all good things: food for the good life

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

Sometimes the list, and the good things on it, are tempered by tough times and difficult things that happen. What Cassie and I have found, time and time again, is that these difficult things often make us see or appreciate the good things more, and emphasize the deeply beautiful and important things we have.

We write the list every week, regardless of our circumstances, to remind ourselves of that. We write this list in hopes that it can remind you, our readers, when you need it most.



1. Song of the week: The Cave by Mumford and Sons. Last weekend at the Roadtrip talent show one of the guys sang this song and his voice was indistinguishable from the actual singer. Amazing. And then I randomly heard it again later in the week. It's a feel-good jam.

2. Spending time with family during tough times. It reminds us we are loved and not alone. - Cassie

3. Luke. Since my aunt passed away he's been so amazingly supportive and helpful. I'm a lucky lady. - Cassie

4. Good conversations. Last night we went to a co-ed baby shower and I got into a conversation with a cousin's girlfriend about Wilmington's social conditions and about making a difference and about how we end up in the places we end up. It was a really solid conversation with substance, and I always like meeting smart, interesting people with something to say. Plus, big family gatherings are not exactly my element; the one-on-ones are what I'm really into. - Clara

5. Book club. On Thursday my mom and I went to the first meeting of a new book club with some really great women. I think this is going to be a lot of fun. - Clara

6. Watching wedding movies, looking at bridal mags, and drinking girly drinks. Now that I'm engaged, even though I'm not actively planning anything, I'm enjoying at least being able to talk about planning. I had a girlfriend over on Friday night who is also taking a slow engagement, and we just got to be typical together and it was fun. - Clara

7. Once Upon A Time. Now that we have Netflix we have been getting into this show. I've always liked fantasy-reality fusion and this is no exception. - Clara

8. Puns. I just love them. Buzzfeed put out a list of puns this week that definitely made me laugh out loud, and that was just one example of punny hilarity this week. - Clara

9. Getting back in the pool. I got out of my swimming routine back in October when I got a perforated eardrum, and went back for the first time this week. I'm definitely out of practice, but it still feels good... And the regulars remembered me and asked where I'd been. It was like old times :) - Clara

10. Puppy Bowl. I love this. So cute. I just left a house full of dog-lovers who were all over this show, which just makes it better. The kitty halftime show leaves something to be desired, but it has potential too.

Mainly I love even these commercialized holidays because they bring people together to laugh and eat and drink and be merry. I got a lot of hugs today, and ate so much good food. Talk about all good things!

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Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: keys to happiness

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week.

Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: Let Her Go by Passenger. This is the song that has been stuck in my head all week long... probably because it's playing on the radio almost every time I turn it on. After song of the week, I officially name it overplayed.

2. The Princess Bride. My local Regal Cinema is playing classic movies on Sundays and Wednesdays this winter, and last night it was Princess Bride which is one of my all-time favorite movies and the first thing J and I really connected on when he was still just Coffeeshopcrush. So of course we went to see it for date night and it was really cool to see it on the big screen, surrounded by middle-aged couples who were quoting the movie and laughing hysterically the whole time.

3. New shoes. I signed up for the Spartan Sprint again this year, and I thought a new pair of running shoes would be a good way to kick off six months of training. I got some New Balance trail running shoes and took them for a spin around the neighborhood this afternoon. They are awesome.

4. Opus No. 1 by Tim Carleton and Darrick Deel. I turned on NPR this afternoon on the way back from DSW, and This American Life was on with a story about tracking down a song somebody had stuck in his head endlessly. The song ended up being some obscure hold music from Cisco, and it's super 80s and kind of haunting. I put it on repeat while I ran this afternoon and it has a nice feet-on-the-pavement beat to it... With plenty of synth over top.

5. This article from Slate about the "Do What You Love; Love What You Do" mantra. I rarely read an article and find myself or my perspectives immediately changed. But this article made me think, and while I'm not making any rash decisions about my professional life I suspect I will find myself approaching work, and the way I talk about it, differently.

6. Getting back on the horse. My workout routine came this close to extinction through the end of last year, but this week I went to three classes and ran a couple of times. It feels good to get moving again.

7. We got WiFi! Our friends and family have been very concerned about our lack of internet and cable, particularly since we moved. To be honest, I have really enjoyed not having it; but it does make a lot of things hard, and it makes our house less of a draw for friends to come and hang out. So now we have it, and it's been awesome. Now I just have to work on not letting it take over my life...

8. Cleaning. We're mostly moved in to the new place, but there are of course a few things still out of place. So today I did a bunch of actual cleaning, to make way for organizing and nesting that needed to be done. It's not quite finished yet, but I'm really satisfied with the progress I've made.

9. The New Castle Farmers' Market. This place is a local legend in New Castle County where I live, but I have only ever been there on Sundays 'til now, which means the Amish section has always been closed. This time we went on Saturday, and got some great stuff. This includes a couple of delicious New York strip steaks that J then cooked on the charcoal grill that came with our new house. Yummm.

10. Surprising conversations. I went to church this morning, and had a few surprising and really fulfilling conversations with people. I laughed with two people I haven't laughed with before, and talked about happiness and shared perspectives I never expected to share.



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Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: people who make weeks beautiful

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: Knock Knock by Mac Miller. J&J (the twins) were stunning this song after we dropped off the Uhaul truck today and it got stuck in our heads. It's really catchy and the video is funny and actually kind of beautifully done.

2. Car wash. It was getting really sad how dirty my car was. I've been driving past the Greenhill Car Wash on my way home from work for over a year now, but haven't got up the guts (or the $8) to try it out. Finally yesterday on my way home from work I decided I couldn't put it off any longer... And it was kind of relaxing, actually, sitting inside my car, hands off the wheel, foot off the brake, surrounded by gigantic soapy brushes. And now my car is so clean!

3. Bokwa. My roommate and I tried out this new dance fitness class at the Y on Saturday. It has a series of steps in the shapes of different letters, and a lot of room for personalization. Plus, I couldn't help smiling by the end of class. I will be trying that again.

4. Having friends you can laugh with. This one pretty much speaks for itself. To me, this is a sign of good solid friendships.

5. Humidifier. We started running the humidifier in our room while we sleep and every since I've been breathing much better. Coincidence? I think not!

6. Emails from my grandparents. They live in California and we're not in super close touch... But whenever they email me it's always good, and makes new really happy. This week it was a birthday email which is double good.

7. Eating when you're super hungry and tired. You know the feeling. Yummm. Plus, a few people made food for us this week so we don't have to worry about cooking when all our kitchen supplies are boxed up somewhere.

8. Clean sheets. I probably enjoy this a lot less often than I should, but maybe that makes it all the more satisfying...?

9. J. and I had to go get the flu and Tdap shots this week so we could kiss the baby, and if course it cost almost $100 for each of us to get both shots. J. doesn't have insurance and mine only covers Walgreens in South Dakota and Wisconsin for some reason, so the pharma tech went to great lengths to find us a discount or make my insurance cover some of it. We ended up getting a few dollars off, and especially right now while we're moving every little bit counts. It just meant a lot for a person to make such an effort to help somebody else, even someone he had never seen before and may never see again.


10. Feeling at home. Today my two roommates and I had a bunch of friends over and moved all our stuff (almost) to a new house in a new neighborhood. And already I feel more comfortable and happy here. :)

We had a good crew of helpers today, which made the whole project that much easier and more bearable.

Thanks everyone for making this week beautiful!


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Thanks for joining us this Sunday night! Stick with the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for updates on new posts and other stuff about new adulthood. Come back next Sunday night for a reminder of 10 good things that haven't happened yet, and on Wednesday night for a more in-depth reflection on post-grad life. Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile.

posted from Bloggeroid

7 ways to get ahead of the sad

The days are getting shorter, colder, and darker, and maybe that explains why the other day I caught myself in a semi-perpetual state of irritation. This happens every year and I like to think that every year I get better at coping. A list of ways to get ahead of the SAD season seems like an appropriate post for today.

1. Cry intentionally about things that don't matter. This may sound counterintuitive, but hear me out. The other day I sat down to finish The Five People You Meet In Heaven (destined to have some sad parts in it) and ended up crying pretty much straight through the last two chapters. It was beautiful. And I felt so much better afterward! Lighter. Of course, it helped that the message of the book was not a depressing one. It was about love and human connection. Which is something worth crying about, if you ask me.

2. Find something to smile about. I don't mean just smile, but think of something that legitimately makes you happy. There is an urban legend that simply smiling is a mood booster, but I recently read a study showing that smiling for a reason is much more effective at bringing you closer to true happiness. Besides, we've all seen Peter Pan, right?

3. Indulge your guilty pleasures - just a little bit. This could be anything: romance novels, Miley Cyrus, chocolate... Enjoy something you really enjoy, guilt-free. Not to the point that it makes you feel gross, but just enough now and then to make you smile.

4. Exercise. This is a pretty common one, but I can't stress enough how much it actually does help. Get into a routine. Find a class that makes you feel good. Of course I recommend BodyCombat, if you find yourself often frustrated; or Zumba - "ditch the workout and party!" Set goals for yourself, especially if they're small, because achieving something always makes you feel good. And once you add in the natural endorphins and carving out time to do something you like, that's a triple boost.

5. Get out your slippers! They'd better be soft! Line up your fuzzy slippers, robe, hoodie, flannel and fleece! (I should have added Snuggies to the guilty pleasures list!) Get out your warm things. Wear whatever make you feel cozy, fabrics you like to feel next to your skin. Get out your baby blankets and Grandma afghans and gigantic comforters and fleece throws. You can't let your body be cold if you want to keep your mind and your heart warm.

6. Take alone time. Don't let yourself be afraid of being by yourself. You need to have time to breathe. That being said, fresh air doesn't hurt either. Take a solo stroll, or a drive, maybe. I went grocery shopping by myself the other day and it felt ridiculously liberating. Read a book. Have a cup of tea. Write letters. Plug in your headphones on the treadmill. Or just take a nap. But set a timer; don't let yourself get into that place where the sun goes down and suddenly you look around and realize you're all by your lonesome. It starts to feel real dark right about then.

And that brings me to...

7. Make dates. Make sure you look somebody in the eye, give a hug, exchange pleasantries or have a good conversation, at least once a day. Make plans to visit someone who lives a little father away. We need human connections to get by, and making dates gives you something to look forward to. I guess I should also add that it's crucial to be around people who lift you up, make you laugh, make you feel good about yourself and about the world. No room for Debbie Downers and Negative Nancys and Pessimistic Pollys this time of year. Pollyannas might not be the best thing either, actually. The best thing is someone who knows you and accepts all your sides, dark and light, and understands your world.

It takes a lot of effort for me to stay positive year-round, and I know I'm not the only one. I get scared and anxious and I get scared and anxious about being scared and anxious. But I'm figuring out what I can do to make it better, smoother, no matter what month it is, no matter how many hours of daylight turn my face to the sky.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: i should be over all the butterflies

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: I'm Into You by Paramore. Great. Power frontwoman. Mushy: I should be over all the butterflies... but after all this time / I'm still / into you.

2. Monday morning Power Yoga. When I was sick last week I found out that I have a perforated ear drum, which means no swimming until it heals, or until we decide it's not going to heal and I just have to resign myself to ear plugs for the rest of my life. Anyway, that means a new Monday morning routine at least temporarily. This week started with a new class at the Y closer to my house, so I went to class and then made breakfast at home before trucking off to work. Plus, the room was so warm it was almost like hot yoga. Sweet. (Sweat...)

3. Chili. J.'s project for his day off this week was to make chili. I came home to a house smelling like peppers and beans, and a week's worth of lunches and dinners. Delicious. Plus, it's been perfect chili weather lately.

4. WDSD 94.7 - Delaware's Country Station. I've been searching for "the right" country station since I moved to Wilmington over 2 years ago, and finally found it. You may not like country; but I do, because there is a lot of humanity in it. I used to say in college, "I want to be loved like a country song" because it's all in the details. It's all about the eyes and the moonlight... You know what I'm saying.

5. Football Sundays. Our regular Sunday routine got a twist this week; instead of the usual family dinner we headed over to watch football, drink beer, play video games, eat pizza and wings with some friends. It is a great way to finish off the weekend. Great company definitely doesn't hurt either.

6. Rolling with the punches. Last night we left the house planning on a hayride and bonfire... But right as we got on the wagon the wind picked up and the rain started slicing sideways, so we rescheduled and a few of us headed to a local bar for fall beers and french fries. Not a bad replacement, if you ask me.

7. Staying in touch. This week I finally got around to writing some letters and Facebook messages to old friends, and so far I've had some really heartwarming responses. I'm hoping to be able to spend some time this week getting back to them. That is something definitely worth my time.

8. New sneakers. I bought my last pair of running shoes just after Christmas, and they have carried me through at least four 5k races and a Spartan, plus the training for those races and my regular gym schedule. It was definitely time for a new pair. Can't wait to break them in!

9. Co-host Cassie is on her honeymoon in England right now! After the mind-meltingly beautiful wedding, the bride and groom are traveling through the UK with a decidedly literary focus. Luke has appeared in recent photos with busts of Virginia Woolf -- classic for book buffs.

10. Fall weather. October is finally starting to act in character, with cooler mornings, sometimes cold rain all day and sometimes perfect golden slanting sunshine... Either way, I'm ready for it. It makes pumpkin-flavored things and sweaters feel a lot more appropriate.

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Thanks for joining us this Sunday night! Stick with me on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for updates on new posts and other stuff about new adulthood. Come back next Sunday night for a reminder of 10 good things that haven't happened yet, and on Wednesday night for a more in-depth reflection on post-grad life. Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: flying high

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: Don't Stop Believing by Journey. This is an All Good Things classic, and tops the list today in honor of Cassie and Luke, who played the song at the reception AND danced to it, even though he hates both Journey and dancing, because he loves Cassie and Cassie loves him. (I started yelling as much when he chose the song, and was pointedly ignored, but the romance of this situation is not lost on me.)

(Also, I have to share with you all that I somehow managed to write the name of the song as Don'tCassieBelieving, which strikes me as important for some reason...)

Also, most importantly, never stop believing.

2. Being part of the pool crew at the Y. I have kept up swimming since it made #11 on my list of "things I want to do in life" back in June of last year. The regulars, mostly in their 50s and 60s, have started to recognize me and this week I got into a discussion with some of them about getting old, staying in shape throughout life, staying healthy and disciplined. They are so encouraging to me, even if they are good-naturedly self-deprecating about themselves, and I always tell them, "If I can be as active as you are, I'll be happy!" Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin'...

3.Conduct Us. This week from Improv Everywhere, a Carnegie Hall orchestra plays for a motley crew of amateur conductors. "Causing scenes of chaos and joy," indeed!

4. The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. I had to wait a couple of weeks to get this book from the library, and I started reading it on the way to Minnesota on Friday. I have to tell you, it is PHENOMENAL. I blazed through almost 250 pages of it on my four-hour travels, cried on every plane, in every airport, about every other chapter. A sad, but beautiful, true book. The love in this book is just the most profound, real love of almost any book I've ever read. Also, I didn't realize initially but it's written by John Green the YouTube sensation. A multi talented man.

5. Reunions! Over the past three days, I have got to reunite with my sister, more college classmates and friends than I can count on both my hands, not to mention almost all of my inner circle. Pretty amazing, and so good to catch up and just be with these people. I do know a lot of very loving and generous people, who put me up and welcomed me smiling with huge lingering hugs, shared drinks and food and shampoo. Plus, it is good and interesting to remember parts of myself that don't get a lot of airtime in my new life and my new home in Delaware. Maybe I'll bring some of them back with me, or maybe I'll just visit them every now and then.

6. ...and making new friends too! I met a ridiculous number of new friends this weekend, starting with Cayenne the dog. Other new people I met included Emily, Jose, Francesca, Jordan, Kaitlyn, Emily, Kristy, Mitch (who, it turns out, is from Delaware originally), Ginny (who I have been hearing about since freshman year) and Matt, a few St. Olaf classmates I had not officially met or spoken to before, Tim and Megan, Neil and Jill, Brent, and Henrietta the cat. I was particularly and pleasantly surprised at how quickly I felt some solid rapport with so many of these people (and animals -- especially Cayenne) and that I was legitimately sad to be leaving them with no guarantee that we will meet again.

7. The Forster-Brotens! (Known to fans, readers, and former listeners as Cassie and Luke!) I am giddy, ecstatic, smitten, proud and honored about this latest union. And I think they are probably even happier than I am.

8. The wedding itself.I have desperately tried to avoid making this entire list wedding-related, so it can be more accessible, but I think the happy couple deserves more than one number this week. Some highlights: hanging out and goofing off with the girls while helping Cassie get ready; the look on dad's face when he saw the bride in her wedding dress for the first time (we all lost it at that point); Cassie's old stuffed puppy dressed in his wedding best: dress pants, a tailored collared shirt and vest; said stuffed puppy hanging out with Grandpa all night (the handsomest men in attendance); a beautiful ceremony in the Rose Garden, short and sweet and unassuming and intentional; the bride and groom's running commentary through dinner; dancing with wild abandon; and of course our reason for gathering trumps all.

9. Uplifting flight crew speeches. Lead flight attendant of my first return flight today gave a parting speech highlighting achievements of fellow passengers, and finished it off by telling us to be kind to one another, treat each other well, and take care of ourselves.

10. Coming home again. No matter how good the trip is or how I'm feeling about my home itself, there's nothing like a homecoming.

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Thanks for joining us this week. I hope it made your Sunday night! Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga, tune in on Wednesday for reflections on new adulthood, and come back next Sunday night for the good things that are going to happen soon! Until then, be kind to each other, and treat yourself well.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: on the run

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: I Could Get Used To This by Treva Blomquist. This song came up on my Eva Cassidy Pandora station this week and gave me pause.

2. Ed Sheeran. I have liked this guy for awhile, but after seeing him live on Wednesday night I am so impressed. He's a great musician with a great stage personality. It was just him on stage and he built his songs with a looper, to this huge climax and gets the whole crowd involved... Phenomenal. Also a lot of his lyrics are really jaw-dropping.

3. The Wilmington Polish Festival. The latest on Wilmington's arts, food and culture scene, down on the Riverfront. Pierogies, kielbasa, Polish beer... Jelly donuts and chrusciki and golubki. Yum!

4. Brandywine Park. My roommate and I finished the week with a run through Brandywine Park on Friday evening, right before it got dark. The path winds along, over and around the river, surrounded by trees and old bridges and other stone structures. And with the sunset, gorgeous and peaceful.

5. The annual LCS 5k for Hunger. This is one of the first activities I did after moving to Wilmington, and every year it is one of the things I look forward to most. It's a walk/run sponsored by Lutheran Community Services, and the proceeds go to feeding the hungry. The weather is generally the kind of beautiful you almost can't believe, it's at Rockford Park which I love, and this year we raised $44,000-something for the cause! Plus, everyone has the most positive attitude. I really do love Lutherans...

6. Avocado and fried egg on rice. I've been trying to keep a few servings of cooked brown rice in the fridge lately, for emergencies, since it takes 45 minutes to cook it... Picked up a few delicious avocados last week at Trader Joe's, which is fortunate since one of my favorite quick-and-easy lunches/dinners is rice, with a tiny bit of almond milk or olive oil poured over top, a runny fried egg slapped on top and avocado slices all around. Grind some salt and pepper on top and you have one of the simplest, most satisfying meals that I eat these days.

7. Apple picking. We went apple picking yesterday, with our fams. The apples this week were golden delicious, red delicious, and jonagolds which are divine. The weather was lovely, and it started raining right when it was time to leave. (The orchard closed at 5:00 and it started raining at 5:10. Can't get timing much more perfect than that!) Apple picking is always a fun activity, and when you finish it off with fresh cider donuts it can't be beat!

8. Birthdays. Lots of September birthdays: two of J.'s uncles, his sister, his dad and a couple of his dad's friends; both of my parents; plus a bunch of other people. Makes for a lot of parties, and a number of mass parties which are an even bigger event.

9. Coffee table photo books. I discovered one of those big heavy hardcover photo books at J.'s parents' house today called Wilmington: On the Move. I don't know why it's called that, but it has a lot of lovely full-color spreads from all over the area, with mini history and culture lessons to accompany them.

10. International Day of Peace. Yesterday was World Gratitude Day and also the International Day of Peace. If you ask me, peace is something we could use a heck of a lot more of these days. Maybe I'll celebrate Peace Day all the time, even when it's not September 21.

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Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.facebook.com/theBabyStepsSaga! New posts show up there first, plus other articles about post-grad life, plus teasers and other important information. Thanks for reading! Tune in next Sunday for more All Good Things, and come back Wednesday for a guest blog from a friend who quit his job to "travel aimlessly" for awhile.

all good things: labor day edition

All Good Things is a weekly feature on the blog. It started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and her radio co-host Cassie. Sit back and enjoy!

1. Song of the week: Entertaining Angels by the Newsboys. This song was a standby back in my Christian rock days, but I got a hankering for it again yesterday after reading this in church: "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing this some have entertained angels without knowing it." (Hebrews 13:2.) The thought of entertaining angels just struck me immediately. And then my dad said in the sermon, "Angel means a messenger of God," and went on to talk about a beggar he met once who, he is certain, was an angel and had a message from God to deliver to my father in his time of need. We could be "entertaining angels" at any time, and I for one am always open to important messages from the universe.

2. Days off. Today, for example. Of course they never end up being free and empty as planned, but it's still a day not spent in an office chair and business casual. I hope to go back to work tomorrow feeling recharged, and the four-day week doesn't hurt either...

3. BodyFlow. Our favorite Thursday night Zumba teacher left the Y last week, giving us the kick we've been waiting for to try out new classes on Thursday nights. So this week, I went to BodyFlow, another class offering from Les Mills (creators of the well-loved BodyCombat as well as BodyVibe, BodyPump, BodyStep, BodyAttack, etc.) BodyFlow seems to be the most zen of all of these, and felt like a slightly more fitness-focused version of yoga, with some Pilates, tai chi, and dance influences. Upon leaving, I felt so centered but also as though I had definitely worked my muscles. Plus it's taught by one of my favorite instructors, who kicks ass in Combat and is a zen master in Flow.

4. NJ 40. J. and I drove up to Atlantic City yesterday for his sister's birthday, and instead of taking the interstate we (half-intentionally, half-accidentally) ended up on highway 40 through rural New Jersey. I love this road. It's the same road we took to get to the drive-in movie theater for his birthday last year, and the road itself says America as much as a drive-in movie itself. The road is lined with farm stands, diners, old cemeteries, small-town main streets, yards full of old-school trucks and cars, gorgeous farmland and ponds and bridges. Not a strip mall in sight until we hopped over to the Atlantic City Expressway.

5. Phone dates with old friends. I have an old friend who graduated a year ahead of me at St. Olaf, who calls me a couple of times a year since he left The Hill. It's easily been a year since the last time we talked, but he finally got me on the phone on Friday afternoon and we always hang up feeling like we covered important ground. Because we did.

6. Atlantic City. This can't not make the list this week. I have wanted to visit AC since I saw Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken when I was 4 or 5 years old. And finally made it. J. and I just drove up and had dinner with friends in the main floor of Harrah's casino. I will admit that I was skeptical at first, of all the scantily clad women and rich, unhappy people I expected to see, and did -- but I was pleasantly surprised to see among them people of all stripes, from the most average to the most extreme on every spectrum. And, more importantly, the people we were with were so much fun.

7. R.I.P.D. OK, not a phenomenal specimen of the film industry. But thoroughly enjoyable. It reminds me a little of Ghostbusters, with a hint of those Indiana Jones spoof movies with a nerdy sleuth protagonist (i.e. The Librarian) and goofy cop flicks. The perfect thing to zone out to on a tired Saturday night.

8. Beermosas. The last of the summer beers are sitting in prime sales locations these days, so the liquor stores can clear out their stock and make way for the pumpkin ales and Oktoberfests. (Speaking of pumpkin ales, Southern Tier's famously delicious Pumking is out and the cases cost $100 at Frank's Wine, around the corner from us. Crazy... But so good!)

Anyway, among the late-blooming summer beers is a Yards limited edition saison, which is light and dry and a little hoppy-spicy, and tastes delicious in a 50-50 ratio with orange juice. Voila! The beermosa.

9. The dog next door. His name is King and he is the king of great. He is a mutt but he has beautiful long red hair and shiny eyes that will melt your heart. The neighbor says he recognizes our cars and he always gets to his feet and starts grinning when he sees us coming. "Gotta pay the toll!" his master always says when we stop to pet him before unlocking the front door.

10. Family. As we speak Jason is helping his cousin dig out the drains of the pool she is filling in. First of all, it has been great having a pool to hang out in, especially on the Fourth of July. But it's also great to have people you can call in a hurry to help you dig out your pool drains. It's also been great hanging with my sibs before the two middle ones go back to college tomorrow for fall semester. And of course the baby. And having double dinner invitations tonight... Also, our great group in Atlantic City was made up mostly of siblings, and of the kind of friends who become family after so long.

And without these kinds of people, the ones you're blood related to and the ones you've just decided are about as good as blood-related, well... what's the point?

* * * * * * *
Like second set of baby steps on Facebook at www.facebook.com/theBabyStepsSaga! New posts show up there first, plus other articles about post-grad life, plus teasers and other important information. Thanks for reading! Tune in next Sunday for more All Good Things, and come back Wednesday for my latest reflections on being a "new adult."

all good things: right in the feel-goods

1. Song of the week: Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke. I had a Moment with this song on Saturday, when we walked into a bar and wove across a dance floor where every person was smiling giddy and singing along, word for word. Reason to love pop culture: it creates kinship in strange and beautiful ways such as this.

2. The Electric Run. My roommate and I went up to Philly on Saturday for the Electric Run, which was eventually called off because of lightning (talk about electric). I think our time was pretty good, but more importantly we got there in time to finish it without getting electrocuted. Also the lighting design of the run was really cool, the park was beautiful, and the whole thing was a lot of fun.

3. Reuniting with old friends, and making new ones. I joined the run on an old New York classmate's team - we used to live diagonally across the street from each other in Amsterdam, swam together in high school, and used to hang out all the time back in 5th grade. It was fun catching up. Plus, one of her college friends who also ran with us now lives in Newark, Delaware. So hopefully we can meet up in town down here in the near future. I also randomly saw a classmate from St. Olaf in the starting area... Small world.

4. The Delaware State Fair. J and I drove down to Harrington, Delaware, yesterday for the state fair! I love this kind of stuff. Fried food, sugary drinks and shaved ice, cute animals, plaid shirts, jeans, and cowboy boots... Highlights: picking up chicks (pictured), fried pickles, and a great display about environmental consciousness. I'm getting thermal curtains and changing all my lightbulbs to energy efficient ones. 

(On that note, there was an interesting story on NPR this morning about the energy efficiency of ceiling fans, which finished with a crack at hot air in the Capitol and is full of cheesy wordplay. Love it.)

5. Delaware Shakespeare Festival. A bunch of us went to see The Two Gentlemen of Verona on Wednesday night. Even though it was so hot we were dripping sweat just sitting on the lawn watching the show, the production was excellent as usual, plus Wawa sandwiches, wine, good company, and dogs from Faithful Friends! In the play!

6. Promised Land. J and I got this movie from RedBox on Friday night and watched it. It's a complicated film, but we both enjoyed it. More on that Wednesday (tune in!) Plus, John Krasinski is so cute.

7. Going to the zoo with friends. Luke and I went this afternoon to the zoo with some friends. Though seeing some animals in captivity (gorillas) makes me sad, the zoo is a great place to learn about animals and share a fun experience with friends!

8. Eating dinner outside. It's one of my favorite summertime activities! There is something so nice about sharing a meal on someone's patio, deck, or at a restaurant's outdoor area. Also, I love driving around my neighborhood and getting the whiff of someone grilling.

9. Taking a walk in the rain. It was raining when I woke up this morning, and I decided to walk to the gym in the rain. It was so refreshing and soothing! Of course, the smell is lovely too.

10. At my job (legal advocate working with victims of domestic violence) I see women who have been in a relationship with abusive and just all-around not nice guys. This makes me value my relationship with Luke even more than I normally do. It's a nice reminder to not take things for granted.

in the face of adversity

Yesterday I saw this picture on Facebook:

I don't normally read the longer stories online, but I did read this one. I wanted to know whether I was a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean. Here's the story:

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that as one problem was solved, a new one arose. 

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She then pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The granddaughter then asked, "What does it mean, Grandmother?"

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity -- boiling water -- but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of your life. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you changed by your surroundings or do you bring life, flavor, to them?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Of course there is a clear ideal answer: you don't want to get all soft and slimy; you don't want your heart to get all tough and bitter; you want to change the flavor of that boiling hot water. (Actually, this analogy feels pretty apt right about now, in this 96-degree, 88% humidity heat, when the air itself feels like boiling water!)

I was hoping the story would present three different but equally constructive ways to deal with adversity, because I can't say that one way works best for all people, in all circumstances. I told the story to J last night and after I left the explanation hanging there was a long pause. "So... which one are you?" he asked. "Because you were just talking about how you keep a cool head through the whole crisis and then at the end of the day you come home and cry. Wouldn't that make you a carrot?" Of course I bristled slightly at this suggestion, but it says a lot.

First, about what he considers weakness and softness. Crying, to me, is a very valid and constructive coping mechanism as long as it doesn't get in the way of good conversation or moving on with my life in a more overall sense. He saw it, at least in my story, as breaking down.

But he also said, when I told him about how I tend to power through until I get a moment to myself, "You need to share that with me." And then corrected himself: "You know you can share that with me."

We agreed that the carrot-egg-coffee bean paradigm doesn't satisfactorily address the importance of community in dealing with the struggles life deals us. Any regular readers know how crucial of a role this recurring theme plays in the blog and in my life.

And overall, I maintain that the Coffee Bean Theory applies not as much to individual situations, like the "powering through a crisis and then breaking down" scenario, as it does to an overall attitude of dealing with struggle and pain. As the good Protestant girl I was brought up to be, I put a lot of faith into the idea that struggle builds character. Our trials and tribulations make us stronger and despite all the dysfunction this attitude has caused in our society I have drawn a lot of comfort from this dogma and have taken constructive life lessons from the adversities I have faced throughout my life.

 

Speaking of facing adversity, I finished the Spartan Race this weekend! We had to climb about 2 miles straight up a mountain, with sandbags to weigh us down and ropes to help us out at different points; and then we had to descend about 2 miles back down, through mud and water, under barbed wire, over walls and fire. Out of 23 obstacles we counted afterward there were only four I couldn't finish. I was left with a few relatively minor cuts and bruises, and some muscle soreness that hung around for a day or two after, but a high that lasted a full day after we got home, and pride in actually having finished the race!

The best part, though, was the community. (Here it comes...) There were people cheering us on the whole way, and of course there were some challenges I wouldn't have been able to complete without boosts from my teammates. And the coolest part about this race, as opposed to some others I have run, was the camraderie between other competitors, other "Spartans." We got to talk and laugh along the route, and help each other out, and support each other. We were sharing in this incredibly intense experience, both physically and mentally, and it gave us some common ground to stand on.

Some takeaways:

1. Believe you can do it. The biggest blocks were the mental ones, hands down. The times I had to forcefully squash my fear were the times I am most proud of in retrospect, and the times I wasn't able to do that were the times I failed to complete a particular challenge.
2. Appreciate your teammates. We got each other through in different ways, whether it was physical help overcoming an obstacle or just moral support. And then we got to eat and drink and reminisce about our proud accomplishments afterward.
3. Try everything. My goal was to finish the race without getting horribly injured. I had no idea what was coming around every turn, but I wanted to at least try every single thing they threw at me. Some of them I failed miserably at (the spear throw, for example). But at least I did try, and I got farther on some of them than I thought I would. And I know now what I have to do to prepare for next time.
4. Keep moving. I tried so hard not to lose momentum at any point throughout the race, because I knew that if I stopped for too long I would get tired and lose the energy that was really the only thing keeping me going. On the flip side of this, you have to take a break if you need it. But know when is break time and when it's time to power through. Otherwise you might find yourself suddenly wallowing in the doldrums. Not good.
5. When it's all over, eat, drink, and be merry. We got free beer after the race, and open-air spray-off showers. And then we went to a delicious restaurant to recharge our batteries and collect ourselves for the drive home. You have to check in with yourself and take care of your needs before you can expect great things.

Maybe it's just me, my 5-step plan, and that is my coffee bean and you like yours French roasted or snickerdoodle-flavored. (Maybe I can rescue this analogy by likening different coping mechanisms to different roasts and flavors of coffee beans...?)

In any case, if anything has become clear to me since I left St. Olaf it is that there is a lot of adversity in the world and in the day-to-day of our normal existence. There are many things that have made the news this week alone that make this painfully clear (the outcome of the Zimmerman trial, political corruption as usual, domestic violence cases and car accidents). I won't address any of them individually since this is already pretty long and I should be en route to the Delaware Shakespeare Festival in a minute or two, but I will say that it is almost entirely up to us how we handle the curveballs and the hardballs that come at us and I'm doing my best every damn day to make bitter coffee taste sweet.

What's your roast? Carrot, egg, or coffee bean?


***
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all good things: everything of champions

1. Song of the week: Ain't My Friend by Jessica Latshaw, Delaware native. She'll be performing on Market Street for Wilmington's Ladybug Music Festival on Thursday! Also, this video (particularly the smiling thug on the right side of the screen) makes me smile big time, over and over again.


2. I rediscovered The World’s Best Bartender on Wednesday night! He used to work at this creole place around the corner from my house and made a mindblowing mojito I haven’t stopped talking about since last year. I haven’t seen him since. But this week, J and I tried out this new restaurant up the road called Latin Fusion, and he was there tending bar, and he made me two excellent margaritas, and gave them to me at happy hour prices because I told him his mojito is legendary. We got to talk drinks for awhile (one of my favorite topics) and he really GETS it. I’m pumped.

3. Finished the Spartan race yesterday without getting injured! It was about 2 miles straight up a mountain, part of it with a 25-pound sandbag on my back; and about 2 miles back down, through mud and water, under barbed wire, over walls and fire. I did probably 100 burpees for the obstacles I didn't complete, but out of 23 obstacles there were only four I couldn't finish. I'm a little sore now, but it was SO much fun, and so satisfying!

4. The New City View Diner in Allentown, PA. On the way back from the race we were so hungry and tired so we stopped at this "creepy diner" that looked like a 1950s futuristic spaceship model, thinking we could at least get some gross greasy food. But it turns out it has the most extensive and varied menu of any place I have ever seen, and they have a sautee menu that comes with a glass of wine and a salad bar and soup, for between $12 and $18, and they have a full bar, and fresh baked goods made on premises every day, and it's open 24 hours a day! Plus the food was fast and delicious. And they have curly fries! I swear I have glimpsed heaven. 

5. Ginberry slushie. Remember the leftover gin bucket we put in the freezer after the Fourth of July? Well, last night we blended it with some fizzy water and drank it on the porch and it was the best.

6. Impromptu casseroles. Also last night at around 9:00 pm, J and I we realized after running around all over town that we hadn't eaten a real meal in awhile, so we just looked at what we had that was fast and mixed it together. What we ended up with was a veggie-and-whole-wheat rotini and shredded chicken casserole with melted mozzarella on top. Yum. And there's plenty left over for lunch today!

7. Cassie's birthday was last week! So Cassie and Luke drove down to Chicago for the weekend, to eat and see the sights! Sounds like a proper celebration to me.

8. She mentioned specifically Chez Moi, a "fun French bistro that was so good!" I told her I would add her items to the list, since she didn't have internet access yesterday.

9. Brunch at the Blue Parrot. Yesterday I woke up craving French toast, so we walked around the corner to the Blue Parrot. As usual, not disappointed. The French toast was some of the best I've ever ordered out, J's Blue Parrot breakfast had the perfect variety and the homefries were excellent, the coffee was strong and good, and the mimosas were only $3!

10. Delilah's favorite song. Someone called into the show the other night and asked Delilah to play her own favorite song... And she played You Gotta Be by Des'ree. Good choice, D. And a great way to start the week!

keep calm and dot dot dot

A couple of weeks go I read a blog post comparing blogs to different kinds of beer. At the time, I thought that baby steps was a stout; now, though, re-reading the post, I think it might actually be more of an IPA: Ales have flavor. Sometimes they’re so hoppy they make your face pucker. You feel them as much as you taste them. These are blogs that make you feel something, too. They have an opinion. They’re not shy. They have passion and a natural voice. They know who they are, and they take a stand. Sometimes they’re negative. Sometimes they’re personal. I think I'm OK with that description, even though the classification is a bit ironic seeing as I am not IPAs' biggest fan. My posts are always personal. I'm tackling the Heavy Seas on a regular basis -- imagine living in my head all the time!

I think the post might have missed some categories, though. Like my classmate Caroline's blog, which I would call light but by no means insubstantial. This blog is easy to "drink," but it still has its own distinct flavor. Every once in awhile you get a hit of something heavier, like homesickness or current events or spirituality, but it highlights the beautiful things in life. We all need a little of that.

This is why I publish All Good Things on Sunday nights now. I admit the weeks get a little heavy sometimes. This week, I've had stress nightmares and anxiety taking up residence in the pit of my stomach. Makes me extra glad I started BodyCombat -- I obviously can't tell you enough how it sends anxiety packing.

I'm also really excited that summer is kicking off hard lately. Two weekends ago, my parents took J and I up to New York to see Rock of Ages on Broadway. We unfortunately couldn't get tickets together, so we saw Mamma Mia! instead. Which did not disappoint.

Plus, Rock of Ages was coming to Philly the next weekend, so I decided that in this case I could have my cake and eat it too. Please note, this is generally the biggest problem in my life right now: trying to take advantage of too many things.

In this case, though, I couldn't have made a better decision. One of my coworkers lives in West Philly, and we were both trying to find someone to go with us to the show on Saturday, without success. So, unashamedly, we became backup friends for Rock of Ages at the Kimmel Center in Philadelphia, rushed tickets and ended up with front row seats for only $22, and had the time of our lives.

There are a lot of parts of this story that are important: being open and spontaneous, going with the flow, doing something simply because I so badly want it. Even the theme of Rock of Ages is follow your dreams.

Maybe this is what has for so long been compelling to me about the eighties and rock music and dancing. It is antiestablishment, personal, true and a little wild. It is about dreaming and going your own way. (Thanks, Fleetwood Mac!)

And it's just plain old fun.

J and his brother donated an old PS3 guitar to my brother's secondhand Rock Band last weekend. So on Monday, at the weekly dinner, my sister and I got decked out in badass hot pink purple sparkly makeup and rocked out.

I used to dress up all the time. I used to play a lot more. I guess I'm growing up, but there are some things I hope I never forget. I hope there is always something I want so badly it doesnt make sense. I hope I go out of my way for them. I hope I still try new things even if it's not comfortable. I hope I never lose the ability to get lost in dreams and music and dancing (and Shake Shack) for a few hours, and that the real world continues to accommodate magic when I return to it.

P.S. Yesterday, another coworker invited everyone to join him at happy hour at the mall, and in line with this whole post, I thought, sure! I'll finish my post by phone, later.

And here I am, 24 hours and change later, writing something I didn't know I was going to say, but probably really needed to.

getting social

So today I finally started the Conversation with Coffeeshopcrush.  I mean, after the customary enter-and-talk-small, and after he remembered that I like 2% milk, even though I haven't been by in over a week.  I said, "So I've got a question for you.  Where is your favorite place to drink beer?"  Get right down to the point, I say.

In the middle of the conversation I turned around and there was this small boy glaring up at me like an angry cartoon child, so unfortunately we should hurry it up.  But before I left he got out of me that I went to school in Minnesota, and he said, "You don't have an accent..."  I love when this is the first thing people say when I tell them I went to school in Minnesota.  I laughed.  "That's because I've tried to cover it up."

"It's not bad, though," he said.  "It sounds so wholesome!"

Wholesome.

I talked to Lisa on my birthday and she accused me of talking like an East Coaster, though, which I'm tickled about.  I will acknowledge the fact, for accuracy's sake, that she has been holding her breath for me to get my East Coast Twang back, so she might be rushing it a bit.  But I've started calling people "hon," which is what people do around here, so I may blend in yet.

Anyway, I got a scoop on places to go outside the college 'hood, which is also positive.

I also hit up my second Wilmington open mic last night, and got another scoop from a Wilmo native: "Have you been to the Valley?"

Now, I will just say that calling something "The _____" is a great way to get me interested.  It's just so beautifully mundane.  Doesn't "The Valley" usually refer to someplace in California?  I'm not sure, but there are valleys EVERYWHERE.  On the other hand, when I went to Maryland that one time I said, "I'm just surrounded by highways," and everyone there said, "Yeah, and it's just so flat."

The Valley in the Flatlands.  So intrigued.

It's on my list.  Sounds like a good place for a picnic.

I think I might have actually driven through there, and it's a part of Delaware that is so lush, with old winding roads and crumbling stone bridges.  He said earlier in the fall, when the sun still comes through and the leaves haven't dropped, is the best time to go.  "Just drive around back there for awhile and you'll see what I mean," he said.

This is exactly why I wanted so badly to find an open mic.  Because I went there, got myself a drink, and slid into an empty booth.  And after about 2 minutes, a couple of guys burst in the door and suddenly my booth was full of guys and coats and books and even a guitar.

It wasn't totally random, because we'd keyed into each other last time.  We liked each other's words.  This is one of my favorite ways to connect with people.  That creative circuitry is just so exhilarating.  And it makes me feel more grounded and comfortable with loving language when other people are twirling the shit out of it too.

There's something about poetry that opens up your soul to the other people in the room.  It's like, these people know what it means to love.  And what it means to suffer.  I remember reading this Kafka essay senior year of high school--I mean, let's be honest.  I don't remember reading that essay, but I remember this one line, at the bottom of some random page in the middle of all that depressing existential babble, that basically claimed that poets feel the world's suffering in an intensity far beyond the experiences of an average human being.  I think he meant "poets" in a loose sense, but I don't think he was that far off.  A lot of the poets I know are really intense people.

I realized suddenly, as though my pages slapped me in the face, that I have mostly performed old pieces.  And the more time goes by, the older they get.  I haven't written a lot of new stuff in years, nothing worth performing, anyway.  What I have written can mostly be found on scrap message paper, kitchen slips, paper bags, and napkins, and they're all clipped together next to my bed and none of them are finished.

I feel like I'm on the verge of decoding a new Rosetta stone, except this one is a message sent from my future self that I have to crack.  Like all of these little snippets of poetry will somehow, not literally, but conceptually get taped together into the True Revelations Of My Life As It Is Now.  Which is definitely different than it was in 2008, when I wrote Confessions.  I'm not trying to be condescending to the earlier versions of myself, but there is at least one new layer to me now.  Probably a few new layers, considering everything that has happened since I was cranking out all kinds of cadenced masterpieces with widespread appeal.  I'll get there eventually, I guess.  Until then, I've got a new genre to work through.  So enjoy, my lucky readers ;)

So, in reverse, that was Thursday, Wednesday...  Tuesday I went to the Y with my mom and we just chilled in our own little elliptical worlds for awhile.  As Mutti said on our way out, "There was a lot of testosterone flying around in that room tonight."  True.  I was kind of loving it, to be honest.  But there was this one kind of small guy bouncing around looking really chipper, with those South American laugh lines I find so comforting.  All those guys in the free weights area always look so stiff and serious, but this guy was almost dancing.  He walked in front of me, caught my eye, and smiled.  Such an easy, open smile.  Unassuming.

He was lifting next to the paper towel dispenser when I finished, so I threw caution to the wind and said, "You have a really nice smile."  He flashed it again, looking delighted.  Then he casually lingered while I put my rainboots back on, cleared his throat, "You also have a... beautiful smile."  And then he pulled out my favorite line: "Do you come here often?"  Except it was a legitimate question.  The best.  Really.  His name is Daniel, and that's the story of my first non-staff introduction at the Y.

cusp

So The sun enters the fiery realm of Sagittarius.

This part of the solar journey brings the longest nights of the year,

nights filled with festivity and exploration, new friendships, travel, reading,

study and passionate work toward the goals we believe

will help ourselves and our loved ones prosper.

- Horoscopes by Holiday

How fitting. Just so you're all aware, we are now officially under my sign. (I refuse to acknowledge the apparent horoscopic glitch about all the signs being off by however many months; I was, am, and always will be a Sagg at heart.) So, please celebrate. How could you not, with "nights filled with festivity and exploration" and all that?! I think I'm finally ready for this. Let's hope I haven't missed my chance with Coffeeshopcrush. He seemed less receptive to my halfassed non-advances today.

Either way, he'll have to wait until next week, because I'm tired and cranky already just thinking about 2 days of holiday hostessing...

On the plus side, my new mattress is being delivered tomorrow, and I was just reading "The Entrepreneur's Guide to a Good Night's Sleep." Not that it said anything new, but it just struck me as particularly profound today. Maybe because I somehow managed to trick myself into napping last night, and I feel a little better overall ever since.

I also finally got through my Box of Papers to Sort and Process, and at the very bottom I found two brochures from St. Olaf's Counseling Center, one titled Loneliness and one titled Addictive Relationships. I picked them up at the mental health fair in the spring, stuffed them in the bottom of the box and completely forgot about them until right now--which is pretty ironic considering I probably set them aside with this transition in mind. This is the first time in awhile that I look at these brochures and think, "Maybe someone I know will need these" instead of "I wonder if there's anything in here I don't already know."

To summarize, in case someone I know DOES need these, the loneliness brochure basically says, "Use this time to figure out and enjoy yourself." Check. And the addictive relationships brochure says, "If you know you're in a relationship that's bad for you but you're convincing yourself to stay in it, find a support group and work your way out." Also check. Awesome.

I interrupted the writing of this episode in my life to go to Zumba, speaking of enjoying myself. An hour of busting moves really gets those endorphins going, and driving through a blinding rainstorm to get to the move-busting is almost as inspiring.

By 8pm, the torrential downpour had subsided to a drizzle like a gazillion dancing ladybugs--NOT Asian beetle bites. The kind of drizzle that makes you feel like you're stuck in the movie Push, or maybe American Beauty. I drove to pick up Asha with the window open and Lady Antebellum blaring on the radio.

This is why I moved home. To pick up my sisters when my parents can't, because the conversations I had with my mom when she chauffeured me around in high school were the ones that solidified our relationship.

I tried to listen more than talk. But I realized, my big sister never gave me any love or life advice (probably because I don't have a big sister). I blundered through all that on my own, and figured everything out in hindsight, since I'm always too immersed in the present moment to lift my head and check out the scene. She looked at me as I talked and said, "I never knew of any boyfriend you ever had, but now I realize you dated like 20 guys." Yeah, ok, great. But now I have something to share.

If I could give one piece of advice to everyone I ever meet, it would be this: Forget what you "should" feel in a certain situation or relationship, and spend your time figuring out what you DO feel about it. At least be honest with yourself to avoid digging yourself into a hole, where suddenly one day you look around and realize you can't tell which way is the sky anymore.

This sounds really dark and sad and morbid. But if I was ever lost inside the Earth's crust, I can see the whole sky now, and I can tell when it's sunny and when it's raining. And I'm taking this time to really feel the sun and the rain on my skin, and figure out what I like to do in all kinds of weather.

November has always struck me as a grey month, but this one has been enlightening. I really love it, despite the tempests and the indecisive sunshine, and the total whiteout that will no doubt engulf me on my way north this weekend. Praying for a smooth drive, but I can't wait to go "home."

ridin' solo

Now, the state of crisis seems to be settling down.  (Knock on wood!)  I'm starting to feel more secure, or at least rooted, here.  My energy level is up, which means I'm getting a lot of good things done at work, and I'm usually in a pretty good mood.

But it also means I'm getting antsy.  Last year I started working out regularly, hoping it would help me focus on my work, and it did -- but then I just had so much energy I would stay at the gym for an hour... then an hour and a half... then two hours... then I'd go there after class and stay until I had to run up to Buntrock as the caf was closing.  I don't know how much weight I lost, and that really had nothing to do with me being there.  The point is, I realized that I was living with this unsettled feeling of something being wrong and unresolved in my life outside of the gym.

Which is where I am now.  Now that I'm settling into my job, depositing a few paychecks, and putting together a living space I'm excited about, one of my old discarded worries is resurfacing.

I'm lonely.

Back in The Bubble, my friends and I would sit around in the quad on a sunny afternoon, eating ice cream and dancing around barefoot, and worrying that once we left St. Olaf we wouldn't be able to meet anyone as cool as the people we were with.  We always reassured each other, "Oh, but you're interesting and fun and smart... and plus you're cute!  You won't have any trouble at all."  And I legitimately put it out of my mind as a non-issue.

But here I am, stuck in between 5 different highways, 15 minutes from just about any-where, and I don't know which-where to go.  I know that I could meet people I'd get along with at a poetry open mic: there are none, it seems, in the entire state of Delaware.  (Guess I'd better go to Philly...?)  I could meet people at a coffee shop, if I went there often enough.  I could meet people in liquor stores or co-ops or bars (not ideal) or even at the post office.  There is the endless problem that 18-to-25-year-olds seem to exist off the beaten track of any place I've ever been: it's the same in Amsterdam, in St. Croix Falls, and even in Queens when I went out with Karin and Audrey.  We're an incredibly hard demographic to tap.  We probably just drink beer with our friends in our basements.

The thing is, it takes time.  I want to meet someone I've seen around often enough, or who knows the people behind the counter at any given establishment, that it stands as a character reference.  Alex wrote me this beautiful email about introductions, and how the most important people in our lives never get introduced because it's too complicated to go into it.  I want that.  But I have to put in the time to get my own character reference and my own inarticulable introduction, and we all know I'm the most impatient person ever.

It will come.  It always does.  It'll hit the breaking point and I'll go and do something drastic that will just blow the whole problem right out of the water.  That's usually how I fix the big things.

And until then I'll just be aware of my anxiety, settle into my new space.  I'll do things I enjoy doing, and on the way there I'll make eyes at hotties in cars that pass me on the highway.  I'll ask for a Saturday off now and then so I can go visit my brother, call my far-flung mainstays on the telephone, and try to track down some Delaware postcards for the far-flung people that have had a positive impact on my life.  I'll make it.  I always do.

body of work

The days are filling so that when I turn around three times and curl up in bed on Sunday night, I barely believe that Sunday morning was within the same time frame.  So that when I filled out my first time sheet for my social media job this afternoon, I was surprised at how few days I had to account for.

I got back from Zumba with my mom and two pizzas about an hour ago, and neither one of us could get over how good we felt.  We had both been feeling so tense, from the half-hour-plus of driving and 7 hours of staring at a computer screen that I do every day, and whatever Mutti does that has the same general effect.  And walking out of there, we both felt so light and loose.  I love Zumba, the hilarious parts, the really fast parts that make me wonder if I'm going to be able to keep going, the aggressive parts that remind me to deal with my frustration ("never go to bed angry"), and the slow, deep plunges and stretches that remind me to breathe.

It was somewhat less comfortable for my mom, who doesn't really ever dance -- it was a feat to get her and Papa out for the electric slide at my quinceañera 7 years ago.  She said she struggled with the coordination, the quick switching between salsa and cumbia steps, and the really hippy stuff -- not free-love-hippy stuff, but cadena-hippy stuff.

It occurred to me that Zumba is good for more than just women's bodies (because, yes, it appears to be mostly women who do Zumba).  As Mutti mentioned, we don't do those kinds of things very often: we don't move that way, we don't laugh that way...  We don't ever feel that way.  I think it's great for body image because I'd put money on most of those women being super shy.  We hardly look at each other when we all walk in and carve out a space for ourselves, and pretend like we know what we're doing when it takes almost everyone a few seconds, at least, to figure out when a new step starts.  By the end, we're giggling, we're tired, our guards are down and we're feeling good, and I catch the eyes of the two women next to me.  They both came alone and they both smile shyly when our eyes meet, and we are laughing, and suddenly we have reason to suspect that none of us are comfortable throughout the majority of our daily lives.  We all feel equally stupid doing those moves, and equally exhilarated, and we all chose to come there and we are all beautiful and strong and we all want to care for our beautiful strong selves.

We almost didn't go, because of course I came home from work and asked every member of the family to go to Zumba with me at 7:30, and everyone was busy or tired or something else...  And then I decided to use my time productively and start sanding the tacky blue paint off this big cedar chest I bought yesterday.  So before I go at it with the belt sander, my dad warns me that the machine has a mind of its own and if I don't control it then it'll just fly straight off the end of the trunk.

No kidding.  It took my whole neglected core to keep it on the wood at all, and I barely managed to make it go where I needed it even by the end.  Not to mention the paint melts in stripes onto the sandpaper, smells like poison, and makes the sander almost completely ineffective.  After an hour I was sweating and sore and covered in paint dust, smelling vaguely like burnt rubber, and ready to go to the Y...?

I'm working backwards here.  Yesterday, along with the big cornflower blue cedar chest with bird decals on it, I picked up a U.S. Navy Captain's sea trunk and a giant squishy green chair/loveseat at the Family Thrift Store right up the street.  The sea trunk still has oil paper inside, and it smells like salt and cedar and oil paper, and ships.  It's a little rough around the edges, but it charmed me right off the bat.  The chair -- well, that was love at first sight.  It reminds me of rainy days, and mugs of tea that are far bigger than you could possibly need, but it just makes you feel more cozy because you won't have to get up for hours...  This chair matches. Also it is a beautiful color, and it lives up to the Greco Living Room Couch standard, which means you sink into it no matter what angle you come at it from.

So, it is my first furniture, for the basement apartment I was promised.  It's haphazard for now, with unfinished drywall and cement spackling on two walls, a curtain for the third wall, and brown paper ceiling -- but it's comfortable and eclectic and highly appealing.

Plus, my loveseat could not look better down there.