Yesterday afternoon I sat down to write a post that I've been planning for at least a week, but haven't written because current events got in the way. Also, it's one of those posts that could easily get out of hand, given my propensity to wax poetic/philosophical/wordy. It was inspired by an article by Lorra M. Brown on PR Daily: 10 things you should expect in your first PR job, which has more to do with life in general than with PR, I think. I love/hate the idea of that: what you should expect. Because really, we all know that things are going to happen as they happen whether we expected them to or not. Hindsight is 20/20, right?
I won't go into the complexities of that axiom, but here's what I could have expected, in terms of Brown's 10 categories of things to expect out of adult life.
1. Fatigue. Really, who expects life not to be exhausting? You WILL be exhausted "after the commute, work, lunch at your desk, and more work." (And you might be surprised at how tiring a commute can be.) You will be exhausted after going to church, hanging out with your sisters for a few hours, sitting down to write a blog post when your phone rings and you spend the next hour talking to a really important friend you haven't spoken to since June, and never actually getting around to blogging before you have to leave for dinner with a bunch of other adults that you don't know but feel like you have to make a really, really good impression on. You will be exhausted for a good portion of your life. This is not different from college. The key is to get fatigued by events and activities that you want to fill your life, because they energize you at least long enough to get everything done, and to enjoy yourself while you do it.
2. Stress. PR Daily's article says the stress of an adult career far overshadows the stress of final exams and schoolwork, but I disagree. Yes, I still feel stress from deadlines and conflicting demands on my time and energy--but get this: no homework to finish on Sunday nights! The luxury of compartmentalizing work tasks from life tasks! (Assuming I don't dream about work, which happens far too often...) I will say, though, that it is absolutely crucial to work out a solid work-life balance. Part of that, as Brown aptly suggests, is pinpointing coping mechanisms that will "help you avoid a first-year meltdown." So far I have managed to avoid a meltdown by working out, setting up social activities that I can look forward to (both in the immediate and far-off future), lunch break phone dates with long distance friends (or Sunday afternoon blog break phone dates), and blowing off steam with my really awesome sisters.
3. Unsupportive friends. According to Brown, "going out for cocktails on a Tuesday night is not in your reality." Truth be told, I go out for cocktails on way more Tuesday nights now than I ever did in college. So suck it. Or, more graciously, loosen up and join me. Just one drink, maybe a plate of nachos, and some good stress-busting camaraderie.
More importantly, though, I'm upset that people have unsupportive friends (I find all of mine very supportive, thanks guys) to the point of having to "let go of friends who don't support your drive to succeed during your transition to the professional world." Yeah, we can't hold onto everybody forever; but I for one continue to hold on stubbornly to people I love who find themselves at different points in their lives than I am. Friendships take work, and we need each other to help navigate this strange life. On top of that, working through rough patches in those relationships and the process of negotiating the interplay between our independent and interdependent selves help us develop crucial life skills like resilience, self-discipline, and the ability to survive and thrive in human society.
Not that I'm trying to force it if it's not working. But I'm not trying to put my personal success ahead of relationships that are important to me. That is where our communities and societies splinter and crumble.
4. Money. I've been promising a post on post-grad financial life for months now. The article basically says, "Don't worry, you will be able to make it rain within a few years if you grind your nose off on the grindstone." Not that I have any problems with the grindstone. I'm just not that into the Sphinx look, if we're being honest.
Anyway, the elusive "money" issue, as far as I'm concerned, is secondary to #5 below.
5. Budget. Once you factor in student loan payments, rent, eating out 24 times a week (hyperbolic representation of my Wilmo A-list lifestyle), and smartphone data plans, you don't actually have very much money. Most of my friends right now are [a little] tight on cash. College doesn't teach you how to budget, which is unfortunate because like I said, budgeting is key. So the "disposable income" thing seems pretty unrealistic. More realistic would be a diet like opportunitarianism, for example.
6. Accountability. In my ideal world, this would be old news. Hold yourself accountable, find someone else to hold you accountable, keep your new year's resolutions, you know the drill. I would add integrity to this heading. Brown, though, uses accountability to talk about keeping track of your time, your work, and the value of both of these things. While I wouldn't really use the word "accountability" to talk about reporting habits and timesheets, I can't deny that learning to value my own work and justify it to my superiors has been a crucial lesson in my post-grad working life so far.
7. Digital skills. I know, I know, social networks are supposed to be social. But really, that's not all there is to it. I know--or at least, I hope--I'm not saying anything you don't already know: People that might hire you will probably check out your Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, whatever. And they will probably Google you. So be real, but be aware. Be kind and interesting and be smart about it. Also, nobody really understands social media even though 3977344257 people around the world get paid to spend their entire lives writing social media strategy and theory. Pay attention and you're already a few steps ahead.
8. Multitasking. I've already mentioned that I am now officially a double-monitor, 7-window, 13-browser-tab profesh (professional). This is not generally conducive to getting things done, especially if I'm already struggling to focus. I make micro-level checklists of my tasks for the day/week, roughly prioritized. It kind of helps.
9. Criticism. Here's the thing. People mess up. Especially when you are a noob like we are, you don't know how things are done around here. You weren't born knowing how to walk in high heels. Heck, you weren't even born knowing how to walk. So, take baby steps. (I know, I'm biased toward that method. But if you're trippin', it doesn't hurt to try.)
OK, enough with the touchy-feely stuff. The point is, you're going to screw up at least once, and somebody's probably going to get mad at you, at least once. People who ask you to complete some kind of task don't always know what they are asking for. In fact, if they asked you to do it chances are they don't know what they want. Just do your best, and learn from your mistakes. Refine your work, hone in on the characteristics of success, whatever that means. Show "professional development," and trust that you have the basic qualities you need to get the job done right, however long it takes.
10. Validation. Brown says you shouldn't expect to hear any praise. I find this both untrue and in a lot of ways unconstructive. I am fully aware, for the record, that I have been spoiled blind by praise. We can get into a parenting theory discussion later (no rush, though, seriously) but I do think that the praise I received pretty much constantly from my parents and teachers growing up has given me the confidence to do a lot of the things I am proud of today. I am also lucky enough to be working in a firm whose leaders give a lot of constructive feedback and encourage the same positive attitude in our constant teamwork, and again I attribute a lot of my really productive job-related confidence to this philosophy-in-action.
I'm not buffing my fingernails on my good fortune here, because not everyone was brought up that way. Instead, I try now to deploy a healthy combination of #9 and #10 (i.e. constructive criticism, infused with a healthy dose of "what you did right" and "what could use work") toward other people, especially those who need a little boost to reach their personal goals. I've seen it make a world of difference.
***
"The first year out of college can be tough," Brown writes. Hear, hear. "But your ability to navigate the challenges of your professional launch will set you on a positive course for a meaningful and rewarding career."
Ahem. Yes, the first year out of college is undoubtedly tough. The first year anywhere is tough. Maybe it's just my eternal tendency to try and take on the universe in a single masterpiece, but I propose a more holistic approach to post-grad life. I propose we take this time to construct lifestyles for ourselves, to eke out what is most important to us and seek to embody those things every day. My wish for all my peers is that we do not lose steam and do not lose hope; that we can keep our momentum and hold onto the invaluable collection of experiences, tools and traits that make us who we are and that allow us to contribute uniquely to our communities.
Now. Brush away those tears while I point you toward a few online examples of post-grads navigating the strange territory of the "real world" (what a dumb buzzword, by the way, used by college admissions departments nationwide). My peers are really creative, intelligent, thoughtful human beings and I respect them a lot for sharing all that with the world.
I won't go into the complexities of that axiom, but here's what I could have expected, in terms of Brown's 10 categories of things to expect out of adult life.
1. Fatigue. Really, who expects life not to be exhausting? You WILL be exhausted "after the commute, work, lunch at your desk, and more work." (And you might be surprised at how tiring a commute can be.) You will be exhausted after going to church, hanging out with your sisters for a few hours, sitting down to write a blog post when your phone rings and you spend the next hour talking to a really important friend you haven't spoken to since June, and never actually getting around to blogging before you have to leave for dinner with a bunch of other adults that you don't know but feel like you have to make a really, really good impression on. You will be exhausted for a good portion of your life. This is not different from college. The key is to get fatigued by events and activities that you want to fill your life, because they energize you at least long enough to get everything done, and to enjoy yourself while you do it.
2. Stress. PR Daily's article says the stress of an adult career far overshadows the stress of final exams and schoolwork, but I disagree. Yes, I still feel stress from deadlines and conflicting demands on my time and energy--but get this: no homework to finish on Sunday nights! The luxury of compartmentalizing work tasks from life tasks! (Assuming I don't dream about work, which happens far too often...) I will say, though, that it is absolutely crucial to work out a solid work-life balance. Part of that, as Brown aptly suggests, is pinpointing coping mechanisms that will "help you avoid a first-year meltdown." So far I have managed to avoid a meltdown by working out, setting up social activities that I can look forward to (both in the immediate and far-off future), lunch break phone dates with long distance friends (or Sunday afternoon blog break phone dates), and blowing off steam with my really awesome sisters.
3. Unsupportive friends. According to Brown, "going out for cocktails on a Tuesday night is not in your reality." Truth be told, I go out for cocktails on way more Tuesday nights now than I ever did in college. So suck it. Or, more graciously, loosen up and join me. Just one drink, maybe a plate of nachos, and some good stress-busting camaraderie.
More importantly, though, I'm upset that people have unsupportive friends (I find all of mine very supportive, thanks guys) to the point of having to "let go of friends who don't support your drive to succeed during your transition to the professional world." Yeah, we can't hold onto everybody forever; but I for one continue to hold on stubbornly to people I love who find themselves at different points in their lives than I am. Friendships take work, and we need each other to help navigate this strange life. On top of that, working through rough patches in those relationships and the process of negotiating the interplay between our independent and interdependent selves help us develop crucial life skills like resilience, self-discipline, and the ability to survive and thrive in human society.
Not that I'm trying to force it if it's not working. But I'm not trying to put my personal success ahead of relationships that are important to me. That is where our communities and societies splinter and crumble.
4. Money. I've been promising a post on post-grad financial life for months now. The article basically says, "Don't worry, you will be able to make it rain within a few years if you grind your nose off on the grindstone." Not that I have any problems with the grindstone. I'm just not that into the Sphinx look, if we're being honest.
Anyway, the elusive "money" issue, as far as I'm concerned, is secondary to #5 below.
5. Budget. Once you factor in student loan payments, rent, eating out 24 times a week (hyperbolic representation of my Wilmo A-list lifestyle), and smartphone data plans, you don't actually have very much money. Most of my friends right now are [a little] tight on cash. College doesn't teach you how to budget, which is unfortunate because like I said, budgeting is key. So the "disposable income" thing seems pretty unrealistic. More realistic would be a diet like opportunitarianism, for example.
6. Accountability. In my ideal world, this would be old news. Hold yourself accountable, find someone else to hold you accountable, keep your new year's resolutions, you know the drill. I would add integrity to this heading. Brown, though, uses accountability to talk about keeping track of your time, your work, and the value of both of these things. While I wouldn't really use the word "accountability" to talk about reporting habits and timesheets, I can't deny that learning to value my own work and justify it to my superiors has been a crucial lesson in my post-grad working life so far.
7. Digital skills. I know, I know, social networks are supposed to be social. But really, that's not all there is to it. I know--or at least, I hope--I'm not saying anything you don't already know: People that might hire you will probably check out your Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, whatever. And they will probably Google you. So be real, but be aware. Be kind and interesting and be smart about it. Also, nobody really understands social media even though 3977344257 people around the world get paid to spend their entire lives writing social media strategy and theory. Pay attention and you're already a few steps ahead.
8. Multitasking. I've already mentioned that I am now officially a double-monitor, 7-window, 13-browser-tab profesh (professional). This is not generally conducive to getting things done, especially if I'm already struggling to focus. I make micro-level checklists of my tasks for the day/week, roughly prioritized. It kind of helps.
9. Criticism. Here's the thing. People mess up. Especially when you are a noob like we are, you don't know how things are done around here. You weren't born knowing how to walk in high heels. Heck, you weren't even born knowing how to walk. So, take baby steps. (I know, I'm biased toward that method. But if you're trippin', it doesn't hurt to try.)
OK, enough with the touchy-feely stuff. The point is, you're going to screw up at least once, and somebody's probably going to get mad at you, at least once. People who ask you to complete some kind of task don't always know what they are asking for. In fact, if they asked you to do it chances are they don't know what they want. Just do your best, and learn from your mistakes. Refine your work, hone in on the characteristics of success, whatever that means. Show "professional development," and trust that you have the basic qualities you need to get the job done right, however long it takes.
10. Validation. Brown says you shouldn't expect to hear any praise. I find this both untrue and in a lot of ways unconstructive. I am fully aware, for the record, that I have been spoiled blind by praise. We can get into a parenting theory discussion later (no rush, though, seriously) but I do think that the praise I received pretty much constantly from my parents and teachers growing up has given me the confidence to do a lot of the things I am proud of today. I am also lucky enough to be working in a firm whose leaders give a lot of constructive feedback and encourage the same positive attitude in our constant teamwork, and again I attribute a lot of my really productive job-related confidence to this philosophy-in-action.
I'm not buffing my fingernails on my good fortune here, because not everyone was brought up that way. Instead, I try now to deploy a healthy combination of #9 and #10 (i.e. constructive criticism, infused with a healthy dose of "what you did right" and "what could use work") toward other people, especially those who need a little boost to reach their personal goals. I've seen it make a world of difference.
***
"The first year out of college can be tough," Brown writes. Hear, hear. "But your ability to navigate the challenges of your professional launch will set you on a positive course for a meaningful and rewarding career."
Ahem. Yes, the first year out of college is undoubtedly tough. The first year anywhere is tough. Maybe it's just my eternal tendency to try and take on the universe in a single masterpiece, but I propose a more holistic approach to post-grad life. I propose we take this time to construct lifestyles for ourselves, to eke out what is most important to us and seek to embody those things every day. My wish for all my peers is that we do not lose steam and do not lose hope; that we can keep our momentum and hold onto the invaluable collection of experiences, tools and traits that make us who we are and that allow us to contribute uniquely to our communities.
Now. Brush away those tears while I point you toward a few online examples of post-grads navigating the strange territory of the "real world" (what a dumb buzzword, by the way, used by college admissions departments nationwide). My peers are really creative, intelligent, thoughtful human beings and I respect them a lot for sharing all that with the world.
- From St. Olaf to Saint-Brieuc: My St. Olaf classmate and good friend Stephen is now teaching English in a small provincial town in France (yes, we all think it's exactly like Beauty and the Beast). As it turns out, though, he struggles with a lot of the same dilemmas in France as his stateside classmates do. (He also goes on delicious pan-European vacations and takes gorgeous photos of them--reason alone to follow his blog!)
- Gator Don't Play No Shit: Written by a guy I went to school with from 4th grade 'til high school graduation, and his friends. Their tagline reads, "Hard-hitting commentary from a couple of post-grad dudes." I'm not going to characterize Gator as a "processing" blog like mine and Stephen's, but it definitely does document a "holistic approach to post-grad life." And a really amusing one, at that.
- slubs in the city: More St. Olaf classmates, living together in the Twin Cities. This is a total lifestyle blog. They post awesome recipes, realizations about life that surfaced through a job experience, things they're excited about, and things they're not so excited about. Super down-to-earth.
- the nebulous ponderings of a wandering lover: My good friend Liz took off to Portland, OR, after graduating from St. Olaf in May, without a plan or any real trajectory at all. This is most definitely a processing blog, and while she doesn't post often, her posts do lay out some tough stuff for readers to slog through with her. She's smart, thoughtful, and self-aware--good fodder for some serious pondering.
- lindsayinrussiaround2: Another classmate teaching internationally, in Russia this time. She wouldn't likely write a post like this one ("things I've learned about life" blah blah blah) but she does talk about the ups and downs of her independent life. Also, she has a wonderfully dry sense of humor.
So, creative, intelligent, thoughtful peers (and mentors) of mine, anything to add?
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