Tuesday, June 21, 2011

being lilly

On Saturday Ann and I drove down to the Cities in the pouring rain to see Timmy dance in a performance at the RedEye Theater.  He's the completion of our trio and we've been missing him.

Something changed in the past year.  I stopped visiting the art galleries during my free afternoons.  I stopped going to every dance performance and theater production that was free with a St. Olaf ID.  I hardly even stopped in for any open mic nights.  This is the second time I've seen Timmy dance since I tied him at limbo on Halloween weekend at the 24-hour danceathon, but it's not the second time he's danced since then.

So it was a big deal for me to make it down to this (especially when I could have stayed and worked all night at the winery) and even more significant that I found myself laughing hysterically or having visceral reactions to the dance.  Most significant, a phrase popped into my head that I haven't thought of in maybe over a year: I'm Lilly! I am the Queen! I like EVERYTHING!


It's from a book called Chester's Way by Kevin Henkes, one of my mom's and my favorites.  If you've known me for any extended period of time in college, I've probably read it to you.

Anyway, I used to identify with Lilly like CRAZY.  She never leaves the house without one of her nifty disguises, she carries a squirt gun for emergencies, she waves at cars and tries everything once and basically is always just making some sort of a ruckus.  At some point I got scared, shy, self-conscious, and I lost touch with the root of Lilly's wildness: a taste for life at its richest.

So this weekend I hit up the Osceola Braves game on Friday night, with $2 brats and $2.50 beers.  (It reminded me of the Amsterdam Mohawks games in the summer, and going there to see everyone I graduated with that I wouldn't see otherwise.)  I spent Saturday night in Minneapolis with my trio, ate delicious thick spiced pancakes at 3am.  On Sunday I swam in the St. Croix River for the first time -- it takes some getting used to again, liking everything.  Especially ticks, which are out in full force again.  We had five between the two of us last night alone.  But already I have taught myself not to scream and flail when I feel one crawling.

This is a cool time to be single, so we can try a bunch of different things and decide for ourselves if we like them or not.  We can try different jobs, different foods, different types of music and different fun activities.  We can like everything if we want to.  And suddenly I am excited again about this possibility.  I can recalibrate myself.  I can break old habits and do everything new.  Sweet.

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