7 ways to get ahead of the sad

The days are getting shorter, colder, and darker, and maybe that explains why the other day I caught myself in a semi-perpetual state of irritation. This happens every year and I like to think that every year I get better at coping. A list of ways to get ahead of the SAD season seems like an appropriate post for today.

1. Cry intentionally about things that don't matter. This may sound counterintuitive, but hear me out. The other day I sat down to finish The Five People You Meet In Heaven (destined to have some sad parts in it) and ended up crying pretty much straight through the last two chapters. It was beautiful. And I felt so much better afterward! Lighter. Of course, it helped that the message of the book was not a depressing one. It was about love and human connection. Which is something worth crying about, if you ask me.

2. Find something to smile about. I don't mean just smile, but think of something that legitimately makes you happy. There is an urban legend that simply smiling is a mood booster, but I recently read a study showing that smiling for a reason is much more effective at bringing you closer to true happiness. Besides, we've all seen Peter Pan, right?

3. Indulge your guilty pleasures - just a little bit. This could be anything: romance novels, Miley Cyrus, chocolate... Enjoy something you really enjoy, guilt-free. Not to the point that it makes you feel gross, but just enough now and then to make you smile.

4. Exercise. This is a pretty common one, but I can't stress enough how much it actually does help. Get into a routine. Find a class that makes you feel good. Of course I recommend BodyCombat, if you find yourself often frustrated; or Zumba - "ditch the workout and party!" Set goals for yourself, especially if they're small, because achieving something always makes you feel good. And once you add in the natural endorphins and carving out time to do something you like, that's a triple boost.

5. Get out your slippers! They'd better be soft! Line up your fuzzy slippers, robe, hoodie, flannel and fleece! (I should have added Snuggies to the guilty pleasures list!) Get out your warm things. Wear whatever make you feel cozy, fabrics you like to feel next to your skin. Get out your baby blankets and Grandma afghans and gigantic comforters and fleece throws. You can't let your body be cold if you want to keep your mind and your heart warm.

6. Take alone time. Don't let yourself be afraid of being by yourself. You need to have time to breathe. That being said, fresh air doesn't hurt either. Take a solo stroll, or a drive, maybe. I went grocery shopping by myself the other day and it felt ridiculously liberating. Read a book. Have a cup of tea. Write letters. Plug in your headphones on the treadmill. Or just take a nap. But set a timer; don't let yourself get into that place where the sun goes down and suddenly you look around and realize you're all by your lonesome. It starts to feel real dark right about then.

And that brings me to...

7. Make dates. Make sure you look somebody in the eye, give a hug, exchange pleasantries or have a good conversation, at least once a day. Make plans to visit someone who lives a little father away. We need human connections to get by, and making dates gives you something to look forward to. I guess I should also add that it's crucial to be around people who lift you up, make you laugh, make you feel good about yourself and about the world. No room for Debbie Downers and Negative Nancys and Pessimistic Pollys this time of year. Pollyannas might not be the best thing either, actually. The best thing is someone who knows you and accepts all your sides, dark and light, and understands your world.

It takes a lot of effort for me to stay positive year-round, and I know I'm not the only one. I get scared and anxious and I get scared and anxious about being scared and anxious. But I'm figuring out what I can do to make it better, smoother, no matter what month it is, no matter how many hours of daylight turn my face to the sky.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: gold-gilded days

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

There are almost too many good things to count this week. I had a hard time choosing list items. But that's good, right?

1. Song of the week: Counting Stars by One Republic. My sister posted this song on Facebook earlier this week and it's been in and out of my head ever since. Plus, the video is beautiful and gives me the chills.

2. When worlds collide. After Monday morning power yoga, one of the regulars looked at my St. Olaf T-shirt and said with a knowing grin, "Minnesota, eh?" It took me so off guard that I accidentally yelled, "You know it!?" Way too loud and excited for the end of a yoga class. Also I wasn't quite sure even at the time whether it was a question or a cheer...

3. Leftovers (Mom cooking). I am a fine cook, but I think we all know there is nothing like a good dinner cooked by our moms and then packed up and sent home for leftover lunches.

4. Delaware, Small Blunder... Wonder! Small Wonder. This is one of J.'s and his dad's favorite jokes. Somehow it never gets old. There are plenty of jokes about Delaware. Among them, the One Degree of Separation. I went to a networking event this week hosted by the county's top radio stations - immediately ran into someone I knew, and heard a lot of familiar names throughout the night. It's a small state and I actually like that.

5. Surprises. My dad made cinnamon rolls on Monday night and forgot to send them home with me; so my mom dropped off a tupperware full of them on my porch for me to find when I got home from work.

6. Swype. I don't know how I've missed this 'til now, but I discovered a feature on my smartphone where I can just drag my finger around the keyboard and it automatically spells words for me. It's like a super-modern T9. Makes typing very speedy. I am obsessed.

7. The Five People You Meet In Heaven. Another book from Mitch Albom, the author of Tuesdays With Morrie. It is a quick read, or would be, if I used my free moments for reading. I polished it off this weekend, with no shortage of tears, but it is beautiful and inspiring and makes you think about your life, but not too hard. I love that Mitch Albom went from being a sports writer to easily the most recognized writer about life and death in the United States. A topic of endless fascination to me.

8. Bonfires. A bunch of us gathered in my parents' backyard on Friday night for a bonfire. Aside from the fact that I inadvertently told three separate people to bring hot dogs and rolls (we had probably a few hundred for less than 15 people), it was a lovely evening. The weather was crisp and cold, the fire was warm, the cider was spicy,

9. Dressing up. Last night was the Halloween Loop, easily one of Wilmington's most renowned events of the year. It's basically a pub crawl, at least in theory - as it turns out the best way to hit it is to go out early, pick a place and stay there. People get pretty creative with costumes. We had a bunch of people over beforehand, and some of us went all out with our costumes. We made a fun group, and there were plenty of wild and wicked costumes out in the bars and the streets to keep my eyes occupied.

10. Fall weather. I love fall, and this week has been the epitome of what's great about it. All golden slanting sunlight bouncing off golden leaves in the trees and falling from them; those crisp mornings, hot in the middle of the day but with a breeze; smells like fall in the afternoon and like winter at night. Gorgeous. I just want to walk everywhere.

I may be cheating, but I also want to say a quick congratulations to J.'s brother and his fiancee, who got engaged recently! We have been celebrating them lately, so I felt like now was the time to shout out on the blog. So much love in the air!

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Thanks for joining us this Sunday night! Stick with me on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for updates on new posts and other stuff about new adulthood. Come back next Sunday night for a reminder of 10 good things that haven't happened yet, and on Wednesday night for a more in-depth reflection on post-grad life. Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile.

posted from Bloggeroid

hashtag remember the sabbath

There are suddenly so many things to write about. I am feeling a constant creative surge lately that distracts me from my own comings and goings and makes me restless. I guess the feeling is perfectly timed because this year I'm really going to try National Novel Writing Month and will need plenty of creative energy to crank out 1700 words a day through the month of November.

I get notifications every day from this Facebook group called Organic Faith Online, which is run by an old friend of mine. I typically don't get deeply involved in the group, since its offline community operates out of the Buffalo, NY, area, but this week's theme is Sabbath, which happens to be an area of great interest and ongoing turmoil for me.

And, given my current state of mind, I thought it wouldn't be a bad topic for a blog post. Rest is an incredibly important but underdiscussed issue in our society, and particularly for new adults.

Sabbath is God's day of rest in the Biblical Creation story, the seventh day after creating the world and everything in it. Historically Judeo-Christian belief systems have kept the Sabbath in tribute to this (and because it's in the 10 commandments - good luck getting out of that one).

But for a girl who grew up in a strong Lutheran household in suburban America, Sabbath was confusing. We didn't go shopping on Sundays. For the longest time I wasn't allowed to go the mall with my friends on Sundays. We didn't go out after church, most weeks. Saturday was the day for chores, because we tried not to do anything resembling work on Sunday. And even that was weird to me, too, because church was my dad's job and he always had to work on Sunday... So didn't that sort of defeat the purpose of the "Sabbath"?

(Of course half the stories in the Gospels are about Jesus healing on the Sabbath and everyone getting all hung up about it, and Jesus saying, "Y'all are really missing the point." But I was 10. I hadn't put that together yet. I guess God's work is exempt...)

The thing that really got me was when I said I didn't have anything to do instead and my parents said, "We need time to Just Be." In my head it was always capitalized and italicized.

And it still is, to this day. I eventually (if somewhat reluctantly) found an appreciation for a Day of Rest, and for Just Be-ing. In college I assigned myself one day of the week where I would not do homework, and wouldn't feel guilty about it either. And on Sunday nights Cass and I ran the All Good Things radio show (now a blog feature) which forced me to put on a zen voice for my listeners. The zen voice is surprisingly convincing, even to myself.

After college, when I was living in St. Croix Falls with Ann, our only day off together was Sunday. We ran most of our errands on our separate days off, but Sunday was the day we didn't have to wake up or get dressed if we didn't want to (which we usually didn't). It usually involved some kind of elaborate ritual of making and eating brunch, usually involved romping around outside or biking around town, reading in our hammocks and experimenting with mixed drinks. We talked about trying to go to church in town at some point, but never made it. Considering ourselves complete and unsalvageable heathens, we joked about "remembering the Sabbath" in our own non-religious ways.

I've become a lot more serious over the two years since then, in some ways I like and some ways I'm less excited about. #RemembertheSabbath has become a saving grace to me as I worry about money, about time, about becoming too immersed in the daily grind, about losing my conscience, my creativity, my ability to appreciate simplicity. (I worry a lot.) The hashtag keeps me centered now.



And I realize the importance of rest, and of simply having a moment to enjoy something. Now I get what my parents were talking about when they said we needed time to Just Be. Now I realize what we as a culture have lost by turning Sunday - half of our too-short weekend and our last hurrah before returning to the work week - into a day for running errands and shopping and hanging out at the mall. I guess football kind of takes back Sunday... depending on how angry your buddies get when the game turns sour.

It doesn't have to be Sunday, either. This is what I drew from the discussion on Organic Faith: we can find moments of Sabbath in each day. I'm taking one now. The Blog (usually) centers me and gives me an outlet to process the days that move too fast otherwise.

How do you #RemembertheSabbath, readers? Or do you at all?

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: brave little toaster oven

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: The Twist by Chubby Checker. Went out with some friends this weekend (which I rarely do) and checked out the relatively new Jameson Whiskey Bar at Kelly's (the new upstairs venue at Kelly's Logan House in Trolley Square). They had a fun band playing and I finished out the night twisting like nothing else existed. Because it's important to let go every now and then and dance like nothing else exists.

2. Constant Comment. Constant Comment is a classic. Lately it's been the only tea I want to drink. It's warm with the perfect amount of spice for fall.

3. "WE STILL DEVELOP 35MM FILM." Every morning on my way to work I drive past Walgreen's, which has a huge digital sign out front about developing film that for some reason strikes me as hilarious.

4. Ciao. On Friday J. and I went for a walk/run in the park and afterward strolled around Trolley Square looking for houses for rent. We didn't find any rental signs, but we did walk past this tiny, acute-triangle-shaped pizza joint that inspired us to get slices. It was some of the best pizza I've had in awhile.

5. Much Ado About Nothing. We got Joss Whedon's latest from RedBox, mostly because Nathan Fillion is in it, but I don't always have super high expectations for film adaptations of Shakespeare. But I was pleasantly surprised at the whole thing. I had read that Whedon took the whole script as-is, only adding one scene at the very beginning that of course changed the entire tone of the plot... but I didn't hate it. It actually added an interesting spin. I didn't like the black-and-white at first, but by the end it had grown on me. Amy Acker was excellently cast as Beatrice, plus some other members of the Whedon universe. Overall I thought it was pretty great.

6. Toaster ovens. I can confidently name this as the most genius appliance ever invented. You can make toast in it, heat leftovers, bake frozen pizza, keep stuff warm, and make food from scratch (quesadillas, baked potatoes, and fish, to name a few). Just fantastic.

7. One of my Really Important People got married this weekend. I wasn't able to make it, unfortunately; but it's particularly cool because this marriage wouldn't have been legal this time last year. Thanks to Minnesota, the 12th state to legalize same-sex marriages.

8. Reunions. An old family friend from Upstate New York got a sponsorship to do some work this week at Winterthur, a beautiful facility just a few minutes up the road from us. So this week, my mom and I met up with her for dinner at Nirvana, a Fine Indian Restaurant in Independence Mall. It was so good to get to catch up with her, and have some grown-up girl time.

9. Federal Donuts. I was introduced this weekend by J.'s brother, his fiancee, and her best friend, who fondly refer to it as "Fed 'Nuts" and tout the virtues of the donuts, the coffee, the fried chicken. Really, everything was delicious. I ate three donuts total, six different flavors: some more predictable cinnamon-sugary ones, and some like vanilla lavender, blackberry anise, and mango coconut. Plus, the place itself is earthy-cute in a way that places in Minneapolis are earthy-cute, but not many places in Delaware are. I am its latest fan.


10. People like to help each other. I posted a picture of my "save the bottle caps" jar on Instagram this weekend and within a few minutes I had two offers to send bottle cap collections for my project. Pretty cool.


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Thanks for joining us this Sunday night! Stick with me on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for updates on new posts and other stuff about new adulthood. Come back next Sunday night for a reminder of 10 good things that haven't happened yet, and on Wednesday night for a more in-depth reflection on post-grad life. Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile.

posted from Bloggeroid

what nobody ever says about networking

Well, dear readers, life gets in the way again. Or, life sidetracks. I have had this post about Meeting People in my Idea Bank for months, and was inspired to write it this week by a really great fleeting romantic encounter involving one of my friends... But then tonight happened and I have to switch tack. Keep an eye out for the Romantic Encounters post in the near future, though. (Also, I have been trying for years now -- plural! -- to get someone to write a guest post about online dating and for the life of me I can't get anyone to write it! So, dear readers, if any of you would like to take a stab at it I will love you forever.

...Speaking of romantic encounters.)

On to my story for this evening.

A week or two ago, I saw a Facebook post from an old family friend from the Upstate New York days, the mother of a girl I studied abroad with in high school saying she was going to be working at Winterthur for a few days. I commented that Winterthur happens to be just a few minutes up the road from where I am currently situated, and she messaged me right away and gave me her phone number and said she would love to meet up while she is in town.

So after work today she met my mom and me at Nirvana, an Indian restaurant in Independence Mall (fitting, since the circumstance of our meeting was the study abroad program in India).

Sidenote: Positive dining experience at Nirvana. We had a lovely combination of dishes: chicken madras, dal bukhara, and malai kofta with rice and raita; also the veg pakora were delicious. I would say it's on the underspiced side, especially compared to the fiery Maharaja Palace in Newark. The decor was also nice, and we got some joy out of the music. In the two hours we were there, I think there were only two other tables so it was pretty quiet on a Wednesday night. And now, back to the main event.

It was fabulous, to catch up after what has easily been seven or eight years, to share and to hear what we have all been up to, and to get a fresh perspective on things from what feels like another time and place. You know that feeling of introducing a high school friend to a college friend, like two versions of yourself are sliding together at least for a moment? Or the feeling of explaining a current situation to someone you knew very well in middle school, as if they can tell you how your middle school self would react to what is happening now, and reveal some sort of truth or wisdom you have since lost sight of? It's affirming.

Meeting up with this friend was also an opportunity to share updates on the lives of mutual friends, particularly a lot of the girls I went to school with on this program. That part was a little sad to me, because I have done a terrible job of staying in touch with most of them, and have mostly watched from afar as they all graduated together and visited each other around the world and traveled together. I will say that I am inspired now to drop a few notes to say hi and I hope you are well. Because I do. This is something I have never quite come to terms with: how can I ever express how often I think of people that have crossed my path throughout my life, and how important they are to me even if I have nothing really to say to them at this point in my life. I don't know. Staying in touch is a bit foreign to me. But I think I'm getting at least a little better at it over time.

I have, in fact, been in touch with at least one of these mutual friends in the past week or two, and I have been very happy to exchange a few words (and snapchats) with her.

Also in the last week I have exchanged messages with two really important people from my college days. And I've written some letters too. And all of these exchanges mean more to me than I can even comprehend or explain to myself.

So this all brings me to something I think about on a pretty regular basis, being a contributing member of society and spending so much of my time engaging with the working world: networking.

It's like a dirty word. It's what you have to do if you want career success. There is a right way and a wrong way to do it. The general feeling about it is reluctant and everybody has anxiety about it and to be honest I always associate the word with slimy and/or pretentious behavior and, at the very least, some fibbing and embellishment.

Which is really sort of silly, because I actually "network" all the time and I do legitimately enjoy making interesting connections with people. I like staying in touch with old friends who are doing interesting things; I like meeting new people who are doing interesting things and talking to them about it, and catching up with them later to find out what has changed and how the whole thing is going.

I met this woman on the plane coming back from MSP two weeks ago, who is an organizational change officer for her company. That means she travels around helping different branches of the company transition smoothly into using new systems and incorporating new policies into their basic operations, and making sure everybody is on board with what's going on. She talked a lot about the "people side of change."

I loved that! I wanted to ask about a billion questions, and I wanted to know how things turned out for her in the latest round of changes, and I wanted to talk to her about the impact of social media on organizational change and about the perspectives she gained from her studies in communications, in the context of what she was doing for work. I almost asked her if she had a card, or for some contact information, but I liked her so much I didn't want her to think I was being opportunistic, so I didn't ask. And I have been kicking myself ever since.

And I really think the reason I didn't ask is because that is a pretty standard "networking" technique and it seems opportunistic and not genuine and like just what I'm supposed to do. (We all know how I feel about things I'm just supposed to do.)

That may be more of a side effect of my stubborn beat-of-my-own-drum attitudes than the social stigma of networking, but I still think it's worth mentioning. Why can't I just think someone is cool and maybe want to talk to them about work, especially if we both like what we do and can inform each other's perspectives, without having it tainted by the veneer of corporate traditions? And why does something so pure, like an interesting conversation or a potential future friend or mentor or colleague, have to be cheapened by a term that carries so much weight of self-interest and personal gain?

I would love to hear other thoughts about the whole networking thing; I am pretty open to the idea that my resistance could easily be a byproduct of nervousness about putting myself out there, but I have always felt the whole "you have to do this to be successful" dialogue to cheapen connections between people that might otherwise be effortless and mutually enriching.

And to bring it back around to my original thought: I love catching up with you, classmates, friends, relatives and other readers. If I get around to sending you a personal message, it means I'm thinking about you and that I think you are probably doing something interesting and that I have respect and admiration and fond memories of you.

And if I don't get around to actually sending a message... I'm probably still thinking a lot of those same things.

Be well, readers; and be real.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: i should be over all the butterflies

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: I'm Into You by Paramore. Great. Power frontwoman. Mushy: I should be over all the butterflies... but after all this time / I'm still / into you.

2. Monday morning Power Yoga. When I was sick last week I found out that I have a perforated ear drum, which means no swimming until it heals, or until we decide it's not going to heal and I just have to resign myself to ear plugs for the rest of my life. Anyway, that means a new Monday morning routine at least temporarily. This week started with a new class at the Y closer to my house, so I went to class and then made breakfast at home before trucking off to work. Plus, the room was so warm it was almost like hot yoga. Sweet. (Sweat...)

3. Chili. J.'s project for his day off this week was to make chili. I came home to a house smelling like peppers and beans, and a week's worth of lunches and dinners. Delicious. Plus, it's been perfect chili weather lately.

4. WDSD 94.7 - Delaware's Country Station. I've been searching for "the right" country station since I moved to Wilmington over 2 years ago, and finally found it. You may not like country; but I do, because there is a lot of humanity in it. I used to say in college, "I want to be loved like a country song" because it's all in the details. It's all about the eyes and the moonlight... You know what I'm saying.

5. Football Sundays. Our regular Sunday routine got a twist this week; instead of the usual family dinner we headed over to watch football, drink beer, play video games, eat pizza and wings with some friends. It is a great way to finish off the weekend. Great company definitely doesn't hurt either.

6. Rolling with the punches. Last night we left the house planning on a hayride and bonfire... But right as we got on the wagon the wind picked up and the rain started slicing sideways, so we rescheduled and a few of us headed to a local bar for fall beers and french fries. Not a bad replacement, if you ask me.

7. Staying in touch. This week I finally got around to writing some letters and Facebook messages to old friends, and so far I've had some really heartwarming responses. I'm hoping to be able to spend some time this week getting back to them. That is something definitely worth my time.

8. New sneakers. I bought my last pair of running shoes just after Christmas, and they have carried me through at least four 5k races and a Spartan, plus the training for those races and my regular gym schedule. It was definitely time for a new pair. Can't wait to break them in!

9. Co-host Cassie is on her honeymoon in England right now! After the mind-meltingly beautiful wedding, the bride and groom are traveling through the UK with a decidedly literary focus. Luke has appeared in recent photos with busts of Virginia Woolf -- classic for book buffs.

10. Fall weather. October is finally starting to act in character, with cooler mornings, sometimes cold rain all day and sometimes perfect golden slanting sunshine... Either way, I'm ready for it. It makes pumpkin-flavored things and sweaters feel a lot more appropriate.

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Thanks for joining us this Sunday night! Stick with me on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for updates on new posts and other stuff about new adulthood. Come back next Sunday night for a reminder of 10 good things that haven't happened yet, and on Wednesday night for a more in-depth reflection on post-grad life. Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile.

posted from Bloggeroid

game night

Monday night, after dinner at my parents' house, they busted out their birthday present from my sister: Blokus. If you haven't played this game, you should. It's a strategy game with four players and pieces that look like tetris blocks. Basically, you lay down your colored blocks corner-to-corner across the playing board, working around the other three colors, blocking them out sometimes and laying claim to sections of the board. The object is to use up all your pieces, or be left with the fewest squares when there are no moves left.

Family Game Night has been a solid institution throughout my life, and with Family Movie Night and our family dinners they have made up the core of our Family Togetherness Mission.

I know this all sounds a little bit like a TV commercial for the All-American Family circa 1972, but there is an element to our dinners and Togetherness Events that goes a little against the all-American grain, at least in my mind.

Here it is: we are hardcore collectivists. On Movie Nights, the film selection process was usually more of a production than the actual watching of the movie. We very rarely took a vote; typically, we didn't hit play until we had all expressed some level of assent to the same title. A friend of my dad once commented that he had never seen any other family completely stop everything to solve one member's crisis.

And our gaming strategy always had a lot more to do with making the other players laugh than winning.

I realized this just this past Monday night, when two out of four players grew up in other households. My dad and I spent extra time looking for moves that opened up new areas of the board for our own pieces, without cutting off anyone else. And when we realized what was taking so long, we all had a laugh. "Yeah... At my house," J. said, "we would have probably been beating each other up and yelling trying to get our pieces on the board."

It occurred to me briefly that it's easy to "win" against people who are not playing for themselves. Flashback to the last few months of Mr. McKnight's sixth grade social studies class, spent on a capstone group project called (if I'm remembering right) The World Game. We were split up into teams of four, and each team had to create a country, a name and a map and a government, and identify the key resources of this country, and for every element we created we got points. And then we went to war.

The World Game took over our relationships, inside and outside of class. I spent some time making deals with a friend from another "country," that if it came down to our two great nations, that we would call it a draw and rule together.

And in the last week of school, it did indeed come down to our two great nations. My country (Claustinora) was faced with the decision to attack, and we had enough points that we could have taken them cleanly. We could opt to pass on attacking, and if we did, then they would have the option to accept and end the game with peace, or to take us over and win the game.

We spent a long time in deliberations. It took all my persuasive power and the better part of one class period for me to convince my team to pass, that I had made a reliable deal with the enemy to end the game in peace. But they eventually took my word for it.

And my friend was overruled, and we were defeated, and I will never forget the look on Mr. McKnight's face. Disappointment. I was a star; how could I let victory slip away?! We had it in the bag.

To this day I do feel a little bad for letting my fellow Claustinorans down. My friendship with the girl from our conquering country took a bit of a beating; we got over it, but it wasn't looking too good for awhile there. Silly or not, the trust had been broken.

My innocence took a hit that day, too. It was the first time I remember understanding, with clarity, the inequality of persuasion. I remember, once she had convinced me that she was overruled and could not persuade her teammates otherwise, the sudden comprehension that I had done something she couldn't do, and that this was an important difference between us. It was bigger than The World Game. This was middle school, and high school, and the corruption of the world beyond.

But you know what? On principle, I don't regret my decision. I do not regret successfully convincing my countrymen and women not to attack. I'm proud of that. Even at the ripe age of 10 I think I had my priorities in the right order. What I would have won by letting my team attack, by breaking my agreement with my friend, was in no way worth getting the highest grade on the project, and being responsible for breaking a friendship.

Family Togetherness Activities used to be a lot simpler, back when only some of us could talk. Now things are a lot more complicated. We all have different interests and it doesn't go quite as smoothly. But we still operate the same way.

The point of playing the game is not competition, and our choice in games has changed a little because of that. We play Scattergories and Bananagrams and creative strategy games that give us something to think about, or games that just make us laugh. That's the point. Laughing together.

The world is a lot more complicated now, too. It's a lot more complicated than waging war for grades with a point system (which also, in retrospect, is more flawed than I realized at the time). Most people don't operate from a collectivist standpoint; I think if we did, if that was our modus operandi, the world would be better. But I understand. It's hard to wrap our minds around being a collective with millions and billions of people. It's hard to wrap our minds around being a collective with so many different kinds of people, who have different kinds of experiences and want different things.

But we have lost sight of the fact that what affects others affects us, and vice versa. There is some game theory, some butterfly effect, some totally random universe-at-work business involved here. When we categorically ignore what is good for people who are different from us, even if we ignore what they say is good for them, if we have a different idea of "good," we are doing ourselves a disservice. We are doing our collectives, however we define them, whether we believe in them or not -- we are doing a disservice to our communities and to the world we live in.

Give it some thought. What do we win, really, that's important, when we "win" this game? What do we win by letting this one go?

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: there's a warm wind blowing the stars around

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

The government may have shut down this week, but All Good Things did not and will not! Even in times of trouble, there is beauty in the world.

1. Song of the week: I'd Really Love To See You Tonight by England Dan & John Ford Coley. I heard this song on the radio on my drive home last Sunday, and it's been the only thing I've wanted to listen to all week. Classic.

2. Care packages. Just saw my girl Liz last weekend, but I got a bulky letter from her this week with a bunch of Kona bottle caps (from Hawaii) in it. This totally counts as a care package for me... Plus I've got a project brewing, one that involves a LOT of bottle caps.

3. Dads. I was out of work sick for most of this week (not a Good Thing) and on Tuesday when I woke up with a black eye I knew just who to call. My dad immediately snapped into action, took me to the doctor and then to the pharmacy and then sat with me at home until J. got home from work. I also got to hang out with him all day yesterday; we watched Castle and got milkshakes and sat down by the creek for awhile. It's nice. Dads are the best.

4. Girls' night out. Last night I went out for dinner at the Melting Pot with J.'s sister, his brother's fiancée, and a couple of friends. A four-course meal starting with cheese fondue and ending with chocolate fondue, with salad and meat we cooked ourselves at the table in between. Delicious. Plus, I do have a thing for really participatory eating experiences. And of course the company was great. It is important to have solid, intelligent, interesting women around.

5. How I Met Your Mother Season 8. This season just came out on DVD this week, so of course J. and I went out and bought it and have been burning through the episodes. SPOILER ALERT: I have been waiting for Robin and Barney to get together since the beginning of time so this season makes me dance gleefully again and again.

6. Sweet & salty caramel dip. Better than the regular old caramel dip, and not quite as sweet. With lemon-soaked apple slices? Unstoppable.

7. Leisurely walks. Since I've been sick this week I have pretty much been lying around not moving much outside of the regular bed-kitchen-bathroom-couch circuit. Finally now that I am starting to feel better J. and I went for a walk around the Newark Reservoir. It's way too hot for October, but the breeze up there is nice and mostly it's just good to get moving again.

8. Email chains. You all have heard of the "three things I'm grateful for today" email chain. This week I also have an email chain about depression and courageous expression with a fellow Delaware writer, and an email chain about company culture, jobs or lack thereof, and other solid new adult topics with some social science research friends from college. Gives me something to look forward to among the technological overload that is my life.

9. Making progress. In the good old "three things I'm grateful for" email chain this week one theme has been making progress, on personal goals and self-improvement and taking care of ourselves. Words of wisdom from the discussion: "You cannot change what you do not measure."

10. R&R. Since I was literally ordered by a medical professional to stay home for three days this week (not my personality type) I decided to make the most of it. Part of the reason I got so sick in the first place is because I didn't get enough rest, pushed myself too hard until I didn't have anything left. So this week I caught up on sleep, watched mundane movies that no one else will watch with me (except my little sister who was also sick this week) and just generally tried to breathe (which was difficult thanks to the deep cough that knocked me out in the first place, but still made a difference). I can't tell you enough how important it is to STAY RESTED! It's fall and flu season, people. Take good care of yourselves!

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Thanks for joining us this week. I hope it made your Sunday night! Like Second Set of Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga, tune in on Wednesday for reflections on new adulthood, and come back next Sunday night for the good things that are going to happen soon! Until then, be kind to each other, and treat yourself well.

resetting

I have spent the better part of the past two days flattened by a terrible cough, which before it flattened me turned me into a bit of a zombie at work on Monday and a few days last week.

I have always known that sickness waits for me to wear myself out, and then at my lowest, tiredest point, it strikes. This is what happened this time: I ran myself into the ground; an upper respiratory infection, perforated eardrum, and OTC drug allergy took me out.

I also know that I am strong, and I construct my life primarily in order to keep it that way: mentally, emotionally, physically. It generally works in my favor.

As my doctor grandfather once told me, "Our bodies are amazing and designed to take care of themselves, for the most part. But sometimes they need a little help."

In my case, "a little help" means that a lot of people get on my case about taking it easy and going to a doctor, and then finally someone with medical authority signs a form basically forcing me to reset for a given amount of time. (I meant to write rest instead of reset, but I decided that I liked the implications of that mistake. So I'm leaving it, and I made it the title too.)

Normally I would be racked with anxiety about the world getting on its merry way (or not-so-merry way, as it seems lately) without me, but this time, surprisingly, I'm enjoying my only commute being between my bed, the shower, the kitchen, and the couch... With a lot of coughing interspersed.

I'm not sure why it's different this time. Maybe I'm just getting old and that means being glad for an excuse to take it easy for once.

Maybe it's because of what I found when I went away this weekend.

I flew out to MSP for the wedding of a really important friend from college, and while I was there got to see a bunch of other really important friends. And through all these conversations, and walking paths my feet know well, passing familiar places and through neighborhoods where people fix bikes in the lawn and leave their front doors open, I felt some pieces click into place that had been missing or out of alignment. You can probably tell that I have not been particularly comfortable with my general circumstances lately... But this weekend I started to finally feel at peace with myself, and suddenly a lot of things just made sense. I made sense to myself.

This all sounds very touchy-feely, but there is undeniable value in having good friendships and family relationships, and in those relationships clarifying our own selves and our lives for and with each other.

I'm not quite sure yet where this all is going, where it came from, what it means... But I'm excited to find out. Maybe Day 3 of resetting is just the right environment to start figuring it out.

posted from Bloggeroid