all good things: flying high

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: Don't Stop Believing by Journey. This is an All Good Things classic, and tops the list today in honor of Cassie and Luke, who played the song at the reception AND danced to it, even though he hates both Journey and dancing, because he loves Cassie and Cassie loves him. (I started yelling as much when he chose the song, and was pointedly ignored, but the romance of this situation is not lost on me.)

(Also, I have to share with you all that I somehow managed to write the name of the song as Don'tCassieBelieving, which strikes me as important for some reason...)

Also, most importantly, never stop believing.

2. Being part of the pool crew at the Y. I have kept up swimming since it made #11 on my list of "things I want to do in life" back in June of last year. The regulars, mostly in their 50s and 60s, have started to recognize me and this week I got into a discussion with some of them about getting old, staying in shape throughout life, staying healthy and disciplined. They are so encouraging to me, even if they are good-naturedly self-deprecating about themselves, and I always tell them, "If I can be as active as you are, I'll be happy!" Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin'...

3.Conduct Us. This week from Improv Everywhere, a Carnegie Hall orchestra plays for a motley crew of amateur conductors. "Causing scenes of chaos and joy," indeed!

4. The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. I had to wait a couple of weeks to get this book from the library, and I started reading it on the way to Minnesota on Friday. I have to tell you, it is PHENOMENAL. I blazed through almost 250 pages of it on my four-hour travels, cried on every plane, in every airport, about every other chapter. A sad, but beautiful, true book. The love in this book is just the most profound, real love of almost any book I've ever read. Also, I didn't realize initially but it's written by John Green the YouTube sensation. A multi talented man.

5. Reunions! Over the past three days, I have got to reunite with my sister, more college classmates and friends than I can count on both my hands, not to mention almost all of my inner circle. Pretty amazing, and so good to catch up and just be with these people. I do know a lot of very loving and generous people, who put me up and welcomed me smiling with huge lingering hugs, shared drinks and food and shampoo. Plus, it is good and interesting to remember parts of myself that don't get a lot of airtime in my new life and my new home in Delaware. Maybe I'll bring some of them back with me, or maybe I'll just visit them every now and then.

6. ...and making new friends too! I met a ridiculous number of new friends this weekend, starting with Cayenne the dog. Other new people I met included Emily, Jose, Francesca, Jordan, Kaitlyn, Emily, Kristy, Mitch (who, it turns out, is from Delaware originally), Ginny (who I have been hearing about since freshman year) and Matt, a few St. Olaf classmates I had not officially met or spoken to before, Tim and Megan, Neil and Jill, Brent, and Henrietta the cat. I was particularly and pleasantly surprised at how quickly I felt some solid rapport with so many of these people (and animals -- especially Cayenne) and that I was legitimately sad to be leaving them with no guarantee that we will meet again.

7. The Forster-Brotens! (Known to fans, readers, and former listeners as Cassie and Luke!) I am giddy, ecstatic, smitten, proud and honored about this latest union. And I think they are probably even happier than I am.

8. The wedding itself.I have desperately tried to avoid making this entire list wedding-related, so it can be more accessible, but I think the happy couple deserves more than one number this week. Some highlights: hanging out and goofing off with the girls while helping Cassie get ready; the look on dad's face when he saw the bride in her wedding dress for the first time (we all lost it at that point); Cassie's old stuffed puppy dressed in his wedding best: dress pants, a tailored collared shirt and vest; said stuffed puppy hanging out with Grandpa all night (the handsomest men in attendance); a beautiful ceremony in the Rose Garden, short and sweet and unassuming and intentional; the bride and groom's running commentary through dinner; dancing with wild abandon; and of course our reason for gathering trumps all.

9. Uplifting flight crew speeches. Lead flight attendant of my first return flight today gave a parting speech highlighting achievements of fellow passengers, and finished it off by telling us to be kind to one another, treat each other well, and take care of ourselves.

10. Coming home again. No matter how good the trip is or how I'm feeling about my home itself, there's nothing like a homecoming.

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Thanks for joining us this week. I hope it made your Sunday night! Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga, tune in on Wednesday for reflections on new adulthood, and come back next Sunday night for the good things that are going to happen soon! Until then, be kind to each other, and treat yourself well.

posted from Bloggeroid

guest post: the mission of moving forward

“The point, what I've got it down to, is there are only two questions worth asking: 

Why are we here, and what should we do about it while we are?”

– John Lloyd

Particularly strong during the mysterious and often overwhelming years of early adulthood, I sense within me an ache with an eager pulse, demanding that I discover what the hell it is I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Back when I was first asked this question of vocation, I recall my eight-year-old self considering gas station attendant a worthy calling (candy being the main motivator). Then, after years of school, it evolved from a question about work into a quandary of passion. I felt the need for a calling or at least a path that would eventually lead me there. So I went to a college that claimed it launched people into the real world with real skills, majored in political science, graduated, and then...splash!

As a member of the current class of twenty-something's spelunking my way through these years, this question of calling/splashing has plunged itself deep within me since I left St. Olaf. A month after graduation I began working for a large healthcare software company in my home state of Wisconsin. I found things to like about the work and travel involved. I felt challenged, enjoyed my colleagues and put in good hours with good output. And then it started to feel stale. Would working here for five years lead me to happiness and fulfillment? I thought not and decided to make my first major detour of adulthood. After two years of full-time work, I quit my job in order to travel aimlessly through the Western U.S. and Asia for an indeterminate amount of time.


I'm currently a month into that trip and although it still can feel ostentatious when I describe what I'm doing to friends, family and strangers, I think it was the right move for me. To get away and exist in an unorganized way, divorced from the routine of an adulthood I had barely experienced, is totally worth the lack of income or certainty in what exactly it is I'm accomplishing each day. I know that “taking a year off” is classic Stuff White People Like and I decided against maintaining a blog of my own after more than a few friends jibed, “Oh, you're not going to start a blog about finding yourself on the road, are you?” But the fact is not having anything to do other than what I choose to do has jarred me out of the way I was thinking for the last two years. It is affording me the time needed to reflect, reconsider and reengage in the mission of moving forward.

The first step was to accept that I am who I am and the world is what it is. I have made the conclusion for myself that the healthiest way to consider existence is as a collaboration between two basic elements - chance and choice. Sam Harris explains in his book Free Will that “you can do what you decide to do — but you cannot decide what you will decide to do.” His basic premise is that although we may have the ability to make choices, the situations we experience and how we arrive at them, as well as why we make the decisions we do, is all determined by a chaotic web of outside factors that we definitely do not choose or create. Chaos, though we would rather have order, is the stage on which we must act. It was by chance that at a certain time, in a certain place and with a certain set of circumstances, genes and socioeconomic factors, all of us became a living, breathing element of humanity. And this “luck of the draw” has a major influence on everything that follows. Being born a healthy, white, male citizen of the United States in 1988 meant a far different set of future opportunities than what one experiences if they are born an ethnic minority, lacking basic resources, in a time and place mired in violence and/or famine.


The element of chance continues to play a significant role throughout our lives, but I still think that the ability to choose A or B means we still have some power to construct our own identities. Choices we make are constantly altering our life's trajectory, and so with everything each of us does there is a slight bend and ripple to who we become.

Since chance is not under anyone's control, choice seems to be the element to consider closely. Choice is how we navigate through the dizzying amount of options the modern world provides us. Choice determines whether we talk to people we know via our smart phones when we find ourselves in social situations with people whom we don't know. Choices make things happen that would not have otherwise happened.

Choices we make are also vastly unequal in importance and differ in the level of conscious thought we employ while making them. Each of us engages in the repeated, physical tasks of daily life – choosing what to eat, what to wear, what to buy, when to set the alarm, or whether to set an alarm. There are also the more fluid and gradual choices that manifest into our goals, personalities and philosophies – deciding how to use our time and who to use it with, what to learn, what to believe, where to focus our energy and passion, when to move on to something else – decisions that we tinker with over an entire existence.

We all make millions of choices during our lifetimes and most of them are never considered again (many of them are not even consciously considered at the moment they are made – our subconscious brain is just that good). You will forget most of them, yet some choices will be so pivotal that the person you were set to become is completely rerouted into someone else. When I dropped I.B. chemistry in high school, it was unlikely that I would try again in college, and furthermore that I would ever become a physician. We all think about choices in the past we would like to change, imagining the different ways it would alter our current state. We think about the choices we can make now that will lead to the future we hope we hope to create. We always want to make the right choice, even though the amount of options available to the average citizen of the Western world makes the right choice harder to find and even more difficult to accept as the correct one once you have made it. Perhaps life is easier with a penchant for minimalism, eliminating the clutter of choices that are not truly important to happiness and are merely taking up time that you could be using to do things that actually matter to you.


I recently read the story of a man named Arthur Fields who spent fifty years taking pictures of people as they walked past him on the O'Connell bridge in Dublin, Ireland. He would take candid pictures of unsuspecting pedestrians and then attempt to sell them the instant color print, hopefully making enough money to buy film for the next day. This is how he supported his family and the reason he got out of bed each morning. Taking pictures was clearly what he loved and wanted to do. His sons claim he never even went on a vacation. He didn't take his camera to exotic locations, let alone find a different street in Dublin, for a span of time that resulted in over 180,000 photos. It would seem that this man had no second-thoughts about his choice in vocation, nor any reason to try something else. For fifty years, Arthur's career was immovable and unchanging.

I wonder if we all need to make a similar choice in order to feel fulfilled with how we use our allotted time on earth. Committing in such a complete way is a tricky decision to make. Where do we start? Most people have hobbies that inspire their quest for knowledge and skills, but there are also the jobs we do that absorb the most productive part of the day, some of which may have nothing to do with our actual passions. Can the thing you love also be the work you do? Clearly some people make this a reality, but still so many others are unable to find that happy balance. I don't know how to distill the fascinations I have with music, photography and writing into as pure a path as Arthur's yet, but this is what we all seem to be looking for as we drift through periods of employment and hobby. I think we are all determined to make our lives meaningful and that usually means finding a focus; being great at something is earned only after making many choices to first of all become better.


I visited Glacier National Park last week as part of one of the main goals of my trip to visit the majority of the national parks in the western U.S. and to strengthen my photography with the assistance of gorgeous landscapes and night skies unpolluted by light. Although my vehicle and current home, my mom's Roadtrek camper van, is both large and ornery about going up steep inclines, I decided to give Going-To-The-Sun Road a shot. Many switchbacks later, I made it to Logan's Pass with a few hours of daylight left. Feeling triumphant, I disembarked and found a hike to an overlook of Hidden Lake. I took to the path without pause. I counted the many people I passed who were descending back to the parking lot, their faces appearing pleased with what they had worked to see. I said hello to them as they walked by and they responded in kind. I passed other people, some much older than I, who were walking up the path with me. There were still others who had decided to stop halfway, laying on rocks, looking out over Logan's Pass and marveling at the beautiful scenery that had been carved by glaciers millions of years earlier.

When I reached the overlook, I joined others who were taking pictures and enjoying the view of the lake and the receding peaks beyond it. I watched as two young men judged a sign pointing to a further hike down to the water below, which stated that it was “very steep” and to “use caution.” They shrugged at each other confidently and continued on anyway. On the way back I joined a group of people taking pictures of a baby mountain goat and it's mother who were munching on grass a few feet from the trail. I noticed one man who I had passed going up retreating back down the trail to encourage his wife, who had decided to sit down short of the overlook, to come gawk at the goats with him. As I reached the parking lot I heard an old man say to his wife that the view was “so scenic and visually stunning – why do we need to walk up that mountain and sweat to enjoy what we can see right here!”

And so I noticed then that even on a single path there were still many choices to make. Even when there is a destination, something halfway there might feel better. Even when there is a sign telling you it's steep ahead, maybe it's still worth following. Even if a path is there in front of you, perhaps it isn't worth taking if you appreciate the view from where you are. And even when life seems vexing and the path isn't clearly marked and you wish you knew what to do, you always have the ability to live in the present moment and enjoy the small steps forward.


The lesson of mindfulness taught by the Buddha is very useful when I find myself wanting something to strive for and can feel that acute, aching anxiety because I don't know exactly what it is yet. To be mindful is to simply appreciate that you are alive, connected to the things happening around you and to be present and focused amongst it all. Rather than being lost in one cacophonous head-space, treating the world as an entity that you are a part of - rather than a separate actor in - can feel like a purer form of existence.

By practicing mindfulness through meditation and yoga, or at any time of day – standing in line, sitting on a bus, or in those moments when you feel overwhelmed by all the things you have to do - you can actually choose to have a more peaceful outlook. I can choose to be me right now instead of thinking about a non-existent future-me. This leads to far less time worrying and far more time doing what feels good. I realize that a calling isn't necessarily something you can choose first and achieve second. And I think that if I feel happy (or unhappy, which is a necessary part of life) with what I'm doing now and have a sense that I'm moving in a positive direction, I can accept that I have no idea what I want to be doing in 2018, 2024, or 2050 (if I'm even here at that point).

And with all the chance and choice involved from now until then, it would always be guesswork.

* * * * * * *

Jordan is a friend and fellow St. Olaf Class of 2011 grad. He was born and raised in Wausau, WI. His favorite job was the summer he delivered pizza. Kurt Vonnegut is the reason he loves reading and writing.

all good things: on the run

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: I Could Get Used To This by Treva Blomquist. This song came up on my Eva Cassidy Pandora station this week and gave me pause.

2. Ed Sheeran. I have liked this guy for awhile, but after seeing him live on Wednesday night I am so impressed. He's a great musician with a great stage personality. It was just him on stage and he built his songs with a looper, to this huge climax and gets the whole crowd involved... Phenomenal. Also a lot of his lyrics are really jaw-dropping.

3. The Wilmington Polish Festival. The latest on Wilmington's arts, food and culture scene, down on the Riverfront. Pierogies, kielbasa, Polish beer... Jelly donuts and chrusciki and golubki. Yum!

4. Brandywine Park. My roommate and I finished the week with a run through Brandywine Park on Friday evening, right before it got dark. The path winds along, over and around the river, surrounded by trees and old bridges and other stone structures. And with the sunset, gorgeous and peaceful.

5. The annual LCS 5k for Hunger. This is one of the first activities I did after moving to Wilmington, and every year it is one of the things I look forward to most. It's a walk/run sponsored by Lutheran Community Services, and the proceeds go to feeding the hungry. The weather is generally the kind of beautiful you almost can't believe, it's at Rockford Park which I love, and this year we raised $44,000-something for the cause! Plus, everyone has the most positive attitude. I really do love Lutherans...

6. Avocado and fried egg on rice. I've been trying to keep a few servings of cooked brown rice in the fridge lately, for emergencies, since it takes 45 minutes to cook it... Picked up a few delicious avocados last week at Trader Joe's, which is fortunate since one of my favorite quick-and-easy lunches/dinners is rice, with a tiny bit of almond milk or olive oil poured over top, a runny fried egg slapped on top and avocado slices all around. Grind some salt and pepper on top and you have one of the simplest, most satisfying meals that I eat these days.

7. Apple picking. We went apple picking yesterday, with our fams. The apples this week were golden delicious, red delicious, and jonagolds which are divine. The weather was lovely, and it started raining right when it was time to leave. (The orchard closed at 5:00 and it started raining at 5:10. Can't get timing much more perfect than that!) Apple picking is always a fun activity, and when you finish it off with fresh cider donuts it can't be beat!

8. Birthdays. Lots of September birthdays: two of J.'s uncles, his sister, his dad and a couple of his dad's friends; both of my parents; plus a bunch of other people. Makes for a lot of parties, and a number of mass parties which are an even bigger event.

9. Coffee table photo books. I discovered one of those big heavy hardcover photo books at J.'s parents' house today called Wilmington: On the Move. I don't know why it's called that, but it has a lot of lovely full-color spreads from all over the area, with mini history and culture lessons to accompany them.

10. International Day of Peace. Yesterday was World Gratitude Day and also the International Day of Peace. If you ask me, peace is something we could use a heck of a lot more of these days. Maybe I'll celebrate Peace Day all the time, even when it's not September 21.

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Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.facebook.com/theBabyStepsSaga! New posts show up there first, plus other articles about post-grad life, plus teasers and other important information. Thanks for reading! Tune in next Sunday for more All Good Things, and come back Wednesday for a guest blog from a friend who quit his job to "travel aimlessly" for awhile.

conquering the places we live

A friend of mine spent her first year out of college living in Queens, doing social work with the Good Shepherd Volunteer program. She didn't love New York the way some people do; of course there were things she liked about it, but she always kind of knew that she would ultimately end up back in the Midwest and live most of her life there.

So she finished her first year and I was hoping so hard that she would stay a little longer on the East Coast. Give the city a second chance.

And she did. She moved to Brooklyn and enjoyed doing the hipster thing for awhile. I went up once to visit her in the second year and we had a really nice time. Sitting in a cafe called the Milk Bar, we talked about what makes people come to New York, and what makes them stay.

She said she stayed because she felt like New York had given her a hard time in the first year, and that she couldn't leave until she had "conquered New York." I laughed and said good luck.

I didn't make it up to see her again for the next few months, and then suddenly after some time had passed I got a postcard from San Francisco saying, "I got mugged in Oakland, but I still think I really want to move here."

A little while later I heard through the grapevine that she had left New York for good, and soon after that I got a postcard from Montana that said, "I realized I never told you I was leaving New York. I'm going to try my luck on the West Coast. I'm moving to San Francisco."

We haven't talked about it, but I have a strange feeling about the whole thing. I don't get the impression that she "conquered" New York, at least not in the way she meant it when she first said it to me; but I also don't get the impression that she gave up, and let the city win. My feeling is that it was some unusual version of stalemate. I picture the two of them standing nose to nose, like in an old Western, shaking hands. My friend saying squarely, "I win, New York. I'm not going to find what I was looking for here." And New York replying, "It's been an honor, a good fight. I'm gonna let you go easy."

* * * * * * *

My current roommate wasn't wild about the house we're living in; it was too old, and too "city" (she's a rolling hills kind of girl), and too close to the bad part of town.

At the time we signed the lease, she was dating a Delaware boy. When he found out we were choosing a house in Little Italy, he said, "Oh, my dad's best friend used to live in Little Italy. I pretty much grew up there. What street is it on?" And when he found out the street, "That's the street! What block? What number?"

Turns out, it was the same house. The first time he came over he said, "I know this knocker." It's a classic door knocker, with a classic Italian last name engraved on it. "This is the house. I helped my dad remodel the downstairs bathroom. He planted that fig tree!" He ran outside, plucked a fig off the tree and bit into it. "There's a picture of me on the fridge at home standing in this kitchen!"

So she felt better about the house, and I felt less guilty about muscling her into it. We went out in the area, walked to restaurants and bars, drove to the ones that were a little farther away but still close, because we are in the city. She was OK with the house because he was OK with the house, and she was OK with him (to put it one way).

But then, a few months later, it ended, and we still had the lease. And now the house has ghosts in it. The kitchen, along with the ghosts of past dinners and desserts and especially casseroles, is home to a ghost like an old photograph of a little Italian boy standing in the corner, smiling.

* * * * * * *

I am stubborn. I have always been stubborn. Before I'd even started school I was tethering myself to chairs I didn't want to get out of, a tactic borrowed from a girl I saw in a movie once. I have sort of learned to pick my battles by this point in my life, but still I don't give up on things easily, and I have been known on more than one occasion to hold on a little too long and a little too hard to something it would be better to give up on.

I've been thinking a lot about this "conquering" thing lately, because I've hit another wave of underdoggery, of feeling bested by my circumstances. I have developed a bad habit of remembering things I haven't seen in awhile, and automatically assuming that they were among my worthless stolen goods. And by "worthless," as I'm sure you can guess, I actually mean invaluable. I am perpetually suspicious. My heart beats faster when I miss a phone call, because I am sure that the only reason for a phone call is an urgent report of bad news. I don't trust my city or my neighborhood anymore, and that makes me angry and sad. Actually, there's a lot I don't trust anymore.

Lately I've been itching for a change. I'm taking stock of "for rent" signs in different neighborhoods, decorating the walls, and last weekend I finally cut my hair... But I'm not quite there yet. I can't bring myself to cut and run when my stock drops, as it were; I have to stick around until I'm leaving with a fair trade, where I come out richer than I went in, in at least one way. And oddly, not at the expense of my "opponent." I feel no inclination to cheat. I am a stubborn believer in win-win situations, and if I find myself in a lose-lose situation or a situation with a clear winner and loser I'm convinced that the players just didn't try hard enough. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can even make a win-win out of a game with an opponent who doesn't care to try for it.

So you can see how I put myself in these impossible positions. It's just how I do things.

* * * * * * *

You've heard this story before. I have a friend who went to my high school in Upstate New York, who got offered a gateway dream job out in Seattle. He messaged me to ask for advice on starting something new and completely unfamiliar, all by himself.

I must have given him good advice, or maybe he's just incredibly smart/tough/has a really high risk tolerance, because he now ranks among the most fun, the most successful, most interesting. He is eternally positive, always doing and seeing something new and wonderful. He has thrown himself into everything that has come to face him, and it puffs up my chest just knowing that I know this guy.

I don't think we have to be CEOs, owners of beautiful houses, in the best shape of our lives, season ticket holders, and invited to all the best parties to be successful conquistadors. All I want is not to get stuck. I need to keep moving forward. I may not have much in the way of liquid assets, but when I look inside at what I have at the end of every day I want to feel like a richer, more interesting, better equipped human being, with something left over to pass on.

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Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/theBabyStepsSaga! New posts show up there first, plus other articles about post-grad life, plus teasers and other important information. Thanks for reading! Tune in on Sunday night for this week's All Good Things list, and next Wednesday for a guest post about being a "new adult."

all good things: on the bright side of life

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and her radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: The Fox by Ylvis. Two people sent me this song this week. It's sort of weird...but upbeat, and if you actually listen to the words and/or watch the video it's also kinda cute. A dance beat about animal noises.

2. This flash mob marriage proposal. I have always had a thing for that proposal video trend online; but this latest one is on a whole 'nother level. The fact that it's a same sex couple and that they're trending gives me a ray of hope for humanity.

3. El Toro. A little hole-in-the-wall Mexican place around the corner from us. It's easy to pass by, but it's been making Delaware's Best for 13 years. We got burritos and sangria soda to go and they definitely lived up to their reputation.

4. Water ice. Today I was feeling a little down and out, so J. and I walked to a water ice shop in the neighborhood and it was sunny and I got the tropical flavor and it was perfect. Just what the doctor ordered.

5. Getting stuff done. Yesterday I had plans that fell through, which was actually fine because then I had the whole day to frame the posters I've had lying around, plan out some DIY projects, and listen to my favorite weekend radio shows. Also, today I finally cut my hair after snipping off my individual split ends for at least a month now...

6. The ReStore. Another thing I did yesterday was go to the "new" Habitat for Humanity ReStore. This is a great resource for building and household items. Plus, I feel good about spending my money there because of the work they do.

7. Beautiful weather! On the plus side of everything this weekend, the weather has been gorgeous since Thursday night: sunny, warm but breezy enough to wear long pants or a sweater in the evening, and cool enough to add a blanket to the bed at night.

8. Crocs. So comfy. I don't care if anybody thinks they're ugly, it's all I want to wear lately.

9. Pumpkin. My roommate went to the beach this weekend and left a couple pieces of delicious rich pumpkin cake. Yummm... Also, scones, muffins, lattes, beer, so on and so forth. 'Tis the season.

10. Picking up each other's slack. We all get tired and cranky and worn out and defeated... But that's why we have support networks and communities to help us out. When one of us is tired, the other one makes dinner. Somebody cooks; somebody else cleans. The best is when you just know, without a lot of worry and negotiations, that it will all come out even in the end.

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Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.facebook.com/theBabyStepsSaga! New posts show up there first, plus other articles about post-grad life, plus teasers and other important information. Thanks for reading! Tune in next Sunday for more All Good Things, and come back Wednesday for my latest reflections on being a young adult and "conquering the places we live."

the season of our mythology

There is a lot going on lately. It's the kind of "a lot going on" that makes me surprised to report that I don't have that same sense of gathering doom that I had last December... I'm just feeling tired.

For that reason I'm having a hard time focusing my thoughts enough to write. A few weeks ago I made a note to myself to write about milestones today. Because tomorrow marks my two-year anniversary of starting work with my current firm.

I will always remember this date because it is the day after September 11, and I don't think I'm alone in feeling differently about that date from how I feel about other dates. The numbers 9-11 are the same way.

And speaking of these things, of 9-11 and of milestones, this year marks 12 years since the quadruple plane crashes that, when you think about it, changed the world. Twelve years. Time doesn't stop, does it.

So last week I had my two-year performance review. Sitting there across the table from the partners it struck me how much I have changed since the first time I sat down across the table from them. And how many other things have changed.

For example, a point from my notes. Bishop's Café (the place I met J.) since two years ago has become a baked goods supplier, and the physical location has been replaced by The Well Coffeeshop. When elements of my life start to outlast each other it is a strange thing.

Along similar lines, I received a beautiful text message the other day from an old friend:

"The season of our mythology is upon us."

He was referring to the fall of our freshman year of college, when we were well-occupied writing new narratives for our lives and our relationships, when a lot of things changed, when we created the basis of the rest of our college career and the seeds of the stories about who we were to become, together.

But as you have just read, there are a lot of mythologies that started in the fall.

* * * * * * *
Yesterday I had a good talk with a faraway friend, and one thing that came up was spirituality. More specifically, what we talked about was our thirst for spiritual discovery, the quest for fulfillment; to us what is most important is not the discovery, but culling an insatiable spiritual appetite. We don't like to be too comfortable. We have trouble believing in comfortable things.

This may not surprise you, since I have been writing about things like entertaining angels and bringing J. to church and caring for the Earth -- but what I have really been wanting to write about lately is faith and church and religiosity.

...What was that about the season of our mythology?

This week I discovered that Pope Francis has a pretty fantastic Facebook page. Check this guy out. I'm not Catholic (and for some reason feel the need to say so) but I think this guy is pretty great. He seems so focused on that tricky "love" commandment, and on making the world a better place. I know that his every movement and every word that crosses his lips is probably carefully orchestrated, but I can get behind an image that is orchestrated to push the kind of change that saves us.

Pray for others, he says; pray for our loved ones and our leaders, our teachers and the weak, and for ourselves. Pray with perspective.

And then he says, "Make Christianity a way of life, not a label." Live like Jesus. No need to wear a sign; somehow people always recognized Jesus when he was in disguise.

And then there was the time he got a letter from a guy who was having trouble forgiving the men who killed his brother. That is some honest real-life humanity right there. And instead of judging this guy, and telling him something along the lines of, "Well, too bad, you gotta forgive them"... he cried, and called the guy at home, and said he's sorry and he feels the pain of the situation.

I love the way the author closes this article, too:

You know, many folks are worried about Pope Francis. Worried for his safety, worried about his orthodoxy, worried about his sincerity, etc. I’m not worried about any of these things, and I don’t think Pope Francis is either. I think Pope Francis has chosen the greater part, and it is not to be taken away from him.

Worry. My mom and I have been talking about worrying a lot. Remember that part in the Bible where Jesus says, "Don't worry about food, clothes, shelter, money, or any of the stuff you spend all that time worrying about. Seriously. I got this." It's such a nice idea, but so much easier said than done.

That is one thing I loved about this interview I listened to twice all the way through this week (and once I only listened to a little bit of it). It's with a Lutheran pastor in Denver named Nadia Bolz-Weber, whose church is called the House of All Sinners and Saints -- so wonderfully inclusive. Toward the end of the segment she said, "If God's going to wait till I ["love my enemies" and] mean it, that's going to be a while."

We're all just human, and the best we can do is try. And I am trying so dang hard and trying to make the space around me better and hope that it ripples beyond my small circles of influence. After all, I am entertaining angels.

I get it from my dad, I think. He has been flying a lot lately and his favorite story this week is from his travels. As the plane rolled toward the gate, the stewardess was giving her standard closing speech:

"You'll find your bags at baggage carousel 6. If you are making a connection, please check the flight information on the screens at the gate. Thank you for flying with us today. Enjoy your stay, and be kind to one another."

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Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/theBabyStepsSaga! New posts show up there first, plus other articles about post-grad life, plus teasers and other important information. Thanks for reading! Tune in on Sunday night for this week's All Good Things list, and next Wednesday for more reflections on being a "new adult."

all good things: arts and culture and local pride!

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and her radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: Glad You're Here by Macy Gray. This song has been on the BodyFlow playlist the past two weeks, and it makes me smile every time. I always feel like closing my eyes and swaying.

2. The Brandywine Festival of the Arts. This is an annual local arts festival with all manner of crafts: clothes, jewelry, home decor, gifts, yard embellishments, ceramics... Beautiful things and great culture. I went yesterday with a friend and the weather was perfect. We also discovered local duo Nalani & Sarina. Twins, my age, with voices like Joss Stone and a vibe like Andy Grammer.

3. Fresh mojitos and soul food. When J. got home in the afternoon I started cranking out mojitos with fresh mint from the backyard. So refreshing! And then we made cornbread, fried chicken and roasted okra from the CSA last week, and corn on the cob my mom got us from a local farmers' market. Yummm!

4. Triple chocolate hill. We rescheduled date night for Friday this week, and made a reservation (which we never do) at Iron Hill Brewery on the Riverfront. The food and the beer are always good there. I had a really rich, delicious triple and J. had a toasty dunkel. But then we splurged on dessert: chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and peanut butter-caramel sauce. Plus, 75 cents of it goes to NCCF and 75 cents to each location's local charity of choice: in this case, the Be Positive Foundation. Feel good dessert all around.

5. The library. They have free internet, AND books, AND movies, AND full seasons of awesome TV shows I wouldn't otherwise get to watch. For example...

6. Parks and Rec. I caught an episode of this at someone's house, and found the first season at the library, and powered through five episodes on Wednesday night while vegging out HARD. Something I never let myself do... And it's so funny! (Plus, Aubrey Plaza, who plays April, is a native Delawarean!)

7. Figuring out football...bit by bit. It was on at J.'s parents' house today and I was miraculously able to stay focused on it, and it made some sense! It's still not something I would choose to watch, but I like sort of knowing what's going on at least.

8. Going the Distance. A chick flick that J. actually likes, but I hadn't seen in full until this week. Also very funny and feel-good. And Justin Long and Drew Barrymore are a lovely unlikely pairing.

9. Cleaning up the road. My dad's church has adopted the highway in their neighborhood, and we go out once a month or once every other month, and then we have church and breakfast and it's a really nice community event. And today, I got J. up and out and all the church ladies were telling me how handsome he is and how glad they were to see him at church. Which also made me happy.

10. Cassie's bridal festivities! Sadly I missed the parties yesterday but it sounded like there was a good time in store for that girl. And she definitely deserves it!

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Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.facebook.com/theBabyStepsSaga! New posts show up there first, plus other articles about post-grad life, plus teasers and other important information. Thanks for reading! Tune in next Sunday for more All Good Things, and come back Wednesday for my latest reflections on being a "new adult."

the summer of 2013

Labor Day has come and gone, and, with it, summer. The weather is still nice -- in fact, out here in Delaware it's a lot more pleasant so far this week than it has been for most of the "actual" summer. And I have heard that in Minnesota summer is having a late hurrah with temperatures so high that Minneapolis closed 27 schools at the end of last week. Crazy.

But school is back in session, and off-season traffic patterns are starting to kick in: more school buses, later rush on Friday afternoons, less beach traffic. I already mentioned that the fall beers are starting to replace the last of the summer brews on liquor store shelves, and late-season produce is starting to dominate the in-season selection.

The summer has gone so fast. I feel like I only just got into the swing of summer and now it's over and I didn't get to do all the things I spent last winter dreaming about. And when I mentioned this to an old friend on the phone on Friday, he said he remembered last summer being the same way for him. (He was a year ahead of me in school, so maybe it's a second-summer thing? 

...A girl can dream!)

The girls at work and I have been planning our summer collage since May, and since I have virtually nothing on my mind today (for once) I'll throw it together in list form for you guys. Add to it! What else defines the summer of 2013?

1. Blurred Lines. Ain't no denying this one! No matter which side of the fence you fall on, you probably couldn't get away from this song this summer. (I was toying with the idea of also writing a post entitled The Top 5 Versions of Robin Thicke's Hit Song, but I don't think it quite fits the vibe here. I will tell you that one of the chart-toppers is definitely Bill Clinton.)

2. Boardwalk salt and vinegar kettle chips. We practically lived off these in the office this summer.

3. Those, and Hoagiefest classic hoagies. We went halfsies on them, we ate them for lunch two days in a row, we housed them whole. So cheap, so delicious, so summer. Also Wawa bagels and Sizzlis kicked off many a road trip over the past three or four months. And salted caramel mocha frozen cappuccinos.

4. Caprese salads with fresh basil and, when we could get them, tomatoes! Summer is mostly about food, right? 

5. Cutco knives. This comprised probably 50% of all the conversations I had with my sister the Cutco saleswoman this summer, and a good chunk of the jokes I had with anyone and everyone who spoke to her at all this summer.

6. These $1 tiger shades I found at Goodwill for the Spartan race in July.

7. Rain. Almost weekly. Flood warnings galore.

8. Homemade iced tea and coffee. Bring the ice from home, make it in the office.

9. Playing Bananagrams at the bar. This is what my roommate and I did for fun this summer. I don't see that ending anytime soon.

10. Maxi dresses.

11. Eating, drinking, and just sitting on the porch. Everybody on our block does it.

12. Raspberries. Mostly in drinks. But really I ate raspberries in pretty much every way I could get my mouth around them.

13. Babies! Suddenly about twelve hundred people I know are having babies, and baby showers, and taking pictures of their babies, and letting me hold their babies, and I love it and they are so cute. Again, not like the baby thing will stop necessarily when fall comes, but since this is the first time I'm noticing this, it will be associated at least for awhile with this summer.

Fall 2013, here we come...

Update: Oh no! I forgot something very important! Hell or High Watermelon should have been on this list. Since shandy spiked in popularity and price I took the hipster road and pretty much lived off of this light and delicious beverage. Plus the can is classic.

all good things: labor day edition

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and her radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: Entertaining Angels by the Newsboys. This song was a standby back in my Christian rock days, but I got a hankering for it again yesterday after reading this in church: "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing this some have entertained angels without knowing it." (Hebrews 13:2.) The thought of entertaining angels just struck me immediately. And then my dad said in the sermon, "Angel means a messenger of God," and went on to talk about a beggar he met once who, he is certain, was an angel and had a message from God to deliver to my father in his time of need. We could be "entertaining angels" at any time, and I for one am always open to important messages from the universe.

2. Days off. Today, for example. Of course they never end up being free and empty as planned, but it's still a day not spent in an office chair and business casual. I hope to go back to work tomorrow feeling recharged, and the four-day week doesn't hurt either...

3. BodyFlow. Our favorite Thursday night Zumba teacher left the Y last week, giving us the kick we've been waiting for to try out new classes on Thursday nights. So this week, I went to BodyFlow, another class offering from Les Mills (creators of the well-loved BodyCombat as well as BodyVibe, BodyPump, BodyStep, BodyAttack, etc.) BodyFlow seems to be the most zen of all of these, and felt like a slightly more fitness-focused version of yoga, with some Pilates, tai chi, and dance influences. Upon leaving, I felt so centered but also as though I had definitely worked my muscles. Plus it's taught by one of my favorite instructors, who kicks ass in Combat and is a zen master in Flow.

4. NJ 40. J. and I drove up to Atlantic City yesterday for his sister's birthday, and instead of taking the interstate we (half-intentionally, half-accidentally) ended up on highway 40 through rural New Jersey. I love this road. It's the same road we took to get to the drive-in movie theater for his birthday last year, and the road itself says America as much as a drive-in movie itself. The road is lined with farm stands, diners, old cemeteries, small-town main streets, yards full of old-school trucks and cars, gorgeous farmland and ponds and bridges. Not a strip mall in sight until we hopped over to the Atlantic City Expressway.

5. Phone dates with old friends. I have an old friend who graduated a year ahead of me at St. Olaf, who calls me a couple of times a year since he left The Hill. It's easily been a year since the last time we talked, but he finally got me on the phone on Friday afternoon and we always hang up feeling like we covered important ground. Because we did.

6. Atlantic City. This can't not make the list this week. I have wanted to visit AC since I saw Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken when I was 4 or 5 years old. And finally made it. J. and I just drove up and had dinner with friends in the main floor of Harrah's casino. I will admit that I was skeptical at first, of all the scantily clad women and rich, unhappy people I expected to see, and did -- but I was pleasantly surprised to see among them people of all stripes, from the most average to the most extreme on every spectrum. And, more importantly, the people we were with were so much fun.

7. R.I.P.D. OK, not a phenomenal specimen of the film industry. But thoroughly enjoyable. It reminds me a little of Ghostbusters, with a hint of those Indiana Jones spoof movies with a nerdy sleuth protagonist (i.e. The Librarian) and goofy cop flicks. The perfect thing to zone out to on a tired Saturday night.

8. Beermosas. The last of the summer beers are sitting in prime sales locations these days, so the liquor stores can clear out their stock and make way for the pumpkin ales and Oktoberfests. (Speaking of pumpkin ales, Southern Tier's famously delicious Pumking is out and the cases cost $100 at Frank's Wine, around the corner from us. Crazy... But so good!)

Anyway, among the late-blooming summer beers is a Yards limited edition saison, which is light and dry and a little hoppy-spicy, and tastes delicious in a 50-50 ratio with orange juice. Voila! The beermosa.

9. The dog next door. His name is King and he is the king of great. He is a mutt but he has beautiful long red hair and shiny eyes that will melt your heart. The neighbor says he recognizes our cars and he always gets to his feet and starts grinning when he sees us coming. "Gotta pay the toll!" his master always says when we stop to pet him before unlocking the front door.

10. Family. As we speak Jason is helping his cousin dig out the drains of the pool she is filling in. First of all, it has been great having a pool to hang out in, especially on the Fourth of July. But it's also great to have people you can call in a hurry to help you dig out your pool drains. It's also been great hanging with my sibs before the two middle ones go back to college tomorrow for fall semester. And of course the baby. And having double dinner invitations tonight... Also, our great group in Atlantic City was made up mostly of siblings, and of the kind of friends who become family after so long.

And without these kinds of people, the ones you're blood related to and the ones you've just decided are about as good as blood-related, well... what's the point?

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Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.facebook.com/theBabyStepsSaga! New posts show up there first, plus other articles about post-grad life, plus teasers and other important information. Thanks for reading! Tune in next Sunday for more All Good Things, and come back Wednesday for my latest reflections on being a "new adult."