the end is nigh

It's April thirtieth. A month from now the blog will be done. After tonight there will be four more Wednesday night reflections, and four more Sunday night All Good Things lists.

I don't know if I'm ready.


But really, will I ever be ready? I almost wrote the second sentence as: "A month from now Second Set of Baby Steps will be done." But that statement isn't true. The second set of baby steps I've been taking, and writing about, over the past three years are not going to stop when I stop writing about them. In fact, I could argue that life is really just one long series of baby steps. We just learn how to walk in different ways, different contexts. Like learning to walk on carpet and hardwood floor and grass and sand and cobblestones.

I don't feel ready to stop writing, but I'm not filled with anxiety about it, either. It's like shedding an old skin to make way for a new one (not that I know what that feels like, actually; I'm just guessing). I'm a little worried that maybe the new skin won't grow in all the way, or that it will be ugly or uncomfortable. But skins have been shed for centuries and continue to be shed, so chances are it will turn out just fine.

Things I'm Afraid Of In The Post-Blog World

1. Not writing. What will happen when I take away the commitment I've made to write twice a week? What will happen when I no longer have a huge dedicated fan following holding me accountable and waiting for my posts every week? (Shhh, just let me believe what I need to believe, guys...) What if I stop writing altogether?

I know what you're thinking: That's easy, slacker. Stop trying to get out of it. Just make a commitment to keep writing. That's that.

2. Losing one of my major coping mechanisms. On a serious note, the blog has been my journal over the past few years. I started it as a venue for working through tough adult issues in a public way, in hopes that it would help me and my fellow graduates, and it has definitely done that, if the responses I've gotten are any indication. And I hoped that it would keep us connected, so we could help each other through it.

What I didn't foresee happening was how the blog helped me stay positive through all the struggles. I felt like I had to end every post on a high note, or at least an optimistic one... And actually managed to convince myself most of the time!

3. Falling out of touch. This one, I think, is most likely to come true. Since graduation, when I meet up with people I went to school with, someone I'm not regularly in touch with will inevitably say, "So, what's up? I mean, I read your blog, but what don't you write about? What do you really think about things?"

Some posts have prompted out-of-touch friends to send me a message or start a conversation. Others brought outpourings of support from all corners. Some even spurred deeper relationships with people who were only acquaintances before.

4. Going dull. Overall, the blog has been the fuel for deep, broad, engaging, life-changing conversations and ideas that I had in abundance when I was in school, but have had a harder time sustaining since. I'm just now starting to find these conversations in person again, here. Maybe it's that I've been here long enough to develop that depth of relationship, or maybe I'm just getting more comfortable starting those conversations myself.

But what if, when I have no regular commitment to explore deeper issues, those habits fade and those parts of my brain start to dissolve?


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So, here is my commitment to try and prevent these, my worst post-apocalyptic fears, from coming true.

Things I Will Do Instead Of Blogging

1. Help J cook dinner instead of hurrying up to finish my posts before date night can start. I'm not proud of this, but it happens. Maybe when I have dedicated my Wednesday nights to only one thing (pro tip) I'll be a little better.

2. Check my email. Maybe. Maybe I'll even respond to some of them!

3. Read books! So into this lately. My stack is still growing, but for the first time since high school I'm actually putting a dent in it.


4. Write letters. Another venue for those "big talks," maybe. Also Skype dates and Google Hangouts.

5. Start going to open mics and Delaware writers' meet-ups again. I've gotten remiss, since most of the other writers have actual writing projects in the works, and I just have a blog that doesn't develop in a way that is easily talked about.

6. Think about taking classes or going to grad school. I can hardly even sink my teeth into this one as things are now... I'm not committing to this, for the record - just to considering it.

7. Plan my wedding! I should probably take this seriously...

8. Work on other projects. I've got a lot of things lined up waiting for my attention, including but not limited to:
- finally starting work on my bottle-cap dry bar
- the poetry collection my boss has been pushing me to compile for two years now
- extending Girl Talk, my senior independent study project about the role talking plays in female friendships
- other mini/unscientific research projects that keep popping up
- an essay collection or series based roughly on the baby steps blog
- maybe actually finishing National Novel Writing Month for once
- or National Poetry Month
- building or finding some bookshelves
- doing art, to hang on my walls or send to far-off friends
- fixing or reappropriating some things that are broken, like jewelry and broken cups
- maybe turn the blog into a website
- put together the T-shirts I've been saving for years into a quilt

("Projects do be done" is always a list of its own...)


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It's been a long time coming, this end. And believe me when I say it's not an entirely easy or happy thing for me to do. But I hope it will be productive.

One more month, readers. Let me know what you think about all this, how you feel about the blog ending, and what you want to read about in the final throes.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: two hands, one beating heart

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So set yourself up outside and enjoy this week's good things in the sun!

1. Song of the week: Girls Chase Boys by Ingrid Michaelson. This one's dedicated to my roommate Katy, whose birthday was this week. She has been playing the song on repeat all weekend, while we prepped for the party and then cleaned up after it. I already love Ingrid Michaelson, but this song is such a feel-good anthem, catchy, poppy, upbeat... and the video is so great too. Obsessed. - Clara

2. My dad gave up his whole Saturday to fix our faucet. The levers on our bathroom sink faucet have been missing since we moved in, which makes it incredibly hard to turn the water on and off when your hands are wet and soapy and slippery. We bought some knobs to try and screw on there, but it didn't work, so my dad spent his entire Saturday running around, finding parts, and installing a brand-new faucet for us. We already knew he was da bomb, but really. This is just beyond awesome. - Clara

3. Nora Lee's French Quarter Bistro. J took me out to Old New Castle for date night this week, and we went to this excellent, pretty legit New Orleans-style restaurant. We drank Abita and ate blackened cajun everything, salmon and tuna and jambalaya and hush puppies. YUM. - Clara

4. Sunday morning breakfast. Luke and I had a lot of moving left to do from our old place today so we decided to get up early and head out to breakfast. We went to Turtle Bread, our favorite neighborhood spot. I had some amazing french toast, and Luke had salmon scramble. It was such a relaxing way to start a day of moving. Also, I'm still full 5 hours later so that's never bad either. - Cassie

5. Rainy afternoons. Now that I have a dog, I'm not such a huge fan of rainy days. It involves lots of wet dog problems that are sort of annoying. BUT, there really is something about a rainy afternoon where the smell of the falling rain wafts in through the window while a Harry Potter marathon plays on ABC family and I sip a homemade latte. Hard to have negative feelings during those moments! - Cassie

6. Hosting family. Luke and I had his parents over to stay for Easter weekend. I was pretty stressed going into it. We have a one-bedroom apartment, Luke's mom doesn't like dogs, and we were also having everyone in his family over for dinner on Friday night. Despite all my anxiety, things went really well! Everyone had a great time, and I really enjoyed having them stay here. - Cassie

7. Having my books with me in the new apartment. During the move we decided books didn't need to be moved right away so we left them behind for the time being. We finally moved them to our new place, and I didn't realize how much I missed them! They add so much color and life to our apartment. - Cassie

8. NOT being on reality TV. My friend Marina and I discovered a terrible reality show this week called BridalPlasty, which gathers 10 women into a house and makes them vote each other out, one by one. That's bad enough, but what they're competing for is a full-body plastic surgery makeover and a celebrity dream wedding completely paid for. Along the way they get to have minor procedures done, and have Botox parties. The one episode we watched was full of lines like, "Who doesn't want to have a few nips and tucks?" Me. I don't. I'm good, thanks. And I'm super thankful that I'm happy with my body just the way it is. - Clara

9. Divergent by Veronica Roth. This is our latest book club selection (which I would have tried to read even if we hadn't chosen it for discussion) and I just finished it this afternoon! So good. Can't wait to get my hands on the second book... - Clara


10. Friends you can work with and play with. Last night we had a bunch of people over, people we met at different places and do different things with. Some we work with and/or work out with and/or hang out with. It was cool getting everybody together in the same place with some shared interests (food, drinks, and games) and when I went to church the next morning I saw some of the people that were there and we got to exchange knowing glances the whole time. Lots of good people in my life. - Clara


* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

some shade of the green life

Happy belated Earth Day, y'all. I've been thinking about "the green life" a lot lately. I think it started two months ago, when I stumbled upon a TEDTalk called "Paper Beats Plastic? How To Rethink Environmental Folklore," by an environmental designer. It's a little long, but I recommend queueing it up to watch when you have a moment. It definitely changed my perspective about a few things.


It woke me up to the impact of my little actions, and how they add up. Spoiler: electric kettles in Britain (high tea country) cause the country to have to borrow power from France during commercial breaks; because paper bags are heavier, they add up to a negative environmental impact faster; and refrigerator size has increased a full cubic foot over the past few years. On top of the enormous energy output of our fridges, they are so big food gets lost in there. In the U.S., 40% of the food we buy for our homes is wasted.

This stuff is crazy.

Other things, too, contribute to my intensifying interest in lowering my impact. The Franklin Institute (named after the illustrious Benjamin Franklin) dedicates an entire room to the study of electricity. (The global warming room leads right into it.) These exhibits feature interactive machines, including one that measures your carbon footprint. I don't remember now what mine was, but I took another ecological footprint survey yesterday that told me it would take 4.6 earths to support our global population if everyone lived like me.

And, to be honest, it also has something to do with the fact that I pay the monthly utility bill at our house. 'Nuff said? If the power company offers me a way to cut my usage and cut our bill in the process, I take it.


But it is interesting trying to make these kinds of lifestyle changes not at St. Olaf, which is full of people who eat locally (and sometimes even grow their own food) and ride bikes everywhere and recycle or repurpose everything and take infrequent showers (don't worry, Oles, I say that with nostalgia, not disgust).

Once, on alumni weekend, I met the guy who started St. Olaf's now robust and omnipresent recycling program. It's so omnipresent, in fact, that I was surprised at how young he was. He only graduated in 1998, but his project made an enormous cultural shift on a campus used by over 2,500 people every day. Imagine that impact spread over the past 16 years!

That's not to say that every person at St. Olaf was environmentally conscious to the same degree. But it was a pretty big part of the culture there, and for the most part we shared a similar kind of environmental folklore. Now I live and work with people who learned different versions of those stories. These people aren't necessarily in the habit of recycling. We all have different preferences and tolerances for heat and cold. We have different relationships with paper towels and plastic bottles, with screens and with printing. And we have learned differently our role in the world and how to care for it. My roommates, bosses, coworkers and friends don't always go along with my eco-friendly plans (though, to be fair, sometimes they do). At work I'm the crazy hippie who eats greens and convinced them to stop buying water bottles and get a cooler instead; at home, I'm the "unconventional one," obsessed with reusing jars and turning off lights.

And there are other external limitations. An electric car, for example, is not an option for me right now. Solar or wind power is not available in my neighborhood, in my current home or office. There is no bus or train that runs between my house and my work, and the roads and neighborhoods that take me there are not bike-friendly.

Maybe I'm just making excuses. But it's never easy to change lifestyle patterns, particularly when I'm running my dollars and my hours down to the quick on a regular basis. There are other things that take precedence.

But I really would love not to contribute to the downward spiral of this world, so I'll keep plugging away. After awhile, the little things will add up.

all good things: i'm no superman

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Cassie is celebrating Easter with her family this week, but will rejoin us next Sunday night.

So set yourself up outside and enjoy this week's good things in the sun!

1. Song of the week: Superman by Lazlo Bane. The Scrubs theme song: I've been listening to it all day, and I also think the words are a good reminder to me. I can't do this all on my own, / no, I'm no superman...

2. Chard sauteed in bacon grease. I made rainbow chard from our CSA twice this week, chopped up and sauteed with bacon grease and just a little bit of pepper. It is unbelievably good, and super quick and easy!

3. New toilet seat! The hinge holding our toilet seat onto the toilet was cracked when we moved in, and it finally snapped all the way off last week... Which means the seat would randomly fall off when you were sitting on it. Not cool. So like adults we went out, bought a new one, and put it on. Seriously one of the most worthwhile things I have done in awhile. It only took about 5 minutes to switch and it makes all the difference.

4. Union Jack's. A pub in Manayunk (Philadelphia) that I've been hearing about for years. It's got a great ambience, great beer, great service, and great company. Apparently the wings are so good no other wings can live up to them, but I'm not a big fan or expert in chicken wings so I'll just pass on the recommendation on that one.

Plus, you can control the jukebox using an app on your phone. Our group definitely took advantage of that.

5. Safe travels. This is something I try not to take for granted ever, but especially now when there have been so many big transportation disasters lately. My mom and sister are in India for spring break right now, and they arrived safely at their destination.

6. Projects. My dad texted me on Saturday morning to ask for help putting together a presentation for the Easter Vigil that evening. I made a version of a Creation story PowerPoint for him sometime in high school, but since then it's deteriorated and the slides got out of order. So I spent a few hours on Saturday putting it back together, and while it wasn't all fun and games, it did feel really good to help my dad in one of the biggest weeks of the church year, and to do something creative like that.

7. Being taken care of. I have felt awful all day today, with a persistent headache and stomachache that laid me out on the couch for most of it. J kindly, and without complaining, gave up his Easter Sunday to camp out in the living room with me, make sure I didn't pass out from dehydration, and keep me company.


8. Lemon honey ginger. This is my drink of choice this week, with the big changes in temperature and feeling sick for most of today. I shred some ginger into a pot, boil it in water, stir in a teaspoon or so of honey, and then at the last minute add a splash of lemon juice. It's so delicious and it has cured many an ill.

9. Scrubs. This is one of the shows J likes to watch in his spare moments throughout the week, and this morning when I set up shop in the living room that's what he had on. So we watched it for most of the day. It's just so good. There are some dumb parts, but the show actually touches on some real human issues, emotional vulnerabilities and the nuances of relationships that keep us all on our toes, even in the real world. And it's pretty funny too.

10. Spending time just focusing on people, and being flexible. This week I spent a little while hanging out with my sister and talking about college; spent time talking with my friend Jess about a whole range of different big-deal kind of things in both of our lives; worked on a project with my dad (that's our quality time); had two date nights with J, one of them spontaneous; went out for dinner spontaneously on Friday night; and I forgot my phone at home when we went out last night, so I couldn't pull it out to distract myself even if I wanted to. I feel like my time was well-spent.

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

grown up magic craft bag

Last week I picked up our second farm share, and when I brought it home we took everything out of the bag and spread it out to see what we had to work with, and brainstorm recipes. I had a flashback from my childhood to the magic craft bag from Barney. If ever I wished something from my childhood TV shows would come to life, it was that.

I waited awhile, but I probably appreciate it more now. The CSA, I am certain, is the adult version of the magic craft bag: an unanticipated combination of items that you have to figure out how to combine to make something useful and good. It is the ultimate opportunity to exercise creativity, and in my grown-up life in particular that is a welcome opportunity indeed.


We get a new share every other week, and we barely finish it. I have been devouring articles about how to make produce last: how to keep greens from wilting and how to store fruit to keep it perky. And we have become good friends with the AllRecipes app, figuring out which search terms will turn up a recipe that uses the most of our fresh ingredients.

This week I Googled chard smoothies, looking for an inspired mix to use up the leafy greens from last Wednesday. And one of the top results, to my surprise, was a bold blog title telling me "How Green Smoothies Can Devastate Your Health"!

As a social media marketer, I am all too familiar with clickbait. It's a pet peeve of mine. On the other hand, what if one of my go-to breakfasts is slowly killing me?

So I read it, and the short version is that green leafy vegetables have something in them called oxalates that can crystallize inside the body and can cut or scratch membranes and cause kidney stones and all manner of other issues. It sounded extreme, and not entirely unbiased, so I looked at a couple of other sources and noticed something that was repeated throughout the original article: People who drink green smoothies tend to drink them often, several times a week or every day.

First of all, this is an assumption about the behavior of ALL people who drink green smoothies. Secondly, other articles made far more of a point of saying that some people are more sensitive to oxalates and more susceptible to the kind of health problems that they can cause - if you eat too many of them.

(Perfect opportunity to plug my mantra: moderation, people!)


Here's the thing: my case against this anti-green smoothie post and its brethren is by no means unbiased either. I like green smoothies and they make me feel good, so I'm going to keep drinking them. I am obviously not an expert on oxalates, kidney stones, or even green vegetables. But I have always hated when people tell me that their social diet is better than what I'm eating. It just seems so spiteful, and I can't help but think that people who spend all their time writing these blog posts about what carcinogens are found in their favorite tea bags, and what "14 foods you eat every day that cause cancer" probably don't enjoy eating very much, and probably aren't very happy in general.

Plus, there are probably as many blog posts about the benefits of green smoothies as there are about their dangers; as many posts about why raw veganism is good for you as there are about how bad it is for you; as many posts about how a paleo diet made someone into a new, happier and healthier person as there are about people who became miserable and sick when they tried paleo; and so on. Most of them - on any side of the fence - make some valid points, or are based on something true.

There are things I love to eat that other people hate, things that my friends and family devour that make me feel terribly ill. I paid attention in research class when the professor said that experiential data isn't statistically valid; I know science is based on reproducible testing and results on a large scale. But let's be real. We're human. We don't believe anything unless we have some personal, first-hand connection to it.

I like talking about what foods I like, and what foods you like, especially if we both are passionate about food. I like talking about things people are passionate about. (A friend of mine just wrote a blog post about "spreading the paleo love", which is an approach that actually got me interested in learning more about paleo.

Set that against a different friend who started eating paleo in college and told me regularly that our bodies aren't made to process the kind of food I was eating, and that my diet was going to kill me. You won't be surprised to learn that I didn't try very hard to eat with him from then on.)

When I was talking about all of this, J said, "But you actually like eating healthy." I do. I like home-cooked meals and things I don't have to excavate from their packaging. I feel better when I eat fresh things, and I like the taste of them. I try to buy from responsible sources when I can. And, yes, I do enjoy ice cream and donuts and chips and chocolate and frozen salted caramel cappuccinos every now and then!

Across the board, I like to do things that make my life better, my relationships better, my community better, and my world better. I'm human, and there are a lot of things I can't control, so I can't hope to have zero negative impact, but I am doing my best to create a net positive. I don't want to read things or be around people who leave a bad taste in my mouth or try to force their views on me, I try to exercise the Golden Rule and not be that for other people.

So, green-smoothie haters, try a gentler approach next time, and maybe you'll be one step closer to saving me from kidney stones.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: enjoying the baby steps

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So set yourself up outside and enjoy this week's good things in the sun!

1. Song of the week: On Top Of The World by Imagine Dragons Imagine Dragons - On Top Of The World (Official M…:. Another gem from the Walter Mitty soundtrack: completely uplifting, perfect for sunny days and springtime and a convertible, if you're lucky.

2. Witnessing other people's cute moments. While waiting at a red light on my way to work on Monday morning (running late, of course), I noticed the driver in front of me twisting around in his seat, making a really enthusiastic face and raising his hand. I thought he was waving at me... until I saw a tiny hand reach up from the backseat and high-five him. I smiled so big all the way to work , and I think that guy and his baby did too. - Clara

3. Peppermint tea. My go-to. When I'm tired, it perks me up; when I'm stressed, or if I'm wired at bedtime, it calms me down. It calms my stomach when I feel sick, and tastes delicious if I just want a cup of naturally non-caffeinated tea. - Clara

4. The Franklin Institute. Only 40-45 minutes away, the Franklin Institute has all kinds of awesome science exhibits, plus it's a beautiful facility. We went up yesterday with J's siblings to see the Pompeii exhibit (which was not as good as the Titanic exhibit last year, but still cool) and got to spend some time checking out the other parts of the museum. My favorite part was Nat Geo's 50 best photos ever taken.

Plus, I got a 10% discount off membership, which is only $65 a year for me and a guest! I only have to go up once more this year to make it worthwhile. I'm excited to have an excuse to go up to Philly more often! - Clara


5. Finding out that you can get take out from a favorite restaurant. This weekend I wanted a Reuben super bad. A restaurant we frequent (Tavern on France) has a great one, but I didn't want to go out. I bet you see where this is going! Anyway, I was pretty happy to be eating a Reuben in the comfort of my own home. - Cassie

6. Melvie is learning so fast! She learned to sit, sleep through the night, and she finally will go for walks. For a while I was pretty sure we owned the only dog ever who refused to go for a walk. I think we're through that stage now! - Cassie

7. Packing books. Luke and I are finally almost moved out of the old place but have books and shelves left. We started packing them today. I really enjoy going through our book collection. There's so many I have yet to read, and I get excited. - Cassie

8. Engagements and pregnancies! Many of my friends are going through the next stage in their lives. I'm really enjoying chatting with all of them and hearing what their thoughts are and how excited they are. Happy times for good people! - Cassie

9. Tengo Ganas De Ti. My friend Marina has been talking about this movie for weeks, and we finally got together this week to watch it. It's a Spanish romantic drama, and we watched it with wine and without subtitles... I know I missed some of the dialogue, but it was still a great movie and I'm reminded that even with a language barrier, there are plenty of human experiences that are shared no matter where we come from. - Clara

10. Warm weather! After the winter we've had, I can't take sunshine and warmth for granted. Today it's forecast to be 82 degrees and sunny, so J and I took our porch chairs out back and spent most of the morning in the sun. I am the happiest girl right now, and I'm looking forward to sprucing up our backyard so we can have a rip-roaring summer! - Clara


* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

meeting people

I just read a post this week called "10 things that happen in the first year after college". From where I'm sitting, these 10 things don't seem revolutionary, or even 100% true... But I suspect that if I had read it in my first year after college I would have felt passionately that I had found a kindred spirit. They are, for the most part, very reminiscent of being a very recent graduate. Take #3: Meeting new people becomes way more difficult.

Look back to my first year of posts. It was a struggle. I was nearly convinced that every 20-something in the state was holed up somewhere, hiding from me.

I thought about starting an online dating profile, but I decided to try my hand offline first. At first I would catch rides with my family members when they had to go out somewhere, and sit at a bar with a book for an hour or two.

That didn't work too well, as far as meeting anyone, but it did get me out of the house...

Until I got two jobs almost simultaneously, so I met two sets of new coworkers, plus the regulars at the restaurant where I hostessed. It turns out working at a restaurant (or a coffee shop, as J and my sister can both testify) is a great way to meet people. I met quite a few interesting people while waiting tables in St. Croix Falls, plus my coworkers there, and a few suppliers of local produce (although those meetings were cemented when we met in other places, like at the Saturday farm market or the local watering hole). You go through crazy rushes with your coworkers and you have your regulars you get to know over time, and then you have random other people who might be just passing through but who you make an instant connection with and maybe become Facebook friends or start emailing back and forth. All of those things have happened to me and to people I know.

Picking up the story: for sanity's sake it is not a bad idea to have other friends outside of work. Which is what led me to Bishop's Cafe, which is where I met J. I was looking for a place I wanted to hang out, supposing I would meet other people who liked to hang out in the same place, because we had something in common. The rest is history.

While I was trying desperately to meet people, I also got a membership at the Y and started a borderline obsessive gym habit; went to church every week and became one of the youth leaders; hung out with my siblings a lot; invited neighbor families over for dinner; joined Meetup.com; went to networking events; looked up open mics and connected with local writers online; took frequent weekend trips to other cities to hang with college friends; hounded people I used to know who randomly ended up in the same area; and did some serious Facebook chatting with friends across the world.

If nothing had changed, I was getting ready to join the DSL (Delaware Sports League) and start volunteering. (Many of the things I tried were mentioned in an article I found today called "11 ways to make friends as an adult", plus one or two others that apply more to parents than young adults. The writer did mention, though, that the list could also be helpful to people moving into a new area.)

But then I got hooked up with the Delaware-Maryland Synod's young adult cohort, and went to an event where I met someone who ended up introducing me to a lot of the people I still hang out with to this day. And soon after that I started going out with J, and have met a lot of people in the process.


All this to say, it's not easy to meet people as an adult. I've been meaning to write this post literally for years, and it's funny that now is when I'm writing it, when I'm finally starting to feel secure in my local friend group.

Which brings me to another point: meeting people and cementing relationships are two totally different cans of worms. I've had to remind myself, over and over again, how long it took me to solidify friendships in college, and back even to high school and middle school. It's taken me this long, after a minor breakdown at a wedding in December, about the loss of the weird St. Olaf community, to feel like I have serious ties in this state. Even though I've known the people in my circle over two years at this point. And these friendships are different than the ones I made in college. The history is different, the context is different, the things we do together and the way we approach spending time together is different.


How do you meet new people, readers? How did you meet the people you spend the most time with now? And do you have any particularly excellent "how I met this person" stories?

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: when the world is new

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So settle in and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Ain't It Fun by Paramore. J has been singing this song all week, and it's a pretty feel-good jam if you ask me. Also, it seems relevant to the theme of the blog: "Ain't it fun / Living in the real world..."

2. Yoga and craft beer at the Queen. Now that the weather is warming up everyone feels like doing stuff and making plans. I found an event at a local venue that includes one hour of pretty serious yoga, plus beer, wine, and snacks afterward... All for $15. All good things! - Clara

3. Roomie game night. On Friday night the three of us got together with a couple of guests, pizza and drinks, and played Bananagrams and Cards Against Humanity. It was a nice, low-key but fun way to spend a Friday night. - Clara

4. The Blue Parrot. My roommate and I have been trying to go out for dinner for weeks now, if not longer... Finally this week we made it out to the local cajun restaurant, where they make some of the best drinks I've ever had out, and also delicious New Orleans-style cuisine. Great food, great drinks, and great company? Can't go wrong. - Clara

5. Day trips to the beach. This is a major perk of living in Delaware: J and I drove down to the beach on Saturday for the day, and walked around barefoot in the sand for awhile... We also visited the Indian River Life-Saving Station Museum, which I thought was interesting (and only $4 admission), and the eternal favorite Dogfish Head brewpub. I tasted their Jin gin for the first time and it was life-changing. Overall it was the most centering, contented days I've had in awhile. - Clara

6. Homemade ravioli. This recipe took us literally over three hours to make, and since we don't own a rolling pin we used wine bottles to roll out the pasta... but it turned out delicious: spinach mushroom ravioli. So cheesy, and there is always something satisfying about eating something you made totally from scratch. Plus, it used up everything we had left in our CSA from last week: fresh spinach, mushrooms, and chives. - Clara


7. New puppy! Luke and I got a new puppy a week ago. Her name is Melville, and she's a Bernese Mountain Dog. She's a little scamp right now and likes to munch on everything. But I love her already and wish I could quit my job to spend all my time with her. This also leads into my next good thing:

8. Puppies bringing people together. I have met so many people this past week that I would have never met if I didn't have Melvie. People love coming up to me to ask about her, pet her, and get a puppy fix. I can't blame them since she's adorable! It's nice to meet so many people with smiling faces all due to my little Melvie. - Cassie


9. New apartment. As if getting a puppy wasn't enough to do this week I also moved! I live in the same neighborhood as before, but live in a way nicer place (example: we have full size appliances in this place. Our old place had an oven that could barely fit a sheet pan the long way). Moving was stressful, but now that we're settling in I can tell we'll be way happier here. - Cassie

10. April snow storms that melt the next day. This past week Minneapolis had a large snow storm. Everyone was crabby about it, but I enjoyed it! It was really warm the next day and melted right away. There's nothing like a late winter snow storm to make me enjoy springtime even more :) - Cassie

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Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

the ideal "first question"

Last weekend I went to a party for a friend in Baltimore, where I had met a few people before but didn't know many of them well. It was an interestingly informal venue to get to know new people, but I have to admit I find small talk exhausting.

A few weeks ago I was talking to some friends about the differences between the Midwest and the East Coast, particularly the Mid-Atlantic. One of them recounted the story of a female friend from Virginia who married a Minnesotan guy. She said when they meet new people in the D.C. area, they ask what she does for work; in the Midwest, they ask if she is married.

It's an interesting contrast, one that highlights some stereotypical cultural differences between the two regions. I know there are other contextual factors that influence what "first question" you ask, like the fact that her main contact in the Midwest is more likely family or church people, while in D.C. they are more likely professionals or peers. The question can also be influenced by age differences, whether you are meeting in a big city or a small town or on a college campus, whether you are in a corporate office building or a yoga studio or on a plane... And some contexts, and the questions that come with them, are more conducive to actually getting to know someone on a deeper level.

Ideally, we agreed, neither of those orginial questions is one we would actually LIKE to form a first impression about us. But what else is there? If we could choose any first question to ask or be asked when meeting someone new, what would it be?


One of my friends said, "I always like the Marry/Kiss/Kill with chocolate, bacon, and sweet potato fries." (For those unfamiliar with the game, you have to choose which of the three options you would prefer to spend your life with; which you would like to have a sordid moment with, but not a long-term relationship; and which you would give up forever, if you had to choose one.)

Before I could ask what someone's answers to that question would tell us, we of course got caught up in our own answers, and how they have changed over time, and what that says about our lives.

So maybe the question serves its purpose.

I remember meeting the boyfriend of a friend, back when he was new. She got up to go the restroom, leaving him alone with us. "So," he said, with a conspiratorial grin, "any burning questions you want to ask me while she's gone?"

"Not really," I replied. "All the important stuff will come up in the course of normal conversation." I didn't say it, but my sense was that what we would find out about him would be truer, more honest, if we let it come out with time.

But somebody has to ask something to get the conversation flowing. I tried to think of my ideal first question. What do I most want to know about people? What they are passionate about. What drives them. Their main goal in life.

But asking about those things up front puts a lot of pressure on the conversation. It's likely to either cause the questionee to clam up, or spew a packaged answer. Any deep and lasting relationship has to balance a sense of mutual ease and comfort with an open table for all kinds of discussions, serious or not.

So I'm a little stuck. I guess if I had to choose betwween "What do you do?" and "Are you married?" I would choose the former, because it is more relevant to my actual personality, and it's more likely to lead into other, more interesting questions like, "What do you like about it?" "How did you get into that?" "Is this where you want to be long-term?" "And what do you do in your spare time?"


Actually, speaking of spare time, the best luck I've probably ever had with a first question is, "What are you reading?" Which could lead into what you like or dislike about the book at hand, whether you are reading it for fun or for school or for work or for a book club, and even your favorite book(s) of all time. That question has in recent history spurred interesting conversations with a woman sitting next to me on a plane; coworkers; my mechanic; and J, before we started dating! Books also contribute to a good chunk of the conversations I have with people I'm already close to.

The only problem is, that question only applies to someone who is currently reading, or has a book in their possession. It also is definitely not foolproof in the age of e-readers that could be tablets. (Another argument for actual glue-and-paper books, but that's a discussion for another day...)

I think I've made my choice anyway, readers: What are you reading?

But since I already know the answer (ha, ha), I'll leave you with this: what would be your ideal "first question"?

posted from Bloggeroid