doing 'nothing'

Our beginning-of-the-week conversations for the first few months consisted of, "What did you do this weekend?" "Nothing." "Really? Nothing?" *Shrug* Before we started exchanging books, hanging out first once a week, then twice, then three or four times and texting in between.

Three and a half years later, people are asking us, "What are you guys doing for the Fourth?" And we say, "Nothing."

It's been nonstop for months now, the days and weeks and weekends jam-packed with meetings and hanging out and appointments and checking things off the list. I like that, to an extent; but a three-day weekend with no obligations is a rainbow unicorn in my version of adulthood, at least.

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Last week I wrote, but my heart wasn't in it. And then Friday evening came around, and our fridge was fresh out of food and we had company coming from out of town. So I decided not to post. I stressed about it for an hour or so, and realized I wasn't being present, and that's the important thing; so I gave myself a get-out-of-jail free card and forgot about it. This is part of being gracious toward myself.

It's about what's important. Celebrating means different things to different people, and has meant different things to me at different points in my life. Some people like spending holidays in the world's most famous celebration spots, packed up against strangers like the contents of a massive sushi roll. Those people probably think of strangers as future friends.

I am working on priorities. It's hard for an overcommitter like me to stay committed to everything, and I'm working on whittling down my commitments, whittling down my priorities and using the important things as a flowchart to decide whether I can take anything else on or not. I'm reading lots of LinkedIn articles about it and testing out methods of keeping my life in order. My biggest central goal right now is finding zen in the rhythm of my life, even when it's crazy and too full of good things. Rolling with it.

But my top priority is clear: my relationships with good people - maintaining them, and, more importantly, enjoying them.

Last week, when I really thought about it, between my commitment to blogging and my commitment to hosting, the choice was pretty clear. Today, I am taking a much-needed breather, starting my day with good food and a long conversation, just J and me, with good food and drinks sprinkled throughout. This relationship takes precedence, the health of our relationship and taking time to check in and recalibrate, and while we're at it, putting some care into our mental health.

This is a bit of an oversimplification, but so far my big lesson for summer 2015 is prioritizing, and using that hierarchy to make decisions about what I'm committing to.

With that in mind, I'm signing off. Happy Fourth (though I hope you all are celebrating with your friends and families, dear readers, and won't see this until the day is over). Until I write again...

guest post: big apple zen

Hannah is a fellow Class of 2011 Ole now living and studying for her MSW in New York City. When she first moved into my realistic radius, I invited her down for a "small city" weekend to share a little home. We talked about social responsibility and responsibility to ourselves and finding home and peace in the midst of instability and unfamiliarity. Hannah is a smart, thoughtful woman and I have been eagerly awaiting blog-ready insights from her for months now.

So, brew a cup of tea and enjoy!

I had talked to Clara about being a guest blogger this past summer on a particularly helpful trip to Delaware. I had just moved to New York and was feeling a little overwhelmed, lost, and lonely and my trip to see her provided comfort and some much-needed revitalization.

Since that visit I have thought at length in regards to what I might want to write about. Maybe it’s because I’m in busy with school but every time I sat down to write I had trouble seeing the forest for the trees. My sentences came out long and jumbled and I couldn’t seem to express thoughts with any semblance of clarity.

Because it’s the New Year and because I was just spoiled with an outrageously long winter break, I’m feeling relaxed, inspired and in the mood to take another shot at this guest blogger thing.

The past few weeks in the Midwest taught me something about the beauty of simplicity, which was rather humbling and helpful for a girl occasionally consumed by the glamour and romance of New York City.

My nephew, who is just shy of being one year old, was the guiding force of this revelation. Hanging out with him for copious amounts of time so that my sister and brother-in-law could get some much needed rest allowed me to be goofy and uncomplicated for large portions of the day.

With the exception of time spent getting more cups of coffee, snowshoeing and loading and unloading my parents’ dishwasher, my days were spent reading baby books, blowing raspberries, and hiding behind various objects in pursuit of his peek-a-boo laughter (an especially contagious variety of laughter). When my boyfriend came over, I noticed that he was not immune to this infectious play and I often caught him doing the Macarena or building and subsequently knocking over block towers to induce more fits of giggles.

In a class I once took on mindfulness, my teacher described children as the ultimate Zen Masters. For parents I’m sure this sentiment involves all manner of patience, courage and faith. For me, my nephew was the Zen master of pure and simple joy.

With some intentionality, I hope to bring this wisdom to Manhattan, so that instead of being perceived solely as a student/intern in a competitive rat race, I can present myself as someone who’s willing to lay on the carpet with a bowl on their head while blowing raspberries at an animated 10 month old, because that’s the version of myself in which I feel most authentic.

Don’t get me wrong, my aspirations will and have led me to institutions where professional demeanor is required, but I hope my multi-dimensional presence will be evident no matter where I work or study. And while I am not ready for parenthood, Aunt-hood has come at a valuable time. Not only do I love and cherish my nephew, I also value his teachings on staying put and keeping it simple.

With him my defenses are down and my heart is wide open.

posted from Bloggeroid