february gets restless

I'll be honest: this winter business is getting really old. We just had another dump of snow this morning, after it all melted over the weekend! And of course it was more than forecasted. I don't know if it's cabin fever, vitamin D deficiency, the cold seeping under my skin, my lack of vacations, or a combination of all those things and more... But I am really starting to lose it. The days start to feel like they should be over by 2:30 or 3:00 - and one day last week I actually spent the end of the day in tears, for no real reason except sheer exhaustion with the things I have to do on a day-to-day basis and the harsh realities of the working world.

When I was five or seven years old, I told my Grammy that sometimes there just gets to be too much and I cry. She told me that helped her, and she told me she shared it with my cousin Angela, who also found it helpful.

And I'm glad she told me it was helpful, because otherwise I probably would have forgotten I ever said it, and thank God I didn't, because to this day I need to hear that on a fairly regular basis. The world gets heavy and we can't just go on carrying it stonefaced forever: it does help to cry.

At this time of year I get restless. I also haven't gone anywhere new in awhile (which is unusual for me). No place is entirely where I want to be - more so in February and March than any other time. I've been having these dreams lately about flying to India. I never actually go there, but the dreams always involve me running through an airport, or packing my suitcases (full of books), or boarding a huge international aircraft.

I get restless and irritable, and full of ideas for projects I can't quite muster the energy to actually work on. I itch to move, to sweat, but I only make it to the gym half of the times I think about going. I ache to escape into books and shows and movies, but I can't focus on them hard enough to forget about the world.


But there is promise. The sun is out today. I have lots of ideas, lots to work on, things to look forward to. Spring will come.

...Won't it?

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: warm and fuzzy

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake's Histor(ies) of Rap. There are at least five of them (all of which I've watched today) and they are awesome. Also, it took me twice as long to love J.T. as most of the rest of my generation, but I am 100% on the boat now. So, if rap is really not your thing, try this: 100 Miles, from Inside Llewyn Davis.

2. Major hair cuts! I got my hair cut even shorter this past week. It took some major getting used to, but I'm loving it! I realized that I wasn't getting it cut because I was worried I'd look like a boy or a soccer mom. Then I realized I could make it my own, and I went for it. I've had a few Bieber moments (yikes), but I'm learning! - Cassie


3. Big snowstorms. MN had a huge one this Thursday night. Luke and I went for a wintry walk. We got completely soaked with snow, but had an amazing time. I built a snowman for the first time in years and had a snowball fight. Driving to work on Friday sucked, but I got to think about my snowman which made me smile. - Cassie

4. Puzzles. Sometimes I just like to have a chill weekend with some wine and a good puzzle. I get wrapped up in them for hours at a time and suddenly it's 2 in the morning. - Cassie

5. Night Circus. We're reading this for book club and I'm hooked. I swear, it never gets old reading a book that completely sucks me in and gets all muddled up with reality... Also, the author's name is Erin Morgenstern, which gives me hope that S. Morgenstern (of Princess Bride infamy) might actually be a real person. - Clara

6. Siblings. I talked to my sister and my brother on the phone this week, and we talked about how awesome we are. It is so great being related to people who get you, that you want to hang out with for fun and not just because you're forced to. - Clara

7. Get togethers with old friends. Some old coworkers and I have been trying to get together for months now, and we finally worked it out to have lunch together yesterday afternoon. They're good, smart people and it's nice to catch up. - Clara

8. Lums Pond is a legendary Delaware State Park south of Wilmington, but I hadn't ever been there until this afternoon. J and I drove down and walked around for a couple of hours, around the lake which was frozen and is now covered in a weird icy slush, through squelchy muddy paths. It is beautiful though. We'll be back to train for the Spartan when it gets a little warmer! - Clara


9. Warm days. Got some real sun the past few days, not just fake daylight lamps. We could go outside without a jacket, and we even had to wear sunglasses! I feel all toasty. - Clara

10. Homemade bread. J got a pound of yeast for a special dinner last week and it has inspired him to bake lots and lots of bread! His bread is delicious and I usually get the second taste, right after it comes out of the oven! - Clara

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

what caf line are you?

My sister called me right as I was leaving work today. She is now a sophomore at St. Olaf and any Oles will know there are certain things that only Oles can truly understand. Like the weird J-term hangover when suddenly the caf feels more crowded than it did in December, and all the practice rooms are full, and suddenly everyone is busy catching up with each other and still somehow everyone feels lonely and left out of all the catching up.

(If we're being honest, St. Olaf has a weird knack of making people feel part of the strongest, closest, most tight-knit and esoteric community they've ever been a part of, while also feeling completely isolated - and not just after interim. Maybe that's not a universal experience, but I've talked to more than a few people who know just what I mean when I talk about it.

And yeah, I still miss it like hell.)

Anyway, we talked about identity, which is a common recurring topic for us individually and together. While I still wrestle with my own identity, and have done a lot of wrestling throughout the course of this blog, I made probably the most significant headway during college. That's where she is now. And it's fascinating because while we came from a lot of the same places, the labels we identify with most, and the way we struggle to find one the works across the board, are strikingly different.

She told me about an Indian culture class she's taking, and an assignment that asked about what the different "ethnic food" lines say about the cultures and the food they are modeled after. The next question was the eternal source of frustration for every member of our family: what culture do you most strongly identify with?

And because of the way these questions were placed next to each other, she said, "I realized that I am the Grains line!" And this is the closest she has ever gotten to being able to identify and describe her identity. (For those of you who have not eaten in the St. Olaf cafeteria, the Grains line is vegetarian and sometimes vegan, often gluten-free, often Indian-inspired. It's kind of the "hippie" option.)

"All the Indian students get so excited when they see it's Indian food, but then they taste it and it's just not quite right. It's really American food with an Indian influence." (Of course she described it better, but you get the gist of it.)

So I started thinking, what caf line do I identify with most?

The first thing that popped into my head was the Home line: your typical meat-and-potatoes option. Comfort food. But obviously, that is not true. That's the line I always wanted to identify with, but didn't quite make it.

A weirdly large number of people who knew me at St. Olaf, but didn't know me very well, would come up to me and tell me, "Did you see what's in the Grains line today? I saw it and immediately thought of you!"

True story: I rarely actually liked the food in the Grains line. It was never quite what I wanted it to be.

Then there was the Bowls line: your standard American-Chinese fare. Tortillas, or the Mexican-inspired dishes. A salad bar and a pasta bar, one or two pizzas-of-the-day, bread and toast, and the Grill: burgers and dogs and chicken breasts and fries. And, of course, dessert.

After my freshman year, when my weight changed more than it has since middle school, and since, I learned how to navigate the caf very particularly. I took one plate, and that was it. I had to take a lap right away to see what was there, and then I would pick and choose what I wanted from each line.

And I ended up with a smorgasbord masterpiece, exactly the right amount of food.

If I could choose something to be, it would be loaded baked potato or bacon cheeseburger or taco pizza. It would be white bean turkey or black bean corn or four-bean chili. In those two categories, whatever was made with leftovers from another line was always the best.

I know you can't just choose what you want to be, that there is a science to which Avenger you are or what is your spirit animal (the wealth of internet quizzes is proof). But I'll make my case.

If you take something from yesterday, the bacon from breakfast and dry baked potatoes from dinner, and chop them all up and throw them on a piece of bread with cheese and then throw some green onions on top, and bake it, you have a delicious well-rounded masterpiece.

If you take something from yesterday, something awesome that happened and something not so perfect, and throw them on a piece of bread (my unsocialized self), and bake it in the oven of time, you come up with a delicious well-rounded masterpiece.

What do you think, readers? Am I right?

If you were a caf line, who would you be?


Bonus points: this pizza is our dinner tonight and is made from leftover sauce and peppers from another meal. Bon apetit!__

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: luck, love, and lava cake

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Get Lucky sung by the Russian Police Choir. I may be a little late with this one, but I saw the video this week and it is excellent. These guys obviously had so much fun with it.

2. Love letters. My great-grandparents wrote each other love letters while Grandpa Arvid was in the war in Europe. This year, one of my dad's cousins found letters her dad (my great uncle) wrote to Great-grandma Clara about a woman who became my great-aunt... And they are a beautiful testament to the power of love! - Clara

3. Canelazo. This is an Ecuadorian hot alcoholic drink made from cane sugar and cinnamon. I've been itching to go back there for awhile now, but for Valentine's Day we decided to cook Ecuadorian instead... and made canelazo at home! It was so tasty and hot and definitely reminded me of going out in Quito. (If you want to make it yourself, here's a recipe - but I would cut the sugar in half.) - Clara


4. Car sing-a-longs. Luke and I were driving home from the mall this weekend, and I was in charge of the music. We ended up singing aloud to Teenage Dream, Shakira's Wherever Whenever, and Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton. There's nothing like singing "Without you I just can't go on!" at the top of your lungs! - Cassie

5. Brussel Sprouts. Ok, so I know some people hate them. But there are great ways to eat them! I had a salad with roasted brussel sprouts, yams, sweet potatoes, and greens this weekend at Common Roots. So good! - Cassie

6. Galentine's Day! On Parks and Recreation (awesome TV show that should probably be a AGT itself!) the main character, Leslie, has a lady's version of Valentine's Day on February 13th. My gal, Emily, had a get together and it was so fun. We listened to music, danced, decorated cookies, dressed up for funny photos, and had sparkling apple juice. Lady times are the best times :) - Cassie

7. Finishing a long, classic book. I just finished a book I've always been meaning to read and a long one to boot: Moby Dick. It was challenging but really lived up to my expectations. I'm also just proud of myself for reading Moby Dick. It feels like a small sort of accomplishment. - Cassie

8. Getting the push you need. On Friday I couldn't get out of my parking space because my wheels were spinning on a sheet of ice... So J came out and gave an extra shove to get the car on pavement, and I got on the road! - Clara

9. Having something to look forward to. Cabin fever is starting to eat me and I haven't had an actual day off from work where I wasn't doing something else... So I'm taking a long weekend at the end of this month and just the thought of having a few days to chill out is getting me through the weeks. - Clara

10. Lava cake. Seriously the best thing ever. 'Nuff said. - Clara

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

whether and what to contribute to the v-day "conversation"

I have no idea what to write about this week.

I've started working on the online dating post (finally!) and I'm remembering how much I love doing research papers. I discovered that Pew Research has an e-newsletter and I have been nerding out on data ever since. I wish I could post the online dating post now, but that one's going to take a little more time.

But it seems fitting to write about love this week. I started a sort of empty post about looking for excuses to celebrate - a fitting tribute to the original post, but through a very different lens. Maybe I'll save that for the final post, to bring baby steps full circle.

I thought about writing a post about love in general, to pay homage to the things, activities and people I love non-romantically. But I didn't know where to start. (You know who you are, though. I'm missing you! All of you.)

I thought about bucking the love theme, going the non-conformist route (typical, my roommate would say) and writing a post about the new church I went to on Sunday and how it made me appreciate, deeply, the inclusivity of Lutheran Theology.

I could write about my - our - first Valentine's Day as an engaged couple, or about how I wasn't expecting that act of commitment to bring us closer in different ways.

I could write about new love, like how I met a friend's new guy and his restaurant family this week. I could recall the giddy uncertainty of a new relationship and muster some potentially deep reflection on the topic.

Or I could write about what has struck me about the weddings of the past year, since last February 14th. About personalization and drawing out meaning in the details. About the power of being asked, explicitly in the most recent ceremony, to witness and support the married couple. About finding the balance between the relationship being celebrated at a wedding, and the community present, balancing the wishes and desires of the celebrants and the witnesses.

But I don't know what to write about, so I'll just leave it at that. Happy Valentine's Day/Random Acts of Kindness Week/Library Lovers Month, readers. Celebrate love your way this week - or not at all. Whatever floats your boat!

x o x o
Clara

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: make love, stuff, food, and friends... not war

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Let It Go/Let Her Go (Frozen/Passenger Mashup) by Sam Tsui. Is it cheating if these two songs have been the song of the week within the past 2 months? Well, if so, I'm sorry, because I'm still obsessed with them. And this is an exceptional mashup.

2. Last Vegas. J wouldn't watch this with me, but I knew my mom would when I told her who's in it (Robert DeNiro, Michael Douglas, Kevin Kline, and Morgan Freeman). We laughed SO hard. - Clara

3. Iron Hill's two-pizzas-and-a-growler takeout deal. On Friday night I really had a craving to try this out (it's been on my radar for months but we've never done it). It's a great deal, great pizza, great beer, and we didn't have to wait for a table like everyone else. - Clara

4. My office-mate came back from vacation on Friday after being gone for a week. I know she is less happy about leaving Florida's 80-degree weather, but I am a lot less lonely at work now. - Clara

5. At dinner on Monday my family talked about the Super Bowl while eating spaghetti and meatballs. This is funny because it is so atypical: we normally have curry or stew or rice and beans while telling stories about strange experiences and quoting bad movies. - Clara

6. Plans that turn into other plans. I went to church with my friend Abby this morning, and afterward she came over for lunch and we spent awhile looking through my baby names from around the world book (which I probably haven't looked at since high school), and then she took me up to Charming Charlie's in PA to go shopping. It's nice being flexible, and great things usually come of it when you are with good friends! - Clara

7. Getting in touch with your creativity. A couple friends, our moms, and I went to a painting studio a week ago. We had the best time letting our creativity flow! It was also fun to see how much our paintings matched our personalities. - Cassie

8. Settlers of Catan. I got this board game for Christmas and recently started playing it. The game reminds me of a combo of Risk/Oregon Trail/Monopoly. I'm a bit behind the times (it came out a while ago) but I'm really into it! - Cassie

9. Learning something new. Luke and I started learning French via Rosetta Stone. I can say simple things like "The girl reads" or "the man cooks." My accent needs some work, but I'm enjoying the challenge! - Cassie

10. Looking back through old photos. I found one of us (Clara and me) in the KSTO studio and a few from our AGT fall photo shoot. The memories came flooding back and definitely made me wish we were still on the radio! - Cassie


* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

closure

A few weeks ago, when Hannah sent me her guest post, I got to the end and thought, There needs to be something more conclusive at the end.

But as I thought more about what, exactly, it would be, I realized: it said everything it needed to say. Any clincher would sound like we were trying too hard.

As a writer I think I have always been obsessed with finality. In 9th grade we had to write a short story for an assignment and I wrote mine about a Miss Universe pageant where one contestant actually turns up from another galaxy. It was sort of a dystopian piece, or cultural criticism, and I finished it with a great schism and a moralistic speech by the alien contestant.

Mrs. Nickson's comments, which I found scathing at the time, basically said the story should have ended before the soapbox. "Your message is clear enough without that," she wrote, "and the speech makes the ending feel too moralistic."

In 11th grade, when I was studying abroad, I joined a creative writing group that culminated in a portfolio contest. One of my pieces (a short essay about learning to brush my hair) finished with a quote from an Amy Grant song. The judges recommended I cut the quote and end with my final paragraph. In retrospect, I see what they meant. But at the time, I wanted a flourish.

As a reader, though, I prefer more open endings, with some hope or flexibility. I like for the characters to leave off imperfectly so we can all go on with our lives as real human beings. I do need some resolution, but I don't like when everybody lives happily ever after, or, alternatively, dies when the world explodes.

As I'm thinking about "finishing" the blog in May, I have a lot of mixed feelings. I've got a checklist of posts I've been meaning to write that I haven't yet written. I'm realizing the host of new adult issues that I haven't covered, some that I've experienced and not processed (at least not publicly), some that I haven't yet experienced that are on the horizon, some things my peers have experienced that I haven't: extended job searching, online dating, wedding planning, grad school, marriage, parenthood, starting a business.

And those things are going to continue happening, new things, new obstacles and new victories, whether I blog about them or not. So how can I end the blog, knowing that the subject matter will not end? How can I, the Closure Queen, bear to put a knot on the blog when life remains definitively un-knotted?

But I'm going to do it anyway. I'll write as many posts as I can about as many life events as I can, and then I'll just go on living them. And so will you.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: food for the good life

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

Sometimes the list, and the good things on it, are tempered by tough times and difficult things that happen. What Cassie and I have found, time and time again, is that these difficult things often make us see or appreciate the good things more, and emphasize the deeply beautiful and important things we have.

We write the list every week, regardless of our circumstances, to remind ourselves of that. We write this list in hopes that it can remind you, our readers, when you need it most.



1. Song of the week: The Cave by Mumford and Sons. Last weekend at the Roadtrip talent show one of the guys sang this song and his voice was indistinguishable from the actual singer. Amazing. And then I randomly heard it again later in the week. It's a feel-good jam.

2. Spending time with family during tough times. It reminds us we are loved and not alone. - Cassie

3. Luke. Since my aunt passed away he's been so amazingly supportive and helpful. I'm a lucky lady. - Cassie

4. Good conversations. Last night we went to a co-ed baby shower and I got into a conversation with a cousin's girlfriend about Wilmington's social conditions and about making a difference and about how we end up in the places we end up. It was a really solid conversation with substance, and I always like meeting smart, interesting people with something to say. Plus, big family gatherings are not exactly my element; the one-on-ones are what I'm really into. - Clara

5. Book club. On Thursday my mom and I went to the first meeting of a new book club with some really great women. I think this is going to be a lot of fun. - Clara

6. Watching wedding movies, looking at bridal mags, and drinking girly drinks. Now that I'm engaged, even though I'm not actively planning anything, I'm enjoying at least being able to talk about planning. I had a girlfriend over on Friday night who is also taking a slow engagement, and we just got to be typical together and it was fun. - Clara

7. Once Upon A Time. Now that we have Netflix we have been getting into this show. I've always liked fantasy-reality fusion and this is no exception. - Clara

8. Puns. I just love them. Buzzfeed put out a list of puns this week that definitely made me laugh out loud, and that was just one example of punny hilarity this week. - Clara

9. Getting back in the pool. I got out of my swimming routine back in October when I got a perforated eardrum, and went back for the first time this week. I'm definitely out of practice, but it still feels good... And the regulars remembered me and asked where I'd been. It was like old times :) - Clara

10. Puppy Bowl. I love this. So cute. I just left a house full of dog-lovers who were all over this show, which just makes it better. The kitty halftime show leaves something to be desired, but it has potential too.

Mainly I love even these commercialized holidays because they bring people together to laugh and eat and drink and be merry. I got a lot of hugs today, and ate so much good food. Talk about all good things!

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid