The first step of the 12-step program should really be my Cause, because the whole "admit you have a problem" thing has turned my life around on more than one account.
(Historical examples from my life include:
- Depression
- "I'm [still] in love with you"
- "I'm not in love with you anymore"
- "I'm lonely"...)
Predictably, I'm feeling much better today, after a really delicious local craft beer, a decorating spree last night, two phone conversations with good friends in far-off lands, some good tunes, and a good rock-like sleep -- although I did dream that I was robbed at a beach bar during an impending hurricane, while wearing a mini-skirt...
The moment I really snapped out of it, though, was when I accidentally let a construction truck turn out of a gas station in front of me on my way to work this morning. I almost sighed and rolled my eyes, but then the driver raised his coffee cup to me and I felt his smile blast straight through the tension in my solar plexus. I laughed, relaxed my death grip on the steering wheel, and reminded myself to enjoy my beautiful drive -- and my string of unusually green lights -- to Hockessin.
I should stick a reminder on my steering wheel that altruism and patience on the road sloughs a ton of the stress off of driving. I kick myself every day for not letting someone cross, not letting someone turn, being so anxious to get from point A to point B that I forget to be nice. Reminds me of keys to happiness we came across in Tom's Med Anthro class 2 springs ago.
Also on the plus side, the sun has been shining in that crisp, Daylight-Savings-impending way it does come autumn -- kind of the way my knuckles start to dry out in the fall, so does the air. Harvest-time sunshine doesn't drench you the same way summer sun does. I spend my lunch breaks these days soaking up those rays as they slip out of reach into the southern hemisphere for a few months. There are also delicious things about this season, like Pumpkin Spice coffee and pumpkin beer. Mmm... And on my way home today I saw three small kids get off the school bus to meet their moms at Hockessin Woods. The biggest one was this tiny Asian boy who must have been the oldest, because he hurtled across the road to hug his bouncing younger sister, so excited to have her older siblings home from school. Really warms the cockles of my bitter heart.
Let me (re)iterate my life philosophy: happy endings can exist. The story of my life is based on true events, but it's up to me to write it. I get to choose where I put the periods, where the story ends. I can end it happily if I want to. And when it stops being happy, the next sentence starts and will eventually come to resolution.
On failure leading sentences to a fruitful finish, I recommend this somewhat odd take on a tribute to Steve Jobs. Despite my not-remotely-secret Apple boycott I am personally struck by his brilliance and resilience, and by the incredible impact of his death today on our incredibly broad and diverse society.
As if I need another reminder that I've still got plenty of sentences to write. Thanks, Steve.
...And thanks to the driver of that construction truck on Highway 41 this morning, and his coffee cup.
dayum, girl.
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