a delaware love affair

And again, you've caught me being remiss in my writing.  I am still excited about Kyle's list from last week, partly because it gave me a post off, but mostly because I can never get enough of hearing my classmates' reflections about life before and after graduation.  As Nathan Soland commented, "One of the most important things St. Olaf taught me was to reflect; [Kyle did] that here with honesty, wit, and thoughtfulness."  This is something I seriously appreciate about my college education: My fellow Ole alumni reflect thoughtfully, intelligently, self-deprecatingly, on our shared circumstances and on the circumstances we no longer share.

That being said, and in the wake of Kyle's thoughtful, funny and true list of life lessons, I am growing weary of my play-by-plays and reviews of cool pubs and restaurants.  There are a few things I'd really love to share with you all, but I don't want to lose sight of the underlying exploration of this new life.  Plus, things have lately been thrown into an interesting new light.

I took Good Friday off from work and drove up to New York on Thursday night to meet my usual crew, Karin and Audrey, plus a delightful extra: My beloved Boo and one of my best and oldest college friends, Lisa, who was on spring break on the East Coast.  (Yeah, she works at an elementary school, and I'm betting she's really good at it...  But it means she gets spring break.  Jealous.)

Lisa: "Thanks! Just press the big button on top."
Jorge the Waiter: "Oh, I thought it was different from every other camera."

We met up with Heidi, who lived in Pod TMI with Lisa and I last year, and Mariella, Heidi's host in Brooklyn.  While Karin was at work the 5 of us went to Da Gennaro's in Little Italy for a delicious lunch, and it struck me that most of my beautiful, incredible friends are in one-year service positions: Episcopal Service Corps, Good Shepherd Volunteers, Minnesota Reading Corps...

And I have found something permanent.  Or at least long-term.  This puts me in a different mindset than a lot of my friends, especially those who are now in a similar situation as we all were this time last year (although most of them are freaking out less right now than we all were last year).

That being said, the four of us headed up to New Haven to stay in Audrey's house for a couple of nights.  In between sneaking into Yale dorms in search of a bathroom (unsuccessful), a smoky Episcopalian Easter vigil, throwing back a pitcher of the world's best margaritas at Viva, and chasing down cherry blossoms with bread, hummus, and strawberry picnics, Audrey gave me a gift she'd found at New Haven Reads, where she works: Delaware, a hardcover picture book produced by the State Quarter people.

I was pumped.

I love state quarters, and history, and Delaware.  (Who woulda thunk?!)

Lisa watched as I flipped enthusiastically through the pages, reading aloud facts about Delaware being the first state and explaining the perfectly round northern border.  Audrey and Karin laughed at me with the same expression they reserve for my professions of skepticism and everything else over-the-top that I do (which is a lot of things).  "Clara loves Delaware," they said.

"Why?" Lisa asked, looking very solemn.  "What do you love about it?"

I thought about it for a moment, and the first thing that came to mind was, characteristically, the robbery.

Which is kind of funny considering that the robbery typically tops the list of reasons to hate this state.  On a psychological level, though, those kind of intense experiences create intense emotional reactions that associate heavily with a place, person, or situation.  And then they mutate and skew in a way that can cause some pretty unfortunate circumstances, for example, addictions to unhealthy relationships.

I'm definitely not comparing my growing love for Delaware to an unhealthy relationship; the connection is that in the wake of the pretty serious trauma of having my home robbed within three weeks of moving into it, I experienced some incredible grace, love, and compassion.  To this day I am awestruck at the mental image of packages addressed to me and my family, full of love and other, more tactile things.  The address on these packages was in Wilmington, DE.  Reason #1.

Also in the wake of the robbery I moved into my own space and set it up the way I wanted.  I got a new bed, put up posters and photos, set up my books and mugs.  Invested in my living area.

A few months down the line I had my first visitor: Audrey, back in December.  This visit was an important milestone both in that I got to own my space, show it to someone, and because it was my first real foray into the history of the First State.

I love that Delaware is the first state.

I love my Delaware license plate, and my Delaware driver's license (even though I got really sad for a second when I saw a New York license this weekend) and the fact that there is no sales tax.

I love cherry blossom snow outside my window at work, and how close I am to New York, and that we are close enough to the ocean for fresh seafood.

DE pride at Two Stones!

I love Wawa.  Like, LOVE Wawa.

I love Delaware craft beer.  Even though Dogfish Head mostly makes IPAs.  Last week was Delaware beer week at Two Stones Pub, which has 25 taps of all craft beer at any given time, and last week served only Delaware beers.  We went on Old Dominion night.  You know I love it.

I love my job, and my friends, and my man, the bars and coffeeshops, and the creek behind my house, and I love being close to my family.  I even feel at home at Hope Church, despite the fact I don't go that much.

When I really boil it down, it mostly all comes down to this: I have settled.  I have put down roots.  I am investing my time and energy (and tax-free consumer dollars) into my life here.  I am making friends.  As Ann says, we'll find people to love anywhere, no matter where we go, if we stay there for awhile.

I miss my far-flung loves, of course, and I cherish every hour I can spare for a conversation with each of them.  As Kyle said, a random 10-word text from a distant friend is better than pretty much everything else.  Because, as Kyle also said,  friendship isn't measured by how well you stay in touch.

I realized a few months ago that love is a decision.  Among other things, of course.  And I'm definitely not trying to say that we don't ever fall in love with people or things we shouldn't or don't want to fall in love with.  If I told you that I would be a big-time liar.  But for love to work, you have to let yourself fall into it.  You have to decide that you're going to do everything in your power to let it happen, to make it work, to make it work well.

Delaware and I had a slow start.  In fact, I'll say we started in the negatives.  But slowly, we've decided to accept each other.  Slowly, we've decided to love each other.  Slowly, we've decided to put our all into making this work.  And now, I'm attached.  Like a tick to bare ankles in the summertime.

Aaaand we come full-circle.  Love them ticks.

I'm sure the feeling is decisively mutual.