Today is the day.
I've had a date for four years, since 7/7/07, at the Lunchbox Cafe in Amsterdam (which is probably closed by now anyway) that I'm going to have to miss. Sorry, List Club.
On 7/7/07 Brigid, Dee, Chelsea, Jen, and Emma planned to meet up in four years for lunch, same time, same place (I think it was 11:30, so I guess I've already missed it even by Wisconsin time).
So where are we?
Brigid's in Potsdam, waitressing.
Dee is in seclusion in Alaska studying Kittlitz's murrelets, whatever those are.
Emma is in Amsterdam making mad dinero at Target.
Chelsea is in Amsterdam, doing something I don't know about. Figuring out her life, probably, like all of us are doing in our own way.
Who knows where Jen is, or the last sighting. She's probably somewhere interesting overachieving as usual.
And me? I'm in rural Wisconsin, waitressing, setting off sparklers in my driveway, riding my bike all over town, making granola before work in the morning and cooking up ridiculous entrees for dinner at night. I'm meeting people, slowly but surely, getting to know myself again, better. Finding out what I like and what I'm good at.
It's starting to feel silly, putting a considerable amount of time and energy into setting up my living space and my life, building relationships, actually getting involved in the community here, when I'm presumably going to be hightailing it out of here in August. I'm so tempted to stay here, keep working my job and find another one more specific to my interests. Find a more permanent and practical living situation. Get to a point where the people I meet (like boys who went to high school with Emilyrose and now take us out to Loggers' and buy us rounds of Miller High Life) can count on the fact that I'll be around for awhile. I like it here, despite all the small-town drama, the near-death weather experiences, and the long-ass mountain-bike-trail driveway. And while I once received a text message that read: "You travel like no one I've ever met," I don't want to get in the habit of bouncing around like my family did. I want to be part of a community so I can be old in a cafe with people I've known my entire life. I desperately want to be accepted somewhere. Thanks to the person who pointed that out to me.
On the other hand, I'm finally figuring out, here, that I can be an Interesting Person -- a real, alive, existentially interesting person -- and still be accepted.
Or at least, I can be interesting, not your typical waitress-in-a-box, and still get mad tips.
maybe not physically, but it sounds like you kept that date like nobody's business by intentionally remembering and reflecting on what it meant then, and what it means now. you'll always be central, not just accepted, in the communities you take part in, and here's why: you are a community-MAKER... gathering people together over dress-up parties, spoken word, meals, storytelling, nicknames, and so many other silly things. maybe you've had more homes than i can count without using my fingers, but why measure friendship in time, when you could measure it in depth? and truthfully, can't you think of a few deep connections formed in a few minutes?
ReplyDeletehere's to you C de T, and to your heart-warming belief in home.