This week feels like a boulder strapped to my ankles, dragging along behind me no matter how frantically I try to shake it off. It's just driving my heart rate up, and not in a good way: I sit at my desk feeling anxious, triggered by dumb little issues I can't fix right away.
Which is a problem, because I am a problem solver. I like to fix things. I hate sitting around and watching things malfunction or dysfunction and not doing anything about it. And although this sounds like a useful personality trait, it isn't always that constructive.
Today, for example. And yesterday, for that matter. It leaves me at an uncomfortable and incredibly frustrating impasse.
And now you, dear readers, are most likely getting sucked into the maddening conundrum. So I'll tell you what Problem-Solving Clara has come up with to counteract the anxiety.
1. This video:
Top 10 on YouTube yesterday, I clicked it once in the morning in my routine scan of the trends... And couldn't STOP clicking. Seriously. I hit replay probably literally 50 times in the past 2 days. I would feel myself falling into a slump and hit replay and BOOM! There I go, smiling like Tour Guide Barbie from Toy Story 2, for at least 3 minutes and 25 seconds. The video is really just delightful. Don't pretend like you don't think so.
More inclusively, if you're here for answers, just play some tunes you like. My friend Steve plays Van Morrison when he needs some soothing. Whatever floats your boat.
2. One of my die-hard anti-anxiety tactics is gum-chewing. This was particularly true before some litigious asshat decided to sue Wrigley for making unproven claims about cardamom on the package of my all-time favorite flavor of gum. I've settled for Orbit Sweet Mint flavor now, but I'm still fuming.
Anyway, some people are pack-a-day cigarette people? During finals week, or on the last day for grades to be turned in maybe ever in my life when I had a 16-page research paper and 8 hours to write it in, I am at least a pack-a-day gum chewer, and also avid techno listener. This is how I get things done. It also keeps my head from blowing off or my heart from bursting out of my chest and running across the street without looking both ways first.
3. I also have spent some time recently clearing out my email inbox. You see, I have never been one of those "28,975 unread messages" people, like certain professors I could name, or my dad. It bugs the shit out of me. Unfortunately, I am not the most technologically adept person to ever live, so I merged my .edu email with my gmail.com email in the wrong order and ended up, the summer after graduation, with several thousand unread messages, that in fact I have read at least one time each, that just need to be processed. And I never want to do it.
Anyway, I was running through some of them and stumbled upon an email I wrote to my counselor almost exactly a year ago, with the subject line "bad night--just a heads up." This is interesting, as I don't remember having a night that bad just a year ago, but I certainly remembered that night when reminded of it. Anyway, her response was the bomb as always. "Just allow yourself the leisure of feeling what you feel about this situation, so you can process. Also, don't forget you can talk it out with somebody you trust."
On top of the satisfaction of zapping my "unread" messages to under 2,000 (finally), her characteristically insightful advice brings me to #4.
4. I like to commiserate. Or, put more delicately, connect with other people I like. These days I do this most often in the form of a barrage of text messages directed toward my girl Ann in the faraway land of Minnesota, but anyone who happens to send me a Facebook message is also in danger of being thoroughly whined to. Fortunately today my messaging partner was also struggling to some degree so the bitching was mutual. I like it best that way.
5. The cherry on top today was the sudden discovery that it just so happens to be National Chili Day! You have no idea how excited I was to discover a.) that there IS such thing as National Chili Day, and b.) that it is, in fact, TODAY!!! It could not be better timed. Chili is probably one of my top 3 foods, definitely a comfort food. Plus, the world's best chili can be found a mere 3 minute drive from my place of work. And when you can find the world's best chili and a boy that you kind of like in the same place, within 5 minutes, you can kind of consider yourself a very lucky girl.
There is nothing like a holiday to pull me out of anxiety. Even the most depressing Valentine's Days have been pick-me-ups for me. Because merely having something to celebrate is sometimes all I need to remember that the world isn't necessarily such a terrible place after all. And while there are things to mourn and things to stress about, and that is all well and legitimate, there are at least as many reasons to party.
And speaking of partying, I must go to Zumba. (Bonus banisher! Boom.)
Which is a problem, because I am a problem solver. I like to fix things. I hate sitting around and watching things malfunction or dysfunction and not doing anything about it. And although this sounds like a useful personality trait, it isn't always that constructive.
Today, for example. And yesterday, for that matter. It leaves me at an uncomfortable and incredibly frustrating impasse.
And now you, dear readers, are most likely getting sucked into the maddening conundrum. So I'll tell you what Problem-Solving Clara has come up with to counteract the anxiety.
1. This video:
Top 10 on YouTube yesterday, I clicked it once in the morning in my routine scan of the trends... And couldn't STOP clicking. Seriously. I hit replay probably literally 50 times in the past 2 days. I would feel myself falling into a slump and hit replay and BOOM! There I go, smiling like Tour Guide Barbie from Toy Story 2, for at least 3 minutes and 25 seconds. The video is really just delightful. Don't pretend like you don't think so.
More inclusively, if you're here for answers, just play some tunes you like. My friend Steve plays Van Morrison when he needs some soothing. Whatever floats your boat.
2. One of my die-hard anti-anxiety tactics is gum-chewing. This was particularly true before some litigious asshat decided to sue Wrigley for making unproven claims about cardamom on the package of my all-time favorite flavor of gum. I've settled for Orbit Sweet Mint flavor now, but I'm still fuming.
Anyway, some people are pack-a-day cigarette people? During finals week, or on the last day for grades to be turned in maybe ever in my life when I had a 16-page research paper and 8 hours to write it in, I am at least a pack-a-day gum chewer, and also avid techno listener. This is how I get things done. It also keeps my head from blowing off or my heart from bursting out of my chest and running across the street without looking both ways first.
3. I also have spent some time recently clearing out my email inbox. You see, I have never been one of those "28,975 unread messages" people, like certain professors I could name, or my dad. It bugs the shit out of me. Unfortunately, I am not the most technologically adept person to ever live, so I merged my .edu email with my gmail.com email in the wrong order and ended up, the summer after graduation, with several thousand unread messages, that in fact I have read at least one time each, that just need to be processed. And I never want to do it.
Anyway, I was running through some of them and stumbled upon an email I wrote to my counselor almost exactly a year ago, with the subject line "bad night--just a heads up." This is interesting, as I don't remember having a night that bad just a year ago, but I certainly remembered that night when reminded of it. Anyway, her response was the bomb as always. "Just allow yourself the leisure of feeling what you feel about this situation, so you can process. Also, don't forget you can talk it out with somebody you trust."
On top of the satisfaction of zapping my "unread" messages to under 2,000 (finally), her characteristically insightful advice brings me to #4.
4. I like to commiserate. Or, put more delicately, connect with other people I like. These days I do this most often in the form of a barrage of text messages directed toward my girl Ann in the faraway land of Minnesota, but anyone who happens to send me a Facebook message is also in danger of being thoroughly whined to. Fortunately today my messaging partner was also struggling to some degree so the bitching was mutual. I like it best that way.
5. The cherry on top today was the sudden discovery that it just so happens to be National Chili Day! You have no idea how excited I was to discover a.) that there IS such thing as National Chili Day, and b.) that it is, in fact, TODAY!!! It could not be better timed. Chili is probably one of my top 3 foods, definitely a comfort food. Plus, the world's best chili can be found a mere 3 minute drive from my place of work. And when you can find the world's best chili and a boy that you kind of like in the same place, within 5 minutes, you can kind of consider yourself a very lucky girl.
There is nothing like a holiday to pull me out of anxiety. Even the most depressing Valentine's Days have been pick-me-ups for me. Because merely having something to celebrate is sometimes all I need to remember that the world isn't necessarily such a terrible place after all. And while there are things to mourn and things to stress about, and that is all well and legitimate, there are at least as many reasons to party.
And speaking of partying, I must go to Zumba. (Bonus banisher! Boom.)
I have to admit that I, too, am a person that loves to commiserate. I've actually become good friends with a couple people who were, until then, merely acquaintances who I'd deigned to add on facebook. And then one night, I felt randomly compelled to say hello, and wound up hashing through the problems we were both going through, and forging a real connection. I love - LOVE - when that kind of thing happens. It's one of the most amazing feelings to connect with someone like that.
ReplyDelete-Always free for commiseration.
Isn't it cool how we make connections?! That's happened to me, too, since graduating--some of the people I'm in closest touch with are people I spoke to literally 3 times while we were classmates at St. Olaf. Strange.
DeleteI'm also amazed, humbled, intensely appreciative of all the responses like yours that I receive from sharing my struggles, my anxieties and sorrows in the blog. So thanks, for reading and for reaching out. And, for writing your own notes in a blog!