feeding the multitudes

These days, as my first post-college cohort of married friends and same-aged cousins is beginning to have their babies and post about it on Facebook, I find myself feeling ill-prepared to have children.

That's not quite the right way to say it; I mean, I definitely want kids at some point... And I don't even think I'd be an awful parent at this point in my life, theoretically. It's just that it feels like enough work keeping my own head above water to imagine being responsible for another tiny little life. And what if I have twins?! (It's on both sides of the family...)

I have to give my mom props here. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I've been taking a ceramics class with my siblings this summer. (We just started spinning on the wheel this week and I'm in love -- but that's a story for another day.) Because I live less than 10 minutes away from the studio, everybody gathers at our place on Tuesday evenings around 5:30 to eat and drive to class together.

And usually, on Tuesdays, J has bro night -- also at our place. Which means there are 6 hungry young adults hanging in my living room, hot and ravenous, half an hour after I get home from work. And four of us have to eat and wash our plates and leave the house 45 minutes later.

You probably see where I'm going with this, but let me break it down.

Week One:
I forget this is happening and text Jason before leaving the office: "Just remembered my sibs are coming for dinner tonight and we have ceramics at 6:30..."

So I rush in from work, throw together a cold quinoa salad which we eat hot because there isn't time for it to cool, and J graciously grills a few extra burgers to share with my siblings. (And by a few extra, I mean ten.) We also split three fresh ears of corn between the six of us. We are 5 minutes late to our first class, and I have a pile of dirty plates to wash when I get home three hours later.

Week Two:
I give Jason a little more warning this time, and ask nicely; so he (again, graciously) makes three extra pounds of grilled chicken, and grills up the last of our potatoes and a sad pile of waning wax beans (i.e. the only thing grillable in our crisper). I'm sure the boys are still hungry, but my hands are tied.

Week Three:
Asha texts me in the afternoon asking if we can have pizza for dinner. I breathe a sigh of relief and reply, "Done. That's exactly what I was thinking for tonight."

I order two large pizzas online before leaving work, and pick them up on my way home. (I beat most of the people back to my house that night...)

When J and I order pizza, we spend about $13 and eat it for breakfast AND lunch the next day. I spent more than twice that much on pizza that night, and it was gone within 20 minutes.

Week Four:
Monday night, 9:30 p.m. J and I are on our way home from eating dinner at my parents' house. I remember, in exhausted desperation, that we have to somehow feed 6 people in less than 24 hours, and the only thing in the fridge is Guinness and hard-boiled eggs.

I wake up early on Tuesday and -- on a whim -- take chicken thighs out of the freezer, chop up some potatoes and dump it all into a slow cooker with a can of diced tomatoes and a bunch of herbs.

I put on rice when I got home, and it all turns out pretty well. I feel like I nailed it for the first time since ceramics started -- and everyone washes their own plates.

And then when I open the tupperware of leftovers at lunch the next day, it's all potatoes. The chicken got completely polished off the night before.

* * * * *
I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining; like most of my life's struggles, I'm looking at this as an exercise. And it's such good exercise that I have to give my mom mad props for feeding us breakfast, lunch and dinner when we were little (four little kids under the age of 6) and, when we got older, coming home from work and making dinner every day and half the time eating only what was left on our plates. And not only that, but a good percent of the time, everything got ready at more or less the same time. It's not as easy as moms make it look.

I am enjoying this exercise while it lasts, and it's already made me stronger -- but I will be glad to get back to my regular struggles of worrying about what the two of us will eat every night of the week (except the two nights where our moms still feed us), plus leftovers for lunch. And for the time being, I'm happy not trying to feed a small, brand-new human (or two or three) who will probably refuse to eat and/or will throw most of the food at me. I'm sure I'll be delighted about it someday, but right now I've got enough on my plate.

This Friday evening, it's a G+T, a pickle, a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie and a PB&J. And Jason made the sandwich for me.

the mission: ceramics 101

"Are you the Swansons?" - our ceramics teacher as we rolled into class 5 minutes late. (Not bad...) "Are you a band? You sound like a band."

Now that's a new one. But it's particularly funny right now since our running joke for the summer is that we're going to start a family a cappella group a la Von Trapp Family Singers. We opted not to share that joke with out new classmates and teacher; best not to get their hopes up.

"Trapp Family Singers 1941" by Trapp Family Singers
Metropolitan Music Bureau, New York. Photo by Larry Gordon.

We went around the room and introduced ourselves: the high school English teacher trying ceramics out for fun; three women who took the class before and got addicted; Thom, doing this to hang out with the siblings; me, who made some pinch pots back in first grade and hung out with potters in college; Maria, the music person whose idea it was to take the class in the first place ("so when we all hate it we know who to blame!"); and Asha, who of course got the hang of the clay long before the rest of us could even put two pinch pots together and keep them inflated.

By the end of the three hours, Asha had a lion head ready to be fired; Maria made an abstract "war bird"; I had a lumpy eggplant that stands on end and Thomas created and collapsed a pineapple. ("I don't really need a bunch of clay pineapples collecting dust.") After 8 weeks, we're all hoping to have a mug to show for ourselves.

This is what my siblings and I do for fun. The other day J and I showed up for dinner and my dad was tiling the upstairs bathroom, Asha was picking up rocks from the creek to line flower beds, Maria was stitching a T-shirt quilt and Thomas had plans for his latest project laid out in graph paper all over the living room. "Now you know why I get so irritated when the TV's on all the time," I said to J.

One summer, we scripted, set, and produced an adventure movie filmed across four cities in Northern India. The final product was 20 minutes long, with complicated character relationships and a cast of six.

my inspiration: pottery from friends

I value that creative outlet, and the creative community in growing up that way. It's a hunger I carry with me everywhere I go, even now... Even though I dedicate so little time to creative endeavors these days. I envy people who do art professionally, like my full-time writer friends here in Delaware and my college friends now doing MFAs, publishing chapbooks, selling handmade jewelry or bowls or clothes in towns around the country. I envy people who have the energy after work to do anything more than throw together a (roughly) balanced dinner and maybe a fancy cocktail - my art of choice these days.

I caught up with a friend last week who just left her job in preparation for moving and starting grad school over the next few months. She said, "Now that I'm not working, the TV is hardly ever on. I just find a lot of other things to do."

Out of desperation, I added that it serves its purpose; it's an easy way to get a story fix at the end of a full day.

As a kid, I watched only PBS until I aged out around 10. Sesame Street taught me how to read, and Wishbone taught me how to love it; Mr. Rogers taught me imagination. When we had filled our TV quota for the day, we would run downstairs and build a "magic Barney bag" full of scavenged craft materials, or put on a sock puppet show, or set up our own mini-Olympics in the living room. We built tiny towns of mud-and-twig huts in the backyard, elaborate Lego cities for our plastic animal figurines, box and blanket forts for ourselves. Whatever we saw on TV, we replicated in real life. After a movie, when the credit music came on, we all leaped up from the couch and started dancing. When I read a great book, I started writing what I hoped would turn into a great book.

That is the luxury of childhood, and now I see it as such. When I have kids, I hope I can pass that on to them... but in the meantime I'm on a mission to find creativity in the adult world.

Readers: let me know where you all find your creativity, and how you make time and space for it!

we need each other

My family had two cats.

The first one, Stella, is the softest kitty you ever saw, with the sweetest, tiniest meow you ever heard -- but her personality is anything but soft and sweet. She's cranky and standoffish, and if you're lucky you can pet her once before she strikes with claws and teeth. She became part of the family the day after my first "date" with J; when asked about the beginning of our relationship, he always brings up the photo I sent him when I came home from work to find her there after picking her out at the shelter. She was about 6 months old, one of the youngest (and most vocal) cats in the social cat cage.

The second one, Furrgus, came to us as a tiny black ball of fur, his eyes barely open. He was found in a gutter and lived in our guest bedroom for 6 weeks in quarantine until he could safely come out and meet Stella. He was goofy and rambunctious from Day One, always sneaking out between our feet, climbing our pant legs, and tripping over himself. He's also fearless; while Stella would shoot off at the slightest noise or disturbance, Furrg chased the vacuum cleaner, the ceiling fan and the buzz saw.

Later we came to the conclusion that he was also deaf, because have you ever met a cat you could sneak up on?! We kept him inside for a long time, knowing that he wouldn't blink at a passing car or the other gigantic cats on the block (with whom Stella gets into regular altercations) or the neighborhood's crew of bored teenagers. But eventually his cabin fever was getting everyone down, so we let him out.

And he was so happy! He and Stella started getting along better; he cuddled more, slept more, cried less. He would just sit, for hours, watching us work outside, or having staring contests with Stella's arch-enemy cat from next door. His reflexes got sharper, and he mellowed out, became more affectionate.

And then on Saturday, my dad called to tell me he'd been hit by a car and died.

***

I can't say we didn't all see it coming. We knew he was too full of life to be the kind of cat who lived to a ripe old age of 20, when he would quietly fade away with 8 lives still intact. At two, he'd already burned through his backup lives, and it wasn't slowing him down a bit!

But I didn't see it coming this particular Saturday; I hadn't planned for it. And I didn't expect to mourn so deeply and immediately. My hurt usually soaks in slowly, over time, so I can deal with it when the time of action is over. Besides that, I'm used to being the Leaver, not the Left-Behind. We've had pets before, but we always moved (to a different country) before we had to make any tough decisions -- and have been miraculously spared a sad event like this one 'til now.

Furrgus was the kind of pet that teaches you how to be comfortable in your own skin, reminds you not to take yourself too seriously, encourages you to stay curious. He schooled us in living on the regular.

And, in a sense, he schooled us in death too. He went quickly, sleeping. And then he gathered us together -- even Stella.

Sharing grief is a powerful thing. It's critical: the element of touch; the way different people in the group trade off the caretaker role; the sharing of stories, that laughing-with-tears-streaming-down-your-face -- you can't do that by yourself so well. And two cups of tea, shared, taste so much better than one.

***

What I am left with is this: We Need Each Other.

We all need a Furrgus... or a few Furrguses. (My other "Furrguses" include my friend Chris Lund, my Grammi, Morrie Schwartz...) And we all need people to be around when tough times strike.

There is a lot to cry about in our world: layoffs and breakups and failed tests and pitch after pitch that falls flat.
Delaware (and the rest of the nation) is mourning our well-loved former AG, Beau Biden. The collective pain is palpable here in Wilmington.
People in cities across the country mourn the violence that named Wilmington Murder Capital of the USA last year, and has recently brought Baltimore to a 40-year high in shooting deaths, and strikes almost every city and town in its own way.
There are sunken boats and plane crashes and bombings and wars and extreme weather events.
And although the hype has subsided, the world has been mourning the 9,000+ dead in Nepal's series of earthquakes last month, and the many others affected still by the stricken infrastructure and loss of family, community, and home.

We have our personal tragedies, and our shared tragedies. Our mourning filters through every aspect of our lives, and adds a gritty complexity and weight to our days. And it intensifies our humanity, which seeks company and community. We teach each other and catch each other and do our best to salve the pain of others and to keep on. It's why we Walk for the Cure and donate or volunteer for relief efforts and community services and clean-up crews. It's why we go to wakes and hold each other while we cry and inevitably stumble over words that we know can never really take the pain away -- because we are human and that's beautiful and we need each other to remind us of what's important and why we even bother slogging through the shit at all. And to remind us to make the most of it, and to do what we can to make the world better, even in very small ways.

all good things: the final countdown

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie.

After a conversation on the phone earlier this week, we suddenly realized that Twitter is the perfect platform to carry on the blog! Don't be alarmed, if you are not on Twitter or don't understand how it works. You don't need an account to keep up with us; just go to our Twitter page whenever you want to catch up on our list, which we will update throughout the week. If you already use Twitter, follow us @10AllGoodThings and tweet your good things at us!

But for now, sit back and enjoy this final week of All Good Things on the blog!

1. Song of the week: Don't Stop Believing by Journey. A) because AGT has lasted and continues to last for so long. B) because I found my Soc/Anthro journey paper the other day and was cracking up about titling the paper after a Journey song. (Props to Tom for that awesome suggestion). - Cassie

2. Sleeping in! Melville has been waking me up at dawn for the past few months, but this weekend she's let me sleep in. You know you're living large when 7 am feels like sleeping in. However, now that I don't get to sleep past 6 very often I get to watch the sunrise almost everyday. I do enjoy more sleep, but sitting on a grassy hill watching the sunrise with a furry pup is a great start to my workday. - Cassie

3. Enjoying the little things. Most of my recent good things have been about my dog, and it's because she has made me stop to enjoy many things I take for granted. Car rides are so fun for her that they become fun for me, finding a shady spot to sit down is like winning the jackpot, and she always says hi to everyone. I'm a lot less focused on my small little world and more open to what's around me. - Cassie


4. Taking time to talk with neighbors. Now that we've moved (same neighborhood, closer to Lake Harriet) we have some nice neighbors that like to chat. I was annoyed at first because "I have things to do!" (See above). But now that I've stopped to take the time to chat with them I've realized how awesome people can be. There's Gloria who knows what's going on in everyone's lives, Larry who knows everyone by their pet's name, and Ethan the 3-year-old that likes to randomly knock on our door to say hello. - Cassie

5. Brew at the Zoo. Every Memorial Day weekend the Baltimore Zoo hosts a big beer festival, with unlimited samples from craft breweries, lots of food, and great summer music. And of course the Zoo is open so you can go see the animals. We tasted lots of awesome beers (some highlights: the jalapeno IPA from Jailbreak, Dirty Little Freak stout from DuClaw, awesome grilled cheese sandwiches, and everything from The Brewer's Art). J's friend Dae came up and met us there, and it's been awhile since we saw him so that was nice too. And the weather was perfect! - Clara


6. Fresh mint infusion. I took a sprig of mint from our plant this week and put it in a jar with a little bit of honey to make sun tea. When I took it from the fridge later in the week it was the most refreshing thing to drink, cool and fresh and almost tingly. Plus the mint sprigs looked so beautiful in the jar! - Clara

7. Sodastream. I get bored drinking plain water all the time, but we spend an extraneous amount of money on sparkling water. So when I was clearing out my email inbox this week, I noticed an awesome sale on Sodastream machines at Bed Bath & Beyond and we went out and got one. Now we can carbonate our own water, and we are excited to make homemade ginger ale and strawberry basil soda. Next on my list is to make my own tonic syrup! - Clara

8. Scrumptious. On Wednesday night as a reward for figuring out how to stream audio in a blog post, I decided I wanted froyo. So we went to a new place in Trolley Square that is super cute and had some nice frozen yogurt.

Other worthwhile eating happened this weekend at Golden West and the Red Canoe, both in Baltimore, and...

9. Grilling out. After Brew at the Zoo we went back to Lisa's to grill brats and pineapple with the gang. I totally forgot to take a picture of it, unfortunately, but it was DELICIOUS (thanks Dae and J for getting the grill going). And of course, even if it wasn't delicious, everything tastes better when you're sharing it with good friends on a holiday weekend. It was such a harmonious food prep situation too, which made it even better. - Clara

10. Bonus song of the week: Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root. I'm pretty sure this was our last song on KSTO, too. It's just such a perfect fit, and a hands-down classic feel-good jam.


* * * * * * *
THANK YOU, readers, for being with us tonight and every Sunday for the past few years. Thank you for your support and your positive energy. It has meant the world to both of us to be able to keep this up, and to have a wonderful community to share it with.

A note from Cassie: "I've been so happy to be able to add my AGTs to this blog. This list has become so important to me. I take a good half hour on Sundays picking things to write about. Some weeks it's really hard: like the week my aunt passed away. Some weeks it's easy: marrying Luke was pretty nice :) But knowing I can always find good things for the list reminds me that I can always find good things out of every situation. I'm so glad this is continuing in another form!"

The Good Things will keep rolling on Twitter @AllGoodThings, so be sure to join us there and share your happy moments and favorite songs with us there!

Also, don't forget to be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile every day :)

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: let's get together

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie.

Cassie and I are talking about how to keep the good things rolling after the blog ends. So far we've thought about using a Facebook page or group, but we're definitely open to other ideas! If you think of anything (or any good things!), share it with us in the comments.

But for now, sit back and enjoy this week's top 10!

1. Song of the week: Sleeping With A Friend by Neon Trees. Is this the most catchy song on the airwaves right now or what?

2. My brother got married this weekend. It was at Gustavus as that's where he met his wife. The ceremony was really pretty and everyone had a great time. I'm pretty tired after the long weekend, but I'm glad their weekend went so well. - Cassie

3. Grandmas. I'm bringing back an old AGT from the radio days! Grandmas are the best. I stayed in a room with my grandparents this week and before I went to bed she tucked me in and kissed my forehead. It was adorable :) - Cassie

4. The new Beck album. It's really calming, and I've enjoyed listening to it while I work. His music is always best when he's been sad and this isn't different. So don't listen to it to cheer up! - Cassie

5. The new Gmail tabs. I changed my Gmail settings to automatically categorize my emails as they come in, so I don't have to weed through everything to find important emails from friends and family. I might actually start checking my email again now that I can ignore mass emails trying to sell me something... - Clara

6. Snapchats of cheesy singing and dancing. This week I sent a snapchat of myself singing Prince's Kiss and in response I got one of my favorite snapchats ever from a teacher friend dancing in her classroom to some wild dance music. So I've decided to send more of them and see what I get back! - Clara

7. We surprised one of J's old friends with a birthday dinner at Red Robin last night. It's been over a year since we've seen him, and in that time he got engaged and we hadn't met his fiancee yet! So she got in contact with J's brother and they set up a surprise dinner for him. We could tell by his face that he was really surprised and really happy to see the guys. And his fiancee was super sweet. We were all glad to meet her. - Clara

8. Hearing stories from a new perspective. On Monday night, at my Grampa's request, my family had J's family over for dinner, and I overheard Grampa and J's dad exchanging versions of the "how the kids met" story. Specifically, there was one time before J and I ever went out that I stopped into the coffeeshop when his parents happened to have also stopped by... And while J and I have told the story tons of times to different people, I haven't heard anyone else tell the story before. It was a new perspective and it was really funny to hear it from a different angle.

Plus plenty of other stories, becauses both of our families have more than enough stories to fill the time. They're all great :)- Clara

9. Woodside Creamery. It's ice cream season again! Today we went to the local creamery, said "hey" to the cows, and got a couple scoops in pretzel cones. Yum. Very possibly the most delicious ice cream ever. - Clara

10. Yesterday was J's niece's first birthday, so I pulled out all my stuffed animals and we put party hats on them, and made them sing happy birthday (badly). So funny. - Clara


* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: the art of living

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie.

Cassie and I are talking about how to keep the good things rolling after the blog ends. So far we've thought about using a Facebook page or group, but we're definitely open to other ideas! If you think of anything (or any good things!), share it with us in the comments.

But for now, sit back and enjoy this week's top 10!

1. Song of the week: Sing by Ed Sheeran. J has been suggesting this song for weeks now and I haven't really heard it 'til now. But it's definitely a feel-good jam for the ages!

2. Monday morning yoga. I always feel looser and more centered when I start the week with yoga class. Plus the group is really congenial, and there is a surprising number of men in the class. And not your typical yoga men: many of them are retired or close to it, and many of them only started doing yoga a year or two ago. They are doing yoga because it's good for them, and they are acutely aware of how important it is to do things that are good for them, mind and body. It really puts things in perspective for me, and it makes the class fun because nobody takes themselves too seriously!

3. African food. Last week when my mom was away, my parents' houseguest/roommate Smyle (who is from Ghana) made a traditional African meal for my dad and me. It consisted of seasoned rice pilaf, a spicy meat stew, greens, and fried sweet plantains. She made an enormous amount of food and forced me to take a lot of it home, so I finished the last of the leftovers this week and it has been a very savory time for my weekday lunches!

4. Open mic night at the Newark Arts Alliance. I've been meaning to go to this for easily over a year now, and finally Marina and I made it - late, of course (my fault), but we made it! The sign-up sheet landed in my hands and I spontaneously decided to read a couple of poems. I was in great company with some other very talented artists, and it reminded me how refreshing and important it is to be in community with people who create things. We will be going back.

5. Yard work. J has been doing a lot of work getting our backyard into presentable shape, and it's starting to show. He even got me out the other day and I must admit that gardening is a really rewarding activity.

6. Rhubarb cake. We got a big bunch of fresh rhubarb and some beautiful asparagus in our CSA this week - a combination that reminded me of Sunny V. So in honor of that first summer I got the Sunny V Rhubarb Cake recipe from Ann's grandmother, and it was just as delicious as it was the first time...with the added seasoning of nostalgia. I know it was good, though, because when I left for the weekend on Friday there was half a pan left, and when I got back it was gone.

7. The beach. So where did I go this weekend? We rented a little house in Ocean City, Maryland, for my friend Kristy's bachelorette party. The house was adorable, the weather was perfect, and the weekend was exactly what it should have been. On Saturday we spent a few hours lying on the beach, and even though I didn't bring my bathing suit I decided I needed to go in the water. Really, swimming in the ocean is one of the most cleansing experiences I can think of.

8. The Applebee's in OC. Our first stop on Saturday night was Applebee's for drinks and apps, because the Bride loves Applebee's. It was sort of a joke, but it really couldn't have turned out better. It was the biggest and nicest Applebee's most of us had ever seen, and you would have thought we hired our waitress specially for the event. As soon as we sat down she started cracking jokes and providing a running commentary on everything, like a personal stand-up comedy routine. Plus, the drink I got there won for the night. I forget what it's called, but it's new on the menu. It has Absolut Citron, fresh basil and strawberries, lime juice, and club soda. Super refreshing and delicious.

We also got a photo with the cardboard cutout of the Most Interesting Man. Win.

9. Families. Since it's Mothers' Day, I'll narrow it down to mothers. But I specifically mean the way families come together. This week's Sunday dinner was cooked by the kids in honor of the mothers, and of course the baby was there, and her mom and both of her grandmothers. It's a great group.

And tomorrow, we're having dinner at my parents' house, and J's family is coming over to meet my Grampa, so we will get to doubly celebrate so many moms and it's always good company!

10. Postcards. I came home to an awesome postcard from a friend I haven't heard from in awhile, and it reminded me that I have a bunch of blank postcards waiting to be sent. I love postcards because they are so simple and elegant: a picture, a short note that is not as big of a commitment to sit down and write, and a lovely way to drop a line to say "I'm thinking about you!"


* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: the men and women (and dogs) in our lives

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

Cassie and I are talking about how to keep the good things rolling after the blog ends. So far we've thought about using a Facebook page or group, but we're definitely open to other ideas! If you think of anything (or any good things!), share it with us in the comments.

But for now, sit back and enjoy this week's top 10!

1. Song of the week: Push the Button by Sugababes. This song was in the movie About Time, which was my obsession a few weeks ago. And since then, I've been hearing this song everywhere. It's just super poppy and catchy.

2. Melv learned to stick her head out the window this week. There is something about the complete joy a dog has while their head is out the window. It reminds me to enjoy the little things! Also, she is completely adorable and tries to eat the air. I'm laughing just thinking about it. - Cassie

3. Impromptu friend gatherings. Last night was one of those nights when you plan to do something, that falls through, and something else more fun crops up. Randomly had 3 good friends over for appetizers, wine, and card games. We had the best time. It also combined college and high school friends which is such a fun experience. - Cassie

4. New phone! I'm not much of a technology whiz (read: I depend totally on Luke for techie things). So when I got an iPhone 2 years ago it was a huge upgrade! I was pretty sure I'd always appreciate how wonderful it was. Fast forward 2 years: my phone is slow to access the internet, send texts, and make calls. I'm frustrated :) So my contract expired and Luke surprised me with a brand new phone this week! I'm using it to write this and loving every minute. - Cassie

5. Rooftop deck. My new apartment building had a rooftop deck. For some reason it's always vacant! On Friday evening I spent a few hours enjoying a brisk wind, warm tea, and Middlemarch up there. It's so rare to find an unoccupied, peaceful area in the middle of Minneapolis so I was soaking it up. - Cassie

6. New furniture! When we moved into the new house in November, and couldn't get the queen-sized box springs up the stairs, I asked my dad and brother to adapt the homemade wooden frame that was left by the previous tenants to fit on the headboard that I had. Instead, they designed a whole new modular bedframe/box spring that comes apart and can be carried piece by piece through narrow hallways to be assembled on-site. This weekend it was finished and they came over to put it together and it is beautiful and way more awesome than the old utilitarian frame we had before!

Plus, my grandpa built me a dresser as a graduation present, but it's been sitting in his shop for three years waiting to be carted out here. When J and I got engaged, he built another matching one, so he drove out here last week with the two dressers in tow, and they have now also found their way to our home. They are also beautiful and all the drawers work great! (I'm not used to that anymore!) - Clara

7. The men in my family. So you pretty much got the gist of this one, but my dad, brother, and grandpa are pretty cool dudes. They all thrive on having projects and they all like helping me and other people out with stuff, and coming up with really creative solutions to everyday problems. Plus they are all very smart and interesting and it's really a treat to watch them work and talk to them about stuff. (Sometimes I try to help, but usually they are just running circles around me so I'm not sure how much of a help I really am!)

Also, it's cool to throw J into the mix and they all seem to get along and get things done together. - Clara

8. There's another Ole in the family! My baby sister (who is now 18) sent her enrollment deposit to St. Olaf this week! I do really want her to choose the place she wants to go, and not feel like she has to go to the same place as both of her sisters, but it has been so cool talking to Maria about St. Olaf and I'm excited to be able to talk to Asha about it too. I think college will be a good change for her. - Clara

9. The women in my family. I have to say, it's not just the men that are great. The women are also smart and interesting and good at a lot of things, so I'm glad to have my mom and Asha back from India safely. Plus now we can hang out!

I also think I'm allowed to count J's mom in this category now. She's also really smart and interesting and we went over to help in the garden yesterday, which was a cool experience. She was just telling us what to do and I actually learned a lot in just an afternoon. And then she bought us pizza!- Clara

10. Brunch, and meeting new friends over brunch! One of my friends recently won teacher of the month from one of the local radio stations, and the prize is a brunch for four at one of the country clubs. Now, this brunch is famous, and when you go in you see why. There are almost too many stations to count, and everything is delicious. The bloody marys and mimosas are excellent, and even the coffee is above par. And I met someone new, a friend of my teacher friend, who is smart and interesting and actually has a lot of shared interests with me. Great brunch, great company. Can't beat that! - Clara

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Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: something new every day

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: And We Danced by Macklemore X Ryan Lewis. My officemate has been taking care of the music for the past couple of weeks, and every time this song came on I would ask her what it was. Finally figured it out this week before I had to ask her... And when I put a name to the song I realized that it makes me feel goofy and devilish and carefree... Which is just what I need at work a lot of times.

2. Irish soda bread. This has become sort of a tradition over the past 2 years: soda bread for St. Paddy's Day. It's got a quick prep time and it's dense and delicious. - Clara

3. Accountability. The women I swim with are a source of great inspiration to me. A lot of them are older than I am, and understand the importance of fitness on a much larger scale than I do. And this one woman in particular is so perceptive and thoughtful (without being overbearing) and humble, and says something to me every week that lifts me up and leaves me thinking. Last week she said, "I watch the people in the other lanes who are faster than me, and I learn from them. I learn something new every day and I get faster and faster." - Clara

4. FROZEN CAME OUT IN STORES THIS WEEK. I didn't get it yet, but just knowing it is now available to me is a constant source of excitement. - Clara

5. Getting our families together. Family is a big thing for both J and I, and this afternoon we got both of our families together for an engagement dinner at an Indian buffet we like. It turned out greater than I could have hoped - everybody got along great, and even the baby liked the food! We laughed and talked and ate for hours until (maybe even after) they closed for lunch, and my mom brought in ladoo (traditional celebratory sweets) and shared it with the whole restaurant! Definitely a highlight. - Clara

6. About Time. From the people who did Love Actually, I should have expected nothing less. It's billed as a "romantic drama" but it's really comedic and British and beautiful and it just says a lot about life, and family, and how we use our time, and what is important. Definitely recommend. - Clara

7. Well-deserved vacations. My parents headed off to a resort in Mexico this weekend. They never go on vacations (their last one was in 2004) so this is huge! They both work so hard, and it's so great to see them finally spend some time away to relax. - Cassie

8. Picking out paint colors. Luke and I are moving into a new apartment in a week or so. Our new landlords are painting the walls for us and are letting us choose the colors! After living for 2 and a half years in an apartment with all white walls I am so excited to be surrounded by color. Being able to choose our own colors is really going to make the new place feel like home so much more quickly. - Cassie

9. Membership at the local co-op. A couple years ago I became a member at the co-op in my neighborhood. Every time I go there to buy produce or organic products I leave feeling great! The people that work there are so friendly, and it feels like I'm part of the community. They also have amazing produce so that doesn't hurt. - Cassie

10. Going with the flow. I'm a planner by nature so sometimes when things suddenly crop up I have a hard time. However, when I'm forced to be more flexible things inevitably end up going well. Though it's hard for me I'm always grateful when things pop up that force me to be more easy-going. It's never good to have everything planned out all the time - even a planner can admit to that :) - Cassie



* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: make love, stuff, food, and friends... not war

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Let It Go/Let Her Go (Frozen/Passenger Mashup) by Sam Tsui. Is it cheating if these two songs have been the song of the week within the past 2 months? Well, if so, I'm sorry, because I'm still obsessed with them. And this is an exceptional mashup.

2. Last Vegas. J wouldn't watch this with me, but I knew my mom would when I told her who's in it (Robert DeNiro, Michael Douglas, Kevin Kline, and Morgan Freeman). We laughed SO hard. - Clara

3. Iron Hill's two-pizzas-and-a-growler takeout deal. On Friday night I really had a craving to try this out (it's been on my radar for months but we've never done it). It's a great deal, great pizza, great beer, and we didn't have to wait for a table like everyone else. - Clara

4. My office-mate came back from vacation on Friday after being gone for a week. I know she is less happy about leaving Florida's 80-degree weather, but I am a lot less lonely at work now. - Clara

5. At dinner on Monday my family talked about the Super Bowl while eating spaghetti and meatballs. This is funny because it is so atypical: we normally have curry or stew or rice and beans while telling stories about strange experiences and quoting bad movies. - Clara

6. Plans that turn into other plans. I went to church with my friend Abby this morning, and afterward she came over for lunch and we spent awhile looking through my baby names from around the world book (which I probably haven't looked at since high school), and then she took me up to Charming Charlie's in PA to go shopping. It's nice being flexible, and great things usually come of it when you are with good friends! - Clara

7. Getting in touch with your creativity. A couple friends, our moms, and I went to a painting studio a week ago. We had the best time letting our creativity flow! It was also fun to see how much our paintings matched our personalities. - Cassie

8. Settlers of Catan. I got this board game for Christmas and recently started playing it. The game reminds me of a combo of Risk/Oregon Trail/Monopoly. I'm a bit behind the times (it came out a while ago) but I'm really into it! - Cassie

9. Learning something new. Luke and I started learning French via Rosetta Stone. I can say simple things like "The girl reads" or "the man cooks." My accent needs some work, but I'm enjoying the challenge! - Cassie

10. Looking back through old photos. I found one of us (Clara and me) in the KSTO studio and a few from our AGT fall photo shoot. The memories came flooding back and definitely made me wish we were still on the radio! - Cassie


* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: food for the good life

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

Sometimes the list, and the good things on it, are tempered by tough times and difficult things that happen. What Cassie and I have found, time and time again, is that these difficult things often make us see or appreciate the good things more, and emphasize the deeply beautiful and important things we have.

We write the list every week, regardless of our circumstances, to remind ourselves of that. We write this list in hopes that it can remind you, our readers, when you need it most.



1. Song of the week: The Cave by Mumford and Sons. Last weekend at the Roadtrip talent show one of the guys sang this song and his voice was indistinguishable from the actual singer. Amazing. And then I randomly heard it again later in the week. It's a feel-good jam.

2. Spending time with family during tough times. It reminds us we are loved and not alone. - Cassie

3. Luke. Since my aunt passed away he's been so amazingly supportive and helpful. I'm a lucky lady. - Cassie

4. Good conversations. Last night we went to a co-ed baby shower and I got into a conversation with a cousin's girlfriend about Wilmington's social conditions and about making a difference and about how we end up in the places we end up. It was a really solid conversation with substance, and I always like meeting smart, interesting people with something to say. Plus, big family gatherings are not exactly my element; the one-on-ones are what I'm really into. - Clara

5. Book club. On Thursday my mom and I went to the first meeting of a new book club with some really great women. I think this is going to be a lot of fun. - Clara

6. Watching wedding movies, looking at bridal mags, and drinking girly drinks. Now that I'm engaged, even though I'm not actively planning anything, I'm enjoying at least being able to talk about planning. I had a girlfriend over on Friday night who is also taking a slow engagement, and we just got to be typical together and it was fun. - Clara

7. Once Upon A Time. Now that we have Netflix we have been getting into this show. I've always liked fantasy-reality fusion and this is no exception. - Clara

8. Puns. I just love them. Buzzfeed put out a list of puns this week that definitely made me laugh out loud, and that was just one example of punny hilarity this week. - Clara

9. Getting back in the pool. I got out of my swimming routine back in October when I got a perforated eardrum, and went back for the first time this week. I'm definitely out of practice, but it still feels good... And the regulars remembered me and asked where I'd been. It was like old times :) - Clara

10. Puppy Bowl. I love this. So cute. I just left a house full of dog-lovers who were all over this show, which just makes it better. The kitty halftime show leaves something to be desired, but it has potential too.

Mainly I love even these commercialized holidays because they bring people together to laugh and eat and drink and be merry. I got a lot of hugs today, and ate so much good food. Talk about all good things!

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

guest post: big apple zen

Hannah is a fellow Class of 2011 Ole now living and studying for her MSW in New York City. When she first moved into my realistic radius, I invited her down for a "small city" weekend to share a little home. We talked about social responsibility and responsibility to ourselves and finding home and peace in the midst of instability and unfamiliarity. Hannah is a smart, thoughtful woman and I have been eagerly awaiting blog-ready insights from her for months now.

So, brew a cup of tea and enjoy!

I had talked to Clara about being a guest blogger this past summer on a particularly helpful trip to Delaware. I had just moved to New York and was feeling a little overwhelmed, lost, and lonely and my trip to see her provided comfort and some much-needed revitalization.

Since that visit I have thought at length in regards to what I might want to write about. Maybe it’s because I’m in busy with school but every time I sat down to write I had trouble seeing the forest for the trees. My sentences came out long and jumbled and I couldn’t seem to express thoughts with any semblance of clarity.

Because it’s the New Year and because I was just spoiled with an outrageously long winter break, I’m feeling relaxed, inspired and in the mood to take another shot at this guest blogger thing.

The past few weeks in the Midwest taught me something about the beauty of simplicity, which was rather humbling and helpful for a girl occasionally consumed by the glamour and romance of New York City.

My nephew, who is just shy of being one year old, was the guiding force of this revelation. Hanging out with him for copious amounts of time so that my sister and brother-in-law could get some much needed rest allowed me to be goofy and uncomplicated for large portions of the day.

With the exception of time spent getting more cups of coffee, snowshoeing and loading and unloading my parents’ dishwasher, my days were spent reading baby books, blowing raspberries, and hiding behind various objects in pursuit of his peek-a-boo laughter (an especially contagious variety of laughter). When my boyfriend came over, I noticed that he was not immune to this infectious play and I often caught him doing the Macarena or building and subsequently knocking over block towers to induce more fits of giggles.

In a class I once took on mindfulness, my teacher described children as the ultimate Zen Masters. For parents I’m sure this sentiment involves all manner of patience, courage and faith. For me, my nephew was the Zen master of pure and simple joy.

With some intentionality, I hope to bring this wisdom to Manhattan, so that instead of being perceived solely as a student/intern in a competitive rat race, I can present myself as someone who’s willing to lay on the carpet with a bowl on their head while blowing raspberries at an animated 10 month old, because that’s the version of myself in which I feel most authentic.

Don’t get me wrong, my aspirations will and have led me to institutions where professional demeanor is required, but I hope my multi-dimensional presence will be evident no matter where I work or study. And while I am not ready for parenthood, Aunt-hood has come at a valuable time. Not only do I love and cherish my nephew, I also value his teachings on staying put and keeping it simple.

With him my defenses are down and my heart is wide open.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: the fourth candle

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson. Yesterday on the train I kept hearing someone singing this song and finally realized it was my sister. We all got a good laugh out of that. And then it got stuck in all our heads, and on the way back the guy next to us started whistling the song too. Contagious feel-good jams!

2. Full house! I'm not talking about the TV show right now, nor a winning hand in Poker or Yahtzee. This week is the first time since August that all four of us kids are home, and I have thoroughly enjoyed spending a lot of quality time with my crazy-awesome sibs.

3. Taking the train to Philly! Yesterday we went up to Philadelphia's Christmas Village, and instead of braving the ridiculous holiday traffic we took the SEPTA train to Center City, right from Wilmington! It was only $10 round trip, per person, and we kinda got to sleep on the way home. We will definitely be doing that again.

3. The Christmas Village. This is awesome every year: the hot spiced wine, cute artisan shops and crafts, holiday spirit... And good company! Plus, this year we ran into Jamal playing Christmas carols on his saxophone. :)


4. Holiday parties. Wednesday was our work party in Philly, which is always fun. I work with really smart, interesting people so it's good to spend some non-working time with them. And then last night was the first holiday party of the year (officially ending my birthday season) and it was a lovely gathering of lovely people, in a house that smelled like Christmas spices. We also did a girls' lunch today, and the church Christmas pageant this afternoon, and roomie Christmas tonight. The next week and a half will be full of more parties and festivities and I am so excited for it all.

5. RadioLab this afternoon. RadioLab is this psychology show on NPR on Sunday afternoons, and I nerd out to it as often as I can. Today they were talking about hero psychology, what makes people risk their lives to help other people. I was totally captivated, but I literally felt a weight off my shoulders when the guy who runs the Carnegie Hero Fund said this: "We are fortunate to be living in a society, regardless of what you might hear elsewhere, we are fortunate to be living in a society where people do look out for others, even strangers."

6. Football in the snow. Watching the Steelers play Green Bay in the snow today was somehow so magical. And it looks very cold. And it's bizarre, when it's been over 70 degrees here for the past two days...

7. The dress came just in time! My bridesmaid dress for the wedding this Saturday was snatched off my porch last month, so it had to be reordered from the style that was in stock at the designer in China. We weren't sure it was going to come in time, but it turned up on Thursday - with barely enough time to get it altered before Christmas. Phew! Crisis averted.

8. Being done Christmas shopping. J and I are pretty much done with our shopping, and done wrapping too!

To be clear, I am done wrapping. I wrapped all the gifts, because if he did it they would all be in DSW bags with no tissue paper.

9. Reading. I have been making a point of reading lately, since I got Ender's Game from the library. So far it's awesome. Also, since we finished reading Big Fish together we haven't been reading, but just yesterday J picked up the Chronicles of Narnia (a Christmas gift from last year) so we're reading that now and I think I'm enjoying it even more this time than I did the first time I read it.

10. Happy holiday encounters. This year I have so far not come face-to-face with stressed-out thoughtless people in holiday zombie mode; on the contrary, I have had one pleasant encounter after another. (Knock on wood...) I am determined to make it to the new year this way: may good cheer abound!



* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

a real christmas story

Last night, instead of blogging, I made a bunch of stops to hammer out my Christmas shopping. I had a list of four places to go - an ambitious goal for a weeknight. J. did offer to help, and cut it down to three stops, and I had left place #2 telling him I'd be home within a half hour. I was breezing through my last stop, the craft store, and feeling optimistic about my ETA when a man approached me, looking concerned, and asked, "You read English?"

I said I did, and he beckoned for me to follow him. "Español? Poquitito?"

"Sí," I responded.

He led me into the educational toys and books aisle and asked me to read for him the titles and features of different books. "In English. Slow." He was determined to get the perfect book to help his young daughter learn how to read - in English. Something he couldn't do.

"Your Spanish is good," he said with a smile, so I started using more Spanish words in our conversation. He told me I didn't have to translate the book descriptions, just read them. Slowly.

Gradually, though, our conversation switched almost completely to Spanish. He started asking about beads, the ones you arrange in little designs and then iron together. "What's the age limit on this?" he asked. We started exchanging vocabulary words: bucket. Cubeta.

Then he asked me to write down the names and prices of the different bead kits, so his wife could come back later and choose one. He only had fifteen dollars with him. He didn't make it to the bank before it closed.

When he had made his decision, he smiled broadly and thanked me profusely. "You should come here more often," he laughed, and told me he has been looking for a fire truck toy for his little son. I remembered the wooden fire trucks in my grandparents' house, and the elaborate toys that used to appear under our Christmas tree with my brother's name on them. My heart broke, just a little.

"Feliz navidad," he said, more than once, smiling like crazy. "Jorge," and reached out to shake my hand. "Clara." "Mucho gusto." "Mucho gusto."

"Feliz navidad to you too, and your family," I said.

He couldn't stop smiling. "And to yours as well!" And he gave me a hug, and thanked me again, and said merry Christmas one more time, and we went our separate ways.

Happy holidays to you and yours. I hope the holiday spirit touches you in some way this season.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: people who make weeks beautiful

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: Knock Knock by Mac Miller. J&J (the twins) were stunning this song after we dropped off the Uhaul truck today and it got stuck in our heads. It's really catchy and the video is funny and actually kind of beautifully done.

2. Car wash. It was getting really sad how dirty my car was. I've been driving past the Greenhill Car Wash on my way home from work for over a year now, but haven't got up the guts (or the $8) to try it out. Finally yesterday on my way home from work I decided I couldn't put it off any longer... And it was kind of relaxing, actually, sitting inside my car, hands off the wheel, foot off the brake, surrounded by gigantic soapy brushes. And now my car is so clean!

3. Bokwa. My roommate and I tried out this new dance fitness class at the Y on Saturday. It has a series of steps in the shapes of different letters, and a lot of room for personalization. Plus, I couldn't help smiling by the end of class. I will be trying that again.

4. Having friends you can laugh with. This one pretty much speaks for itself. To me, this is a sign of good solid friendships.

5. Humidifier. We started running the humidifier in our room while we sleep and every since I've been breathing much better. Coincidence? I think not!

6. Emails from my grandparents. They live in California and we're not in super close touch... But whenever they email me it's always good, and makes new really happy. This week it was a birthday email which is double good.

7. Eating when you're super hungry and tired. You know the feeling. Yummm. Plus, a few people made food for us this week so we don't have to worry about cooking when all our kitchen supplies are boxed up somewhere.

8. Clean sheets. I probably enjoy this a lot less often than I should, but maybe that makes it all the more satisfying...?

9. J. and I had to go get the flu and Tdap shots this week so we could kiss the baby, and if course it cost almost $100 for each of us to get both shots. J. doesn't have insurance and mine only covers Walgreens in South Dakota and Wisconsin for some reason, so the pharma tech went to great lengths to find us a discount or make my insurance cover some of it. We ended up getting a few dollars off, and especially right now while we're moving every little bit counts. It just meant a lot for a person to make such an effort to help somebody else, even someone he had never seen before and may never see again.


10. Feeling at home. Today my two roommates and I had a bunch of friends over and moved all our stuff (almost) to a new house in a new neighborhood. And already I feel more comfortable and happy here. :)

We had a good crew of helpers today, which made the whole project that much easier and more bearable.

Thanks everyone for making this week beautiful!


* * * * * * *
Thanks for joining us this Sunday night! Stick with the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for updates on new posts and other stuff about new adulthood. Come back next Sunday night for a reminder of 10 good things that haven't happened yet, and on Wednesday night for a more in-depth reflection on post-grad life. Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile.

posted from Bloggeroid

nights of the (sort of) round table

I started this post last night right after getting up from the dinner table. A particularly full dinner table, with 8 chairs crammed around it.

We've always been a family of 6, and we've always been an infamously spirited family of 6. Tonight we were discussing the possibilities of a superpower that would allow us to switch off gravity in a predefined period of time within a certain area. Then Maria said, "People who have more birthdays live longer." And while we were all chuckling about that, Papa chimed in, "And odds are, if your parents couldn't have kids then you won't be able to either."

And then Mutti said, "...Didn't we have this same conversation a few days ago?"

On other nights we talk about linguistics, or architecture, or theology, or medicine. Or we talk about books we're reading and movies we've seen or want to see. We try to make plans and usually fail because of how impossible it is to coordinate 6 busy schedules full of life and ambition. We tell funny stories and bad jokes. We work through our issues, personal or collective. As cliche as it may sound, the dinner table is the place where our family status gets resolidified. Sitting down to eat, and, more importantly, to laugh together, does the same thing for our family as renewing vows does for married couples. It's like checking our vitals, syncing our personal devices to the familial network.

Sometimes other people join us at the table and we realize how completely strange our dinner table conversations are, and how intense we can be to people who don't yet know the ropes.

Case in point, my sister's boyfriend got an essay published in Teen Ink about meeting the family, his first supper at our house. He talks about feeling justifiably intimidated as we all haphazardly gathered around the table (typical) and then how that anxiety melted away as he realized we were just real, raucous people. Now he verbally spars with the best of us, rises to the occasion.

Another friend of my sister's was lucky enough to be present at a family dinner where the conversation somehow got steered to the logistics of a career in pole dancing, with side stories about the time my dad had to guess a Sensosketch (drawing with your eyes closed) of a "string bikini" at a youth group game night. (He didn't guess it.) Our visitor sat at the head of the table looking mildly shell-shocked, but laughing; and on the way home he mentioned, with typical quiet intellectualism, that we are "interesting" people -- but in a good way.

Friday was J's birthday, so on Saturday I went to have family dinner at his house. I was struck, as a relative outsider, by the warmth of the family table, the passing and sharing of food and, again, laughter. I don't think this is mere coincidence. That kind of intentional time spent together, gathered in a place, facing each other, is an opportunity for care, to nourish not only our bodies but our souls.

My family has been known to sit literally for hours after all of us are full, after all the food is gone and all the plates are clean and the clock strikes whatever ungodly hour. (We have also been known, on more than one occasion, to sit down to eat after 10:00 pm, so I guess the "after dark" thing isn't really a surprise.) Despite all the ruckus lately about headlines reading, STUDIES DEBUNK "FAMILY DINNER" MYTH: CHILDREN WHO EAT DINNER WITH THEIR FAMILIES STILL GET ADDICTED TO DRUGS! ...I still think that our family is a functional one because we eat together.


Because we enjoy our food together. We share our gratefulness that there is something on the table, and that it is usually delicious, and that we have people we love to share it with. I really think it boils down to the fact that we laugh together. And my sisters have mentioned on multiple occasions that the dinner table is where we hash things out. That's where we make plans, and work through issues, and take votes on major family decisions, like when and where to go on vacation, or whether it's time to move. It's the only time and place we all set aside (at least one or two nights a week, now that we're all older and busier) to be present with each other. When we were little dinnertime was the only time we didn't answer the phone, on principle. Our family has committed, for 25 years, to being with each other as we share the gifts we have been given.

And what I like about this now is that we have spent a long time building up our family dinner foundation, so that now we gladly invite others to join us, to be grateful with us, to enjoy food with us, to laugh with us. They bring new jokes and facts and topics of interest and even new tastes to the spread.

We are all infinitely richer for it.

8 or more things making me happy

Yesterday I discovered a weekly talk radio show called Pop Culture Happy Hour on NPR.  Fortunately since I’ve never heard it before there are literally YEARS’ worth of past happy hours for me to listen to, so I’ve been scrolling back to listen to the incredibly intelligent crew discussing trendy cultural tidbits in a way that reminds me more than a little of my liberal arts education.

Each show ends with a segment about what's making them happy this week.  Something pop culture-related, of course.  It vaguely reminds me of All Good Things, the KSTO radio show I hosted last year with my girl Cassie, in which we played feel-good music and ad-libbed our list of the week’s Top 10 All Good Things.  Sometimes serious, often totally random, but always an exercise in not taking things for granted, in picking out the silver lining even of the toughest weeks, and a reminder to enjoy life always.

I have missed this show, and missed Cassie, so often since May.  And from time to time I feel that nagging urge to make that list.

But today, the urge is driving me to distraction, and I am unavoidably inspired to host my own Pop Culture What's-Making-Me-Happy Give-or-Take-an-Hour.

#1

The show is first on my list, since I have not stopped listening to it for 2 days (except to watch a video of Sophia Grace and Rosie’s return to The Ellen Show), and since I love pop culture, and intelligent people discussing pop culture.  Also, people laughing a lot and un-self-consciously.  They have really good laughs, too--good the way Audrey and Karin and I just feed off each other's really contagious laughter forever.  And just positive energy in general.  Here's a good episode (2012 pop culture resolutions) to get hooked on.

#2

Sisterhood Everlasting.  Since my original mention I have actually started reading this book, and it’s been, true to form, un-put-downable.  I can’t honestly say the book is a happy book, and I also can’t say that I haven’t cried or felt my throat close up at least a few times, and in fact it’s a really sad book so far.  But it’s deeply evocative, and when I think about it, any real depth of emotion qualifies as happiness for me.  There is something beautiful about empathy, about allowing myself to be touched by the world, which maybe neurologically is no more than a thrill, a hit of brain chemicals, but to me feels like being happy.

#3

California 37.  You may have realized that I. LOVE. TRAIN.  And I am not ashamed of this fact.  I've had this album on some degree of repeat since I bought it on Saturday, and I think it may be my favorite Train album ever.  Speaking of pop culture, the album features an incredible array of pop culture references; "This'll Be My Year," which people are calling a reprise of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" (except less tiresome to listen to); "Bruises," a collaboration with Ashley Monroe about the occupational hazards of living; and "You Can Meet My Mom," which just makes me really happy.

#4
Today is Poem In Your Pocket Day, and there's an exhilarating melee going on around the #pocketpoem hashtag on Twitter.  It makes me want to Twitter-jam, bad.

collage beginnings

Anyway, probably not one single person will be surprised to learn that my #pocketpoem is "i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)" by e.e.cummings.  I'm sure I could finagle some horrible wordplay about carrying poems in pockets out of that line, but I will spare you.  I also have a line-by-line collage representation of this beloved piece in the works, but it's not done yet.

My fellow poet and Soc/Anthro major Julia may have stumped this holiday, though: "I dunno if I can fit 'howl' in my pocket..."

Asha, age 4

#5
Today my baby sister turns sixteen.

Yeah.  Sixteen.

It's hard to believe.  I swear I look at her (and Maria) every day and get surprised at how big, and grown-up, and mature they are.  And hilarious.  And beautiful, and smart as hell...  The list goes on!  If there is one reason I'm glad I moved home this year (and there are many) it is that the time I'm getting to spend with my sisters is priceless.  I even enjoy picking them up from school or dropping them off somewhere, or hitting up the mall together on a Saturday.  I value the opportunities I have gotten to share my experiences with them, and to hear about the things they struggle with and the things that make them happy.

It is a great joy and responsibility to be a big sister, and despite my complaining, I wouldn't give it up for the world.  And I wouldn't trade my sissies for any other sissies.  So don't even ask.

#6
The unbelievably delicious chocolate chip cookies Asha made to take to school for her own birthday.  They are so good, and I love how she loves to bake.  And also it reminds me of the time last year when Timmy got up at 8:00am on Lutefest to make himself a very, very chocolate birthday cake.  There is something bittersweet (but very tasty) about this style of self-celebration.  Something important, I think, something poignant with a Dust-Bowl-vignette quality to it.  I can’t say it’s sad because both Timmy and Asha have plenty of people who will gladly share their baked goods, and more importantly their company, but almost.

#7
As of tonight, my brother will be home from school for the summer!  I'm pumped.  He's got a sweet summer job using some of his architecture skills, and I'm hoping to take him out and introduce him to people--and maybe even meet some new ones!  OK, I'll be honest: I'm secretly plotting how to make him fall in love with Delaware too.  Plus, I just love him.  He's my first best friend and we've been in cahoots for almost 21 years now.

#8
Oranges.  (Is anyone surprised?)  I've had one for lunch every day this week, and every day I look forward to the orange at the bottom of my lunch bag.  It makes my fingers sticky but I love the smell of them and I hate the color orange but somehow I love it when it's on the fruit.  It's so bright and cheerful.  I love how juicy they are, how sweetly tart.  I love peeling them, both intrinsically and in anticipation of what's to come.  I love the texture, and how they're naturally packaged in little bite-sized pieces.  I love what I remember about them, and the people they remind me of.  I love vitamin C.  And for a whole host of other reasons I probably couldn't even begin to name or recognize, oranges just make me really, simply, bottom-of-my-heart happy.

Note the absence of oranges in this fruit bowl
(I have eaten them all)