the ideal "first question"

Last weekend I went to a party for a friend in Baltimore, where I had met a few people before but didn't know many of them well. It was an interestingly informal venue to get to know new people, but I have to admit I find small talk exhausting.

A few weeks ago I was talking to some friends about the differences between the Midwest and the East Coast, particularly the Mid-Atlantic. One of them recounted the story of a female friend from Virginia who married a Minnesotan guy. She said when they meet new people in the D.C. area, they ask what she does for work; in the Midwest, they ask if she is married.

It's an interesting contrast, one that highlights some stereotypical cultural differences between the two regions. I know there are other contextual factors that influence what "first question" you ask, like the fact that her main contact in the Midwest is more likely family or church people, while in D.C. they are more likely professionals or peers. The question can also be influenced by age differences, whether you are meeting in a big city or a small town or on a college campus, whether you are in a corporate office building or a yoga studio or on a plane... And some contexts, and the questions that come with them, are more conducive to actually getting to know someone on a deeper level.

Ideally, we agreed, neither of those orginial questions is one we would actually LIKE to form a first impression about us. But what else is there? If we could choose any first question to ask or be asked when meeting someone new, what would it be?


One of my friends said, "I always like the Marry/Kiss/Kill with chocolate, bacon, and sweet potato fries." (For those unfamiliar with the game, you have to choose which of the three options you would prefer to spend your life with; which you would like to have a sordid moment with, but not a long-term relationship; and which you would give up forever, if you had to choose one.)

Before I could ask what someone's answers to that question would tell us, we of course got caught up in our own answers, and how they have changed over time, and what that says about our lives.

So maybe the question serves its purpose.

I remember meeting the boyfriend of a friend, back when he was new. She got up to go the restroom, leaving him alone with us. "So," he said, with a conspiratorial grin, "any burning questions you want to ask me while she's gone?"

"Not really," I replied. "All the important stuff will come up in the course of normal conversation." I didn't say it, but my sense was that what we would find out about him would be truer, more honest, if we let it come out with time.

But somebody has to ask something to get the conversation flowing. I tried to think of my ideal first question. What do I most want to know about people? What they are passionate about. What drives them. Their main goal in life.

But asking about those things up front puts a lot of pressure on the conversation. It's likely to either cause the questionee to clam up, or spew a packaged answer. Any deep and lasting relationship has to balance a sense of mutual ease and comfort with an open table for all kinds of discussions, serious or not.

So I'm a little stuck. I guess if I had to choose betwween "What do you do?" and "Are you married?" I would choose the former, because it is more relevant to my actual personality, and it's more likely to lead into other, more interesting questions like, "What do you like about it?" "How did you get into that?" "Is this where you want to be long-term?" "And what do you do in your spare time?"


Actually, speaking of spare time, the best luck I've probably ever had with a first question is, "What are you reading?" Which could lead into what you like or dislike about the book at hand, whether you are reading it for fun or for school or for work or for a book club, and even your favorite book(s) of all time. That question has in recent history spurred interesting conversations with a woman sitting next to me on a plane; coworkers; my mechanic; and J, before we started dating! Books also contribute to a good chunk of the conversations I have with people I'm already close to.

The only problem is, that question only applies to someone who is currently reading, or has a book in their possession. It also is definitely not foolproof in the age of e-readers that could be tablets. (Another argument for actual glue-and-paper books, but that's a discussion for another day...)

I think I've made my choice anyway, readers: What are you reading?

But since I already know the answer (ha, ha), I'll leave you with this: what would be your ideal "first question"?

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: not fish, but friends and food

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie.

Cassie's moving this week, so look for her list next Sunday. But don't worry - there are plenty of good things to read about right now!

1. Song of the week: Butterfly by Crazy Town. In honor of my girl's 25th birthday this week, our first karaoke song (which reminds everyone of the movie Orange County).

2. Hosting. This week we had our second book club meeting, and it was my turn to host. I actually had a lot of fun coming up with little snacks and making sure everyone had what they needed! It's been a long time since I really put some effort into having people over.

3. Sister dinner. My middle sister was home for spring break this week, so all three of us girls went out for dinner together. We are so cool.

4. Having good friends close by. Last night was the second time this month I went down to Baltimore to see Lisa, this time for her birthday. It's really nice that she is so close, so we get to spend a lot of time together.

5. Laughing. Lisa knows a lot of great people, and I spent a ton of time last night just laughing hysterically with people I didn't know very well, but really liked, and some people I know and like and haven't seen in awhile. Laughing really makes life worthwhile.

6. My friend Kristy's bridal shower was yesterday, and it was a really nice afternoon. The decorations were simple but really pretty, and it was fun to hang out with everyone and play silly games. Plus, she seemed so happy to have us all there and to be getting married. It was heartwarming.

7. TJMaxx, Marshall's and Home Goods are dangerous but delightful. I got a bunch of great gifts there this weekend, and some stuff I've been looking for but haven't found for a reasonable price. On the other hand, I always leave with a ridiculous amount of stuff, way more than I meant to. But it's all great!

8. We got our first farm share this week! I've been meaning to buy into a CSA for awhile now, but only just got around to it. It's so exciting to wait and see what will be in it, and figuring out what to make with it is like a game. This week we made roasted sweet potatoes and onions: so easy and so delicious!


9. Pizza. This week has been full of pizza. On Monday we had Barcelona Pizza for dinner, because they have a Monday night special and its still a treat to get takeout on family night. And then we had build-your-own pizza for Lisa's party and there were so many delicious creations: one big, square, Italian flag pizza with a pesto base on one third, cheese only in the middle, and red sauce on the other side; an apple, goat cheese and prosciutto pizza; a four-cheese spinach artichoke pizza; two dessert pizzas with chocolate, peanut butter, bananas and jam; and tons of other combinations. So delicious, and also super fun.

10. A friend of mine started a business that opened this week! It's called Le Macaron Nashville and basically she just bakes and sells French macaroons. She's always been a pretty stellar baker, and the photos on her Facebook page of her finished piles of different colored macarons are mouthwatering. Props and good luck to my girl!

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

paradigm shift

When I look back at some of my early blog posts, I am struck by how different they are from what I'm writing now - stylistically, topically, philosophically... I don't like saying this, because it seems like discrediting the whole purpose of the blog, especially at its inception, but the word that often comes to mind is "immature." I have definitely had a facepalm moment or two reading back over old posts.


I'm used to retrospectively recognizing changes in my own perspective, philosophy, emotional maturity... But there are fewer times when I record sudden and dramatic paradigm shifts as they happen.

Recently I've noticed this happening with a kind of sweeping frequency, like my mindset is going through a total overhaul, piece by piece: first work, then money, then faith...and it's really bizarre. But I think the sum effect is a positive one.

The first domino fell when I read an article on Slate a few months ago, about how the Do What You Love/Love What You Do mantra is elitist, how it overvalues the role of "work" in people's lives and undervalues jobs that are looked down upon but entirely necessary to the functioning of society. As I read it I felt my opinion changing. For a typically stubborn person who likes to mull things over before accepting them, this was an entirely new experience. Maybe it's weird in general, for anyone.

Since then, I have done a lot of mulling over, and I don't reject the "mantra" as vehemently now as I did after my initial reading. But the way I approach work has definitely shifted since then, with some support from outside conversations about the impact of work on personal relationships, and my growing obsession with reading articles on LinkedIn (most of which are about work and work culture). I think there is some value to finding something we actually enjoy doing, and getting paid for it, but I'm recognizing the value in letting work be work, and leaving work at work when the day is over.

And maybe this perspective also soothes some of the shock many of us felt upon leaving college, feeling pushed to fulfill our greatest dreams and make a ton of money and "do anything," when suddenly none of that seemed so possible anymore. Particularly in the post-recession economy. Sometimes, we just have to get by, and find fulfillment outside of the nine-to-five (or serving shifts, or the school day... whatever keeps your boat afloat).

And then there's money. Something I have always worried about. For awhile I got caught up in the "making more" paradigm, the culture of spending more and being frustrated when whatever it was cost too much and everyone else seemed to be perfectly comfortable just shelling out.

I've been talking about it a lot, with my mom, my dad, and with J, and even with a financial life planner. I've been hearing that familiar "thou shalt not worry about earthly things" message in sermon after sermon for years (and even more often lately), frustrated by the Gospel's inability to understand how impossible it is, to just not worry about money, and clothes, and food, and my car. I've been jealously clicking through pictures of my friends who seem to be embracing their characteristic millennial broke-ness with proper millennial nonchalance.

And then, earlier this month, one of my friends posted an article: You Don't Have To Be Rich In Your 20s: How Much Money You Should Actually Be Making. And even though I didn't 100% agree with the article, or want the life it touted, something clicked for me: I make enough. I'm not broke. I eat enough. I do a lot of things I like to do. I have gas in my car. I'm even saving. And there's nothing productive in worrying about paying for a wedding, because the important thing is that I'm going to marry the guy I love, and I really think our hearts and minds are in the right place on that whole issue.


A lot of the topics I've wrestled on this blog are serious aspects of adult life and even, in some cases, of basic survival. Lately I find myself thinking back to an interview with the author of a fairly new parenting book. The book is called All Joy and No Fun, and her main point is basically (bluntly) that parenting can kinda make life suck, if you measure by the same standards of personal happiness that you use when you're single; but it's worth it, because it brings joy to your life. Joy and happiness are not necessarily the same thing.

I've latched onto this idea because there are a lot of things I have to do, and even things I choose to do, that don't always make me feel happy, per se, but in the long run they bring joy and contentment to my life. That's what I've found with work, and finances, and exercise, and even cooking and eating. But I'm determined to hit on long-term happiness, and living a joyful and beautiful life, and I think I'm doing that.


One of the reasons I'm bringing the blog to an end this year is that I'm starting to get a sense of divergence in the collective lives of my class. I write fewer posts that I expect will be relatable to a general majority of my reader base. I don't entirely expect that this post, in particular, will hit home for a whole bunch of people. I think we, as a class, have moved past the point of having a lot of very similar new experiences and struggles and perceiving them similarly, and are now having different experiences, figuring things out at our own paces, in our own ways, in our own contexts. I just hope we'll continue to find ways to share our various paths, because we can all learn something from each other.

Stick with me to the end, dear readers. I've enjoyed coming this far with you, and now, more than ever, I treasure your feedback and your thoughts about where you are and where I am now, and where we are headed in the years to come.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: something new every day

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: And We Danced by Macklemore X Ryan Lewis. My officemate has been taking care of the music for the past couple of weeks, and every time this song came on I would ask her what it was. Finally figured it out this week before I had to ask her... And when I put a name to the song I realized that it makes me feel goofy and devilish and carefree... Which is just what I need at work a lot of times.

2. Irish soda bread. This has become sort of a tradition over the past 2 years: soda bread for St. Paddy's Day. It's got a quick prep time and it's dense and delicious. - Clara

3. Accountability. The women I swim with are a source of great inspiration to me. A lot of them are older than I am, and understand the importance of fitness on a much larger scale than I do. And this one woman in particular is so perceptive and thoughtful (without being overbearing) and humble, and says something to me every week that lifts me up and leaves me thinking. Last week she said, "I watch the people in the other lanes who are faster than me, and I learn from them. I learn something new every day and I get faster and faster." - Clara

4. FROZEN CAME OUT IN STORES THIS WEEK. I didn't get it yet, but just knowing it is now available to me is a constant source of excitement. - Clara

5. Getting our families together. Family is a big thing for both J and I, and this afternoon we got both of our families together for an engagement dinner at an Indian buffet we like. It turned out greater than I could have hoped - everybody got along great, and even the baby liked the food! We laughed and talked and ate for hours until (maybe even after) they closed for lunch, and my mom brought in ladoo (traditional celebratory sweets) and shared it with the whole restaurant! Definitely a highlight. - Clara

6. About Time. From the people who did Love Actually, I should have expected nothing less. It's billed as a "romantic drama" but it's really comedic and British and beautiful and it just says a lot about life, and family, and how we use our time, and what is important. Definitely recommend. - Clara

7. Well-deserved vacations. My parents headed off to a resort in Mexico this weekend. They never go on vacations (their last one was in 2004) so this is huge! They both work so hard, and it's so great to see them finally spend some time away to relax. - Cassie

8. Picking out paint colors. Luke and I are moving into a new apartment in a week or so. Our new landlords are painting the walls for us and are letting us choose the colors! After living for 2 and a half years in an apartment with all white walls I am so excited to be surrounded by color. Being able to choose our own colors is really going to make the new place feel like home so much more quickly. - Cassie

9. Membership at the local co-op. A couple years ago I became a member at the co-op in my neighborhood. Every time I go there to buy produce or organic products I leave feeling great! The people that work there are so friendly, and it feels like I'm part of the community. They also have amazing produce so that doesn't hurt. - Cassie

10. Going with the flow. I'm a planner by nature so sometimes when things suddenly crop up I have a hard time. However, when I'm forced to be more flexible things inevitably end up going well. Though it's hard for me I'm always grateful when things pop up that force me to be more easy-going. It's never good to have everything planned out all the time - even a planner can admit to that :) - Cassie



* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

online dating (part 1?)

I have been meaning to write this post for years, since I started seeing posts from a surprising number of friends and classmates in the year or so after graduating college. I have always half-wanted to start a profile, as a social experiment, but my time for that is past, so instead I've talked to some friends, read some Pew Internet research, and left the social experiments to other people with a passion and a mission (like Amy Webb - seriously, watch the TEDTalk; it's amazing).

To give you an idea of the vastness of experience with online dating, I have friends who:
- have decided squarely not to try it, and resent the constant suggestions by coupled friends to "just try it, it helps just to meet people."
- are happily married or engaged to someone they met online.
- have had relationships with people they met online, and have had the relationships crash and burn...
- ...while others have had them end well, and are still looking.
- have internet-dated and now are married or engaged to or are happily dating someone they met offline, in bars or through friends.
- have never gone out with anyone met online, but not for lack of trying.
- moved to a new place and made a profile just to meet anyone of similar age and/or interests.
- have just never gotten on one of these sites, like me. Maybe they just haven't gotten one yet, but will someday...

...and the list goes on. Plus, the nuances in each of the stories, even if they have big things in common, are as varied as human experience in any other realm.

Talking about variation through a scientific lens, Pew has published several studies about online dating; I looked in particular at one general report from 2006 and one from 2013 to write this post.

What jumped out at me right away was that a major focus of the study responses in 2006: people by and large were widely afraid of the safety and security of online dating. While this is definitely still a concern now (even within my small social sample, catfishing was mentioned), this barely factored in the 2013 study among all the other, much more prevalent findings and impressions.

For example, far more people now have gone on a date with someone they met online. It's also much more public: significantly more Americans now know someone who has used online dating, and the percentage of people who know someone who has gotten into a long-term relationship or marriage with someone they met online has almost doubled! Those numbers are even higher once you start talking about college grads and younger people (like us!)

Not surprising, I suppose.

But it also depends on what you're looking for online. Some may be looking for a long-term partner, while others may not be looking for commitment at all. (One person responded to my question about goals with: "Just wanted someone to pay for my meals and take me to the movie theater because I was broke. LOL." Should have tried CarrotDating!

But she and others who said they weren't looking for commitment did have positive experiences and good relationships with people they met online. This particular person did ultimately end up meeting someone she was "head over heels" for, and they are now married with kids. A modern-day fairytale - love changes our world!)

Most people in my sample use OkCupid (it's free!) Think about how many different goals people have for creating a profile, and imagine them all flocking to one general site. It might shed some light on why nobody responded when you tried to get in touch! (Not that uncommon, it seems.)

But especially now, there is a seemingly endless list of different sites with different objectives. There are all the ones you see ads for: eHarmony, Match, Plenty of Fish. And the growing cohort of religion-based sites, and even at least one for missionaries! Then there are sites for people in a specific age group, like OurTime.com for the 50+ singles crowd. There are sites for couples to meet other couples (I may get my chance yet!) and sites to find people with similar interests (HowAboutWe). Then there are location-based apps like Grindr and Tinder that may be taking the place of approaching a hottie at a bar, because you can find them on Tinder first and avoid the sting of a face-to-face rejection, or the creep factor. And I had totally forgotten about chat rooms when I started researching for this post - the online dating of the AIM era! I know a few people who met someone in a chat room and are still together.

But no matter which site(s) or app(s) you use, the answers to the "why" question were very similar across the board:

"I was using it more to have a person outside of my life and social circles to talk to."
"I longed for communication outside of my circle, outside of my community and outside of my town/country. I wanted to know all different people, without involving myself into any activities I wasn't interested in. It's like getting past all the walls really fast, instead of looking for doors."
"I realized I wasn't meeting people (don't go out to bars, and most of my friends were either female or married or both, so that can make it hard to meet date-able people), and decided to try it on a whim."
"Most guys on OKC seem to join because they're new to a city, or because meeting people out in public is difficult."
"'The best and most satisfying aspect of online dating is hope. There is ALWAYS someone available in online dating and they are usually looking for, broadly speaking, something similar to what I am looking for - a date."
"It seems like most people are into casually conversing, but never setting anything in stone.... I think the truly exciting thing about it is just seeing people who are out there who you can really imagine digging.... Overall, it allows for an expansive view of what's out there (at least what is out there on one dating website) and knowing that there are a lot of possibilities to find great people and lotsa love in the world."

I'm sure you've picked up a common thread: many people who try online dating are looking to expand their horizons, meet people they might not normally meet, fulfill a need or desire for a meaningful human connection of a different sort than what they have on hand.

And isn't that something we're all looking for? Meaningful, stimulating human connections?

There are so many different ways to find and develop those kinds of connections, and why not, when the internet is so deeply intertwined with our everyday lives, use it as a tool to that end?


The 2013 study also talked about how social networking in general comes into play in modern-day relationships with people no matter where we meet them, but I won't get into that.

In fact, there are about a million different aspects of online dating I couldn't delve into in this "short" form, so maybe I'll do a series. Or a longer piece, sometime in the future. I would talk about how people present themselves on their profiles; the selection process of who we try to contact, and which advances we reject or ignore; the perception of online daters as "desperate," even among the online dating community!; how online and offline relationships compare, and interact...

What do you think, readers? Do you want to read more? And if so, are there any specific areas I should focus on? Let me know in the comments!

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things of earth and sky

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Happy by Pharrell. This song is everywhere lately, and it just makes me want to dance! Clap along...

2. Cosmos. I didn't watch the original series, but I've been hearing about the new series in a lot of different places lately. The full-color back cover ad in the WSJ caught my attention, so we found Sunday's episode on Hulu and watched it on date night this week. The universe is so cool. - Clara

3. Chesapeake City. Yesterday my friend Marina and I drove down to Chesapeake City to check out a venue. We didn't realize they were about to have a St. Patrick's Day parade and pub crawl right when we arrived, so the whole town was covered in bright green and sparkles! Theweather was gorgeous, and everyone was in high spirits. The town is so cute too, you can see the whole thing from the bridge when you come in over the bay! - Clara


4. BuzzFeed Quizzes. I am obsessed with these lately (and the ones on Zimbio are pretty good too). What Hunger Games/Harry Potter/Princess Bride/Firefly character/mythological creature are you? Can't get enough!

(Also, if you were wondering, I'm Peeta, Dean Thomas, Inigo Montoya, Wash, and the Phoenix.) - Clara

5. Fresh baked granola. I usually take granola and yogurt for breakfast when I go to the gym in the morning, and my granola jar was getting empty this week. So I whipped up a new batch and it's so crispy and delicious... And it makes the whole house smell like honey and molasses and toasty oats! - Clara

6. Attilio's. This Italian restaurant is just a few blocks from my house, and it's legendary. Neither J nor I had been there, though, until this week, when we finally made it over there for some of the best Italian food I have ever had at a restaurant. Yummm! - Clara

7. Our radio show AGT! I was listening to MPR a lot this week at work, and I started browsing their DJ list. They have written bios of each DJ so I was reading each one. I miss AGT a lot, but I was so nostalgic after reading those bios! It reminded me of how much we got to share with our (small) audience. The songs we played and the good things we shared allowed me to start my week on such a high note. - Cassie

8. Bunnysitting. Luke and I are bunnysitting for my friends, Mitch & Kristy, this week. Noah, the bunny, can really drive me crazy sometimes--how does he always find a way under the loveseat?!?!?. But when he hops up to me and nudges at my hand letting me know he'd like some petting my heart melts like a Popsicle on a summer day. - Cassie

9. Thanks to our amazing friends and family members Luke and I were able to buy a cappuccino machine with some wedding money. We are HUGE coffee drinkers so though this was a large purchase we'll definitely get our money's worth. I was a barista in a former life, and it's been so fun to teach Luke how to tamp the grounds and froth the milk. We've been making lattes, cappuccinos, and miels every day! - Cassie

10. Double features. This Friday I saw The Grand Budapest Hotel at the Uptown theater at 9:30ish. It was a super funny and ridiculous movie. Also, the Uptown theater really did a great job remodeling over the summer/autumn, but I digress. Right after that the Lagoon had a midnight showing of The Royal Tennenbaums. It was so wonderful to enjoy 2 hilarious Wes Anderson movies on the big screen in one night. Also the midnight showing was nearly empty so I could put my feet put up and laugh as heartily as I needed to :) - Cassie

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

eating the apple

This post is not so much about new adulthood or post-grad life, but it is about being human and negotiating independence in this particular time... The Age of the Third Screen? Is that a thing?

Anyway, I hope it's thought-provoking!

Many of you know that I don't buy or use Apple products, if ever I can help it. I had an iPod Mini, back when those were a thing... And while I remember that brief fling ending in frustration I can't remember why, exactly, at the age of 17 I was so disillusioned. I did still use iTunes (on my Dell laptop) until sometime in the middle of college, when I swore off the brand altogether - and I do remember what spurred me then.

It was the moment Windows Media Player stopped playing the preferred iTunes file type.

In that moment of acute first-world frustration, I realized that Apple was very intentionally selling not a series of products but a lifestyle - a type of person. And I didn't want to buy into something that by design excluded everyone who didn't buy a certain item (or, worse, couldn't afford it).

Of course, it is an absolutely brilliant business model. The dream for any brand. And these days, when the vast majority of people have a personal device, every tech brand is selling a personality, when you get down to it. There's the artsy designer type; the non-conformist; the geek; the loyalist. And Google - Big Brother - The Cloud - is my personal poison. They all have their drawbacks, and are good for different types of things and different uses.

It can also be a very social decision, which device and operating system you use. It is much more convenient to have the same family of devices as your family, the people in your inner circle. (My sister and I bump phones to share photos or contacts; J's family Facetimes. That's going to cause some issues in our marriage, I can already tell!

...kidding. Hopefully...)

But back to the issue. One of the most foolproof ways to get under my skin, to really raise my blood pressure, is to tell me that your iPhone is better than my Verizon Android phone, or any other device I could possibly choose. Drink the Kool-Aid! Go on! I won't mind! (I'm getting worked up just thinking about it.)

But, last fall, I took it too far. I was having brunch with a bunch of friends I hadn't seen in awhile (a few of them Apple users) and we got to talking about those group texts, which only work on certain devices (i.e. not flip phones and certain Android devices, like the one I had at the time). One of my friends joked to me, "OR you could just get an iPhone!" not knowing she had entered delicate territory. I made a sharp reply, basically insulting everyone at the table, which turned into a momentary awkward silence before someone brought up another topic.

Talk about drinking the Kool-Aid. It's funny, isn't it, how in pure hatred of a thing we end up epitomizing the very object of our hatred? I always marvel how people fighting passionately for two opposing sides tend to sound so much the same. (More on that another time...)

Since then I've tried to tone it down. I still won't buy Apple products, but (aside from this post) I'm quieter about it. I'll do my best to steer the conversation somewhere else if you bring it up, and trust me: if you value my good humor, it's better not to touch it. To each our own.

This past weekend, I spent 24 hours with a couple of my college besties. I noticed, about half an hour after I got there, that their phones were just not a part of the gathering. They were not a presence.

And what a shock it was for me to realize just how different that is from my norm. It was hard for me not to think about my phone, or to move it with me from room to room. As the odd one out, I realized how dysfunctional it is for my phone to play such a dominant role in my life, in my relationships and my group gatherings.

Maybe what I should be worried about isn't what phone I'm using, but whether I'm using it at all.

posted from Bloggeroid

here comes the all good things

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. This is a plea for spring to come, and it just always makes me happy.

Also, one of my Facebook friends posted a throwback website she made in middle school this week, which featured a polytone .midi version of this song as the background music. So great.

2. Overcoming obstacles. Last time I drove on I-95 from Baltimore I had a panic attack and had to take the smaller U.S. Highway 40 the rest of the way, which is how I've gone since then. But it takes a little longer, so this time I gave 95 a try, deciding that if I started to feel really anxious I'd switch... But I made it the whole way on the interstate, in good time! - Clara

3. Reunions. This one makes the list a lot, but I saw my girls Mary and Lisa this weekend and it was awesome. We talked about lots of important things, cooked and ate good food, and cuddled. Talk about soul food! - Clara

4. Making a new recipe. I made a delightful quinoa Greek salad this week that had tomatoes, spinach, cucumbers, onions, and an awesome dressing. I find that during a long week I can easily forget to eat healthy foods, so it's a wonderful feeling when I make the effort and things turn out well. It was doubly good because it's vegetarian so Luke and I could eat the same meal that night (which doesn't always happen!) - Cassie

5. A new honey store opened up in my neighborhood! I visited this week and ended up with so much honey in my house. Raw honey, vanilla bean honey, and honey candy fill my cupboards right now, and I'm feeling good about it! - Cassie

6. Spring is coming! This is a bit premature, but it's in the high 30s here today which is an incredible feeling after having 50 days this winter where temps dipped into the negatives. I'm going to be one of those crazy Minnesotans who wears shorts outside today! - Cassie

7. Discernment. Today I actually went to church because we had some mission specialists coming from the synod. Despite my complicated relationship with The Church, I do have great interest in the efforts It makes to come up to speed with the world, so I went. I don't know how much progress we made, exactly, but it was definitely a step in the right direction, and I know I for one left feeling inspired and hopeful. - Clara

8. Bourbon in mimosas?! We had brunch at a place called Golden West Cafe in Baltimore's Hampden neighborhood on Saturday, and they sell carafes of mimosas made with bourbon as well as champagne! Yummm. - Clara

9. Mardi Gras. I had made plans to go out for dinner with some girlfriends on Tuesday night, not realizing it was Mardi Gras... But we found 3 seats at the bar and had some drinks and half-price burgers and great conversations. Love my girls. - Clara

10. Unexpected smiles. I desperately needed some motor oil tonight, so we swung by Walmart. Our checkout clerk in the Express Lane seemed a little cranky, but when we left I said, "Have a good night," and looked over my shoulder to see her absolutely beaming like no one had ever said that to her before. It definitely made my night, if not hers! - Clara



* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

how one thing can change everything else

After our visit to the Wolf Sanctuary last weekend I am a bit wolf-obsessed. And it seems like I'm not alone in that: a week or two ago this video was making the rounds, called How Wolves Change Rivers. Our tour guide at the sanctuary even said they're going to use the video in their programs.

I highly recommend you watch the video, which is about four and a half minutes long, although it doesn't seem it - but I'll give you a summary anyway.

Yellowstone was starting to turn brown, because deer and elk were overpopulating and getting lazy and eating all the vegetation in certain areas, near the banks of rivers where the water was close. The ecodiversity was leaving the park, and slowly killing it.

So they introduced wolves back to the park. And gradually the populations of the rest of the members of the food chain started to level out, and the deer started to move, and the grass and shrubs grew, and animal species that had left came back, and erosion reduced, and eventually (after 8 years or so) the rivers changed, and became more fixed in their course.

And so, one species changed the entire park, right down to the actual earth and its geography. Wolves changed everything.

* * * * * * *
I finished a book, Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, on Sunday night, and I still can't get it out of my head. When I was little I used to spend the whole summer reading, and when I got to the end of a really great book I would fall into a post-story depression. Depending on how much the plot swept me up, I would be more or less upset, and came out of it quicker or slower.

Books like this change the way you look at the world. This one made it seem believable that we could actually be surrounded by magic in our world, and not see it that way because we have been trained (or trained ourselves) not to.

* * * * * * *
Now that I've started writing this post, I'm having a hard time focusing away from the fact that each of our experiences changes the way we see everything that happens from this point forward; everyone we've known changes how we meet new people and get to know them.

And this is true; this is a real fact of every day. But I think what I'm really getting at is those BIG changes, the paradigm-shakers and -shifters, the hairpin turns and one-eighties. Like the job I found on Craigslist two and a half years ago: As a result of that one application my daily routine, the way I have viewed the world, and even the people that are now an inseparable part of my life have changed.

Like my friend Jordan deciding to leave his fairly secure workplace to travel the world (and writing about that decision for the blog a few months ago.

Like my friend Mary going to seminary. Like she, Jordan, and me (and all our classmates) choosing to enroll at St. Olaf College when we were 17. Like my dad leaving medical school. Like my grandparents (all five of them) becoming missionaries.

All of these examples are intentional: we all decided to do those things. And our lives took a certain course from then on as a result, far too complicated to even begin to talk about in detail. In these examples, we are the body that decided to introduce wolves back into Yellowstone.

But there are other things that happen to us not by our own choice, that influence the course our lives take. Like the fact that my 11th grade history teacher came to my school on a St. Olaf program. Like my house getting broken into - twice - in two years. Like the churches that called my dad to serve them, leading him to consider options he would not have otherwise had, and leading us to grow up in the places we did.

Some are events of chance, if you believe in that; some choices made by others that influenced us, directly or indirectly.

I guess I don't really know what point I'm trying to make here... Just that we are interconnected and our actions influence each other. Acknowledge your ecosystems, and the series of events that brought you to where you are today, wherever that may be and however you might feel about it.

* * * * * * *
I showed the wolves video to my parents the other night, and after that video was over we got sucked into one of the recommended videos, a full-length documentary about a couple who moved in with a wolf pack in the Idaho mountains.

We didn't have time to finish it before dinner, but right before we turned it off they introduced some new pups into the pack.

And for the rest of the evening we were left wondering, what happened to the pups? That one hour of video, spurred by sharing the Yellowstone video, spurred by our visit to the Wolf Sanctuary, got us invested in the fates of a family far from our own, in more ways than one.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: keeping cool

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Rocky Raccoon by the Beatles. This song came up a bunch of times this week, under totally different circumstances. The most important of them is in tribute to the raccoon stuffed animal that greeted us as we entered our vacation rental for the first time. We named him Rocky, of course, and he danced to his theme song at least once this weekend... (Video can be found here.) Miss you already, li'l Rocky!

2. Skipping town. Both Cassie and I have a serious case of cabin fever, and both of us got to skip town this weekend. We both just went over state lines, but even making a point to go to the next town over can make a huge difference!

Cassie was still on the road when this post was being written, so for the rest of the post, if it says "I" or "me" it means Clara!

3. America's Coolest Small Town. Also known as Lititz, Pennsylvania. Seems to fit the bill, even after just 3 days, and even in the cold when there's not much going on. Made me realize how much I miss small towns...

4. Good music. Do you ever have a week where there is good music playing everywhere you go? That was this week.

5. Trains. I went on a work trip this week and got to ride the train back from D.C. to Wilmington. It shaves at least an hour off the trip, and there's some good scenery along the train tracks. Plus, I can usually read on the train without getting motion sick.

6. Good tea! When I was in high school my mom and I used to go to this tea shop in a town twenty minutes away. The kind of place that has loose tea in jars or boxes for sniffing out your chosen brew. Since we left Amsterdam (New York), though, I haven't really found a good tea shop... And the first thing we did in Lititz on Friday was have two pots of tea in a place called Cafe Chocolate. Satisfied.

7. Speedwell Wolf Sanctuary. Wolves are incredible, majestic animals. Yesterday J and I got to see them up close when we took a tour of Pennsylvania's wolf sanctuary. This place rescues wolves that are sick or have been mistreated or confiscated, and keeps them safe in large enclosures. We learned a lot and got to meet a few inspirational wolf packs.

8. Local beer culture. When we leave DE, J and I tend to gravitate toward the food-and-beer type of attractions around our destination. We got lucky with Lititz, and enjoyed two separate brewpubs within blocks of each other and our vacation rental: Sturgis Haus and Appalachian Brewing Company.

9. Google Hangouts. You can do more with Skype, but Google Hangouts is becoming one of my favorite ways to easily chat with friends on my phone. It's a relatively light application for a video chat. This week I used it to chat with Cassie!

10. On Tuesday night, for the first time, J and I met with my dad, who is going to marry us. It feels more real now, and I for one appreciate the perspective I left with about what's really important about the whole thing and how to approach the planning - not just planning a wedding and reception, but planning our lives together as a married couple. Pretty cool.



* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

february gets restless

I'll be honest: this winter business is getting really old. We just had another dump of snow this morning, after it all melted over the weekend! And of course it was more than forecasted. I don't know if it's cabin fever, vitamin D deficiency, the cold seeping under my skin, my lack of vacations, or a combination of all those things and more... But I am really starting to lose it. The days start to feel like they should be over by 2:30 or 3:00 - and one day last week I actually spent the end of the day in tears, for no real reason except sheer exhaustion with the things I have to do on a day-to-day basis and the harsh realities of the working world.

When I was five or seven years old, I told my Grammy that sometimes there just gets to be too much and I cry. She told me that helped her, and she told me she shared it with my cousin Angela, who also found it helpful.

And I'm glad she told me it was helpful, because otherwise I probably would have forgotten I ever said it, and thank God I didn't, because to this day I need to hear that on a fairly regular basis. The world gets heavy and we can't just go on carrying it stonefaced forever: it does help to cry.

At this time of year I get restless. I also haven't gone anywhere new in awhile (which is unusual for me). No place is entirely where I want to be - more so in February and March than any other time. I've been having these dreams lately about flying to India. I never actually go there, but the dreams always involve me running through an airport, or packing my suitcases (full of books), or boarding a huge international aircraft.

I get restless and irritable, and full of ideas for projects I can't quite muster the energy to actually work on. I itch to move, to sweat, but I only make it to the gym half of the times I think about going. I ache to escape into books and shows and movies, but I can't focus on them hard enough to forget about the world.


But there is promise. The sun is out today. I have lots of ideas, lots to work on, things to look forward to. Spring will come.

...Won't it?

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: warm and fuzzy

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake's Histor(ies) of Rap. There are at least five of them (all of which I've watched today) and they are awesome. Also, it took me twice as long to love J.T. as most of the rest of my generation, but I am 100% on the boat now. So, if rap is really not your thing, try this: 100 Miles, from Inside Llewyn Davis.

2. Major hair cuts! I got my hair cut even shorter this past week. It took some major getting used to, but I'm loving it! I realized that I wasn't getting it cut because I was worried I'd look like a boy or a soccer mom. Then I realized I could make it my own, and I went for it. I've had a few Bieber moments (yikes), but I'm learning! - Cassie


3. Big snowstorms. MN had a huge one this Thursday night. Luke and I went for a wintry walk. We got completely soaked with snow, but had an amazing time. I built a snowman for the first time in years and had a snowball fight. Driving to work on Friday sucked, but I got to think about my snowman which made me smile. - Cassie

4. Puzzles. Sometimes I just like to have a chill weekend with some wine and a good puzzle. I get wrapped up in them for hours at a time and suddenly it's 2 in the morning. - Cassie

5. Night Circus. We're reading this for book club and I'm hooked. I swear, it never gets old reading a book that completely sucks me in and gets all muddled up with reality... Also, the author's name is Erin Morgenstern, which gives me hope that S. Morgenstern (of Princess Bride infamy) might actually be a real person. - Clara

6. Siblings. I talked to my sister and my brother on the phone this week, and we talked about how awesome we are. It is so great being related to people who get you, that you want to hang out with for fun and not just because you're forced to. - Clara

7. Get togethers with old friends. Some old coworkers and I have been trying to get together for months now, and we finally worked it out to have lunch together yesterday afternoon. They're good, smart people and it's nice to catch up. - Clara

8. Lums Pond is a legendary Delaware State Park south of Wilmington, but I hadn't ever been there until this afternoon. J and I drove down and walked around for a couple of hours, around the lake which was frozen and is now covered in a weird icy slush, through squelchy muddy paths. It is beautiful though. We'll be back to train for the Spartan when it gets a little warmer! - Clara


9. Warm days. Got some real sun the past few days, not just fake daylight lamps. We could go outside without a jacket, and we even had to wear sunglasses! I feel all toasty. - Clara

10. Homemade bread. J got a pound of yeast for a special dinner last week and it has inspired him to bake lots and lots of bread! His bread is delicious and I usually get the second taste, right after it comes out of the oven! - Clara

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

what caf line are you?

My sister called me right as I was leaving work today. She is now a sophomore at St. Olaf and any Oles will know there are certain things that only Oles can truly understand. Like the weird J-term hangover when suddenly the caf feels more crowded than it did in December, and all the practice rooms are full, and suddenly everyone is busy catching up with each other and still somehow everyone feels lonely and left out of all the catching up.

(If we're being honest, St. Olaf has a weird knack of making people feel part of the strongest, closest, most tight-knit and esoteric community they've ever been a part of, while also feeling completely isolated - and not just after interim. Maybe that's not a universal experience, but I've talked to more than a few people who know just what I mean when I talk about it.

And yeah, I still miss it like hell.)

Anyway, we talked about identity, which is a common recurring topic for us individually and together. While I still wrestle with my own identity, and have done a lot of wrestling throughout the course of this blog, I made probably the most significant headway during college. That's where she is now. And it's fascinating because while we came from a lot of the same places, the labels we identify with most, and the way we struggle to find one the works across the board, are strikingly different.

She told me about an Indian culture class she's taking, and an assignment that asked about what the different "ethnic food" lines say about the cultures and the food they are modeled after. The next question was the eternal source of frustration for every member of our family: what culture do you most strongly identify with?

And because of the way these questions were placed next to each other, she said, "I realized that I am the Grains line!" And this is the closest she has ever gotten to being able to identify and describe her identity. (For those of you who have not eaten in the St. Olaf cafeteria, the Grains line is vegetarian and sometimes vegan, often gluten-free, often Indian-inspired. It's kind of the "hippie" option.)

"All the Indian students get so excited when they see it's Indian food, but then they taste it and it's just not quite right. It's really American food with an Indian influence." (Of course she described it better, but you get the gist of it.)

So I started thinking, what caf line do I identify with most?

The first thing that popped into my head was the Home line: your typical meat-and-potatoes option. Comfort food. But obviously, that is not true. That's the line I always wanted to identify with, but didn't quite make it.

A weirdly large number of people who knew me at St. Olaf, but didn't know me very well, would come up to me and tell me, "Did you see what's in the Grains line today? I saw it and immediately thought of you!"

True story: I rarely actually liked the food in the Grains line. It was never quite what I wanted it to be.

Then there was the Bowls line: your standard American-Chinese fare. Tortillas, or the Mexican-inspired dishes. A salad bar and a pasta bar, one or two pizzas-of-the-day, bread and toast, and the Grill: burgers and dogs and chicken breasts and fries. And, of course, dessert.

After my freshman year, when my weight changed more than it has since middle school, and since, I learned how to navigate the caf very particularly. I took one plate, and that was it. I had to take a lap right away to see what was there, and then I would pick and choose what I wanted from each line.

And I ended up with a smorgasbord masterpiece, exactly the right amount of food.

If I could choose something to be, it would be loaded baked potato or bacon cheeseburger or taco pizza. It would be white bean turkey or black bean corn or four-bean chili. In those two categories, whatever was made with leftovers from another line was always the best.

I know you can't just choose what you want to be, that there is a science to which Avenger you are or what is your spirit animal (the wealth of internet quizzes is proof). But I'll make my case.

If you take something from yesterday, the bacon from breakfast and dry baked potatoes from dinner, and chop them all up and throw them on a piece of bread with cheese and then throw some green onions on top, and bake it, you have a delicious well-rounded masterpiece.

If you take something from yesterday, something awesome that happened and something not so perfect, and throw them on a piece of bread (my unsocialized self), and bake it in the oven of time, you come up with a delicious well-rounded masterpiece.

What do you think, readers? Am I right?

If you were a caf line, who would you be?


Bonus points: this pizza is our dinner tonight and is made from leftover sauce and peppers from another meal. Bon apetit!__

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: luck, love, and lava cake

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Get Lucky sung by the Russian Police Choir. I may be a little late with this one, but I saw the video this week and it is excellent. These guys obviously had so much fun with it.

2. Love letters. My great-grandparents wrote each other love letters while Grandpa Arvid was in the war in Europe. This year, one of my dad's cousins found letters her dad (my great uncle) wrote to Great-grandma Clara about a woman who became my great-aunt... And they are a beautiful testament to the power of love! - Clara

3. Canelazo. This is an Ecuadorian hot alcoholic drink made from cane sugar and cinnamon. I've been itching to go back there for awhile now, but for Valentine's Day we decided to cook Ecuadorian instead... and made canelazo at home! It was so tasty and hot and definitely reminded me of going out in Quito. (If you want to make it yourself, here's a recipe - but I would cut the sugar in half.) - Clara


4. Car sing-a-longs. Luke and I were driving home from the mall this weekend, and I was in charge of the music. We ended up singing aloud to Teenage Dream, Shakira's Wherever Whenever, and Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton. There's nothing like singing "Without you I just can't go on!" at the top of your lungs! - Cassie

5. Brussel Sprouts. Ok, so I know some people hate them. But there are great ways to eat them! I had a salad with roasted brussel sprouts, yams, sweet potatoes, and greens this weekend at Common Roots. So good! - Cassie

6. Galentine's Day! On Parks and Recreation (awesome TV show that should probably be a AGT itself!) the main character, Leslie, has a lady's version of Valentine's Day on February 13th. My gal, Emily, had a get together and it was so fun. We listened to music, danced, decorated cookies, dressed up for funny photos, and had sparkling apple juice. Lady times are the best times :) - Cassie

7. Finishing a long, classic book. I just finished a book I've always been meaning to read and a long one to boot: Moby Dick. It was challenging but really lived up to my expectations. I'm also just proud of myself for reading Moby Dick. It feels like a small sort of accomplishment. - Cassie

8. Getting the push you need. On Friday I couldn't get out of my parking space because my wheels were spinning on a sheet of ice... So J came out and gave an extra shove to get the car on pavement, and I got on the road! - Clara

9. Having something to look forward to. Cabin fever is starting to eat me and I haven't had an actual day off from work where I wasn't doing something else... So I'm taking a long weekend at the end of this month and just the thought of having a few days to chill out is getting me through the weeks. - Clara

10. Lava cake. Seriously the best thing ever. 'Nuff said. - Clara

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

whether and what to contribute to the v-day "conversation"

I have no idea what to write about this week.

I've started working on the online dating post (finally!) and I'm remembering how much I love doing research papers. I discovered that Pew Research has an e-newsletter and I have been nerding out on data ever since. I wish I could post the online dating post now, but that one's going to take a little more time.

But it seems fitting to write about love this week. I started a sort of empty post about looking for excuses to celebrate - a fitting tribute to the original post, but through a very different lens. Maybe I'll save that for the final post, to bring baby steps full circle.

I thought about writing a post about love in general, to pay homage to the things, activities and people I love non-romantically. But I didn't know where to start. (You know who you are, though. I'm missing you! All of you.)

I thought about bucking the love theme, going the non-conformist route (typical, my roommate would say) and writing a post about the new church I went to on Sunday and how it made me appreciate, deeply, the inclusivity of Lutheran Theology.

I could write about my - our - first Valentine's Day as an engaged couple, or about how I wasn't expecting that act of commitment to bring us closer in different ways.

I could write about new love, like how I met a friend's new guy and his restaurant family this week. I could recall the giddy uncertainty of a new relationship and muster some potentially deep reflection on the topic.

Or I could write about what has struck me about the weddings of the past year, since last February 14th. About personalization and drawing out meaning in the details. About the power of being asked, explicitly in the most recent ceremony, to witness and support the married couple. About finding the balance between the relationship being celebrated at a wedding, and the community present, balancing the wishes and desires of the celebrants and the witnesses.

But I don't know what to write about, so I'll just leave it at that. Happy Valentine's Day/Random Acts of Kindness Week/Library Lovers Month, readers. Celebrate love your way this week - or not at all. Whatever floats your boat!

x o x o
Clara

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: make love, stuff, food, and friends... not war

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

So get cozy and get ready for this week's batch of good things!

1. Song of the week: Let It Go/Let Her Go (Frozen/Passenger Mashup) by Sam Tsui. Is it cheating if these two songs have been the song of the week within the past 2 months? Well, if so, I'm sorry, because I'm still obsessed with them. And this is an exceptional mashup.

2. Last Vegas. J wouldn't watch this with me, but I knew my mom would when I told her who's in it (Robert DeNiro, Michael Douglas, Kevin Kline, and Morgan Freeman). We laughed SO hard. - Clara

3. Iron Hill's two-pizzas-and-a-growler takeout deal. On Friday night I really had a craving to try this out (it's been on my radar for months but we've never done it). It's a great deal, great pizza, great beer, and we didn't have to wait for a table like everyone else. - Clara

4. My office-mate came back from vacation on Friday after being gone for a week. I know she is less happy about leaving Florida's 80-degree weather, but I am a lot less lonely at work now. - Clara

5. At dinner on Monday my family talked about the Super Bowl while eating spaghetti and meatballs. This is funny because it is so atypical: we normally have curry or stew or rice and beans while telling stories about strange experiences and quoting bad movies. - Clara

6. Plans that turn into other plans. I went to church with my friend Abby this morning, and afterward she came over for lunch and we spent awhile looking through my baby names from around the world book (which I probably haven't looked at since high school), and then she took me up to Charming Charlie's in PA to go shopping. It's nice being flexible, and great things usually come of it when you are with good friends! - Clara

7. Getting in touch with your creativity. A couple friends, our moms, and I went to a painting studio a week ago. We had the best time letting our creativity flow! It was also fun to see how much our paintings matched our personalities. - Cassie

8. Settlers of Catan. I got this board game for Christmas and recently started playing it. The game reminds me of a combo of Risk/Oregon Trail/Monopoly. I'm a bit behind the times (it came out a while ago) but I'm really into it! - Cassie

9. Learning something new. Luke and I started learning French via Rosetta Stone. I can say simple things like "The girl reads" or "the man cooks." My accent needs some work, but I'm enjoying the challenge! - Cassie

10. Looking back through old photos. I found one of us (Clara and me) in the KSTO studio and a few from our AGT fall photo shoot. The memories came flooding back and definitely made me wish we were still on the radio! - Cassie


* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

closure

A few weeks ago, when Hannah sent me her guest post, I got to the end and thought, There needs to be something more conclusive at the end.

But as I thought more about what, exactly, it would be, I realized: it said everything it needed to say. Any clincher would sound like we were trying too hard.

As a writer I think I have always been obsessed with finality. In 9th grade we had to write a short story for an assignment and I wrote mine about a Miss Universe pageant where one contestant actually turns up from another galaxy. It was sort of a dystopian piece, or cultural criticism, and I finished it with a great schism and a moralistic speech by the alien contestant.

Mrs. Nickson's comments, which I found scathing at the time, basically said the story should have ended before the soapbox. "Your message is clear enough without that," she wrote, "and the speech makes the ending feel too moralistic."

In 11th grade, when I was studying abroad, I joined a creative writing group that culminated in a portfolio contest. One of my pieces (a short essay about learning to brush my hair) finished with a quote from an Amy Grant song. The judges recommended I cut the quote and end with my final paragraph. In retrospect, I see what they meant. But at the time, I wanted a flourish.

As a reader, though, I prefer more open endings, with some hope or flexibility. I like for the characters to leave off imperfectly so we can all go on with our lives as real human beings. I do need some resolution, but I don't like when everybody lives happily ever after, or, alternatively, dies when the world explodes.

As I'm thinking about "finishing" the blog in May, I have a lot of mixed feelings. I've got a checklist of posts I've been meaning to write that I haven't yet written. I'm realizing the host of new adult issues that I haven't covered, some that I've experienced and not processed (at least not publicly), some that I haven't yet experienced that are on the horizon, some things my peers have experienced that I haven't: extended job searching, online dating, wedding planning, grad school, marriage, parenthood, starting a business.

And those things are going to continue happening, new things, new obstacles and new victories, whether I blog about them or not. So how can I end the blog, knowing that the subject matter will not end? How can I, the Closure Queen, bear to put a knot on the blog when life remains definitively un-knotted?

But I'm going to do it anyway. I'll write as many posts as I can about as many life events as I can, and then I'll just go on living them. And so will you.

posted from Bloggeroid

all good things: food for the good life

All Good Things started as a one-hour Sunday night radio show on KSTO St. Olaf radio, featuring feel-good music and 10 highlights from the past week. The show, and its current written form, is brought to you by Clara, Second Set of Baby Steps creator, and my radio co-host Cassie. We both contribute things to the list, so I'll tell you who said what to avoid confusion.

Sometimes the list, and the good things on it, are tempered by tough times and difficult things that happen. What Cassie and I have found, time and time again, is that these difficult things often make us see or appreciate the good things more, and emphasize the deeply beautiful and important things we have.

We write the list every week, regardless of our circumstances, to remind ourselves of that. We write this list in hopes that it can remind you, our readers, when you need it most.



1. Song of the week: The Cave by Mumford and Sons. Last weekend at the Roadtrip talent show one of the guys sang this song and his voice was indistinguishable from the actual singer. Amazing. And then I randomly heard it again later in the week. It's a feel-good jam.

2. Spending time with family during tough times. It reminds us we are loved and not alone. - Cassie

3. Luke. Since my aunt passed away he's been so amazingly supportive and helpful. I'm a lucky lady. - Cassie

4. Good conversations. Last night we went to a co-ed baby shower and I got into a conversation with a cousin's girlfriend about Wilmington's social conditions and about making a difference and about how we end up in the places we end up. It was a really solid conversation with substance, and I always like meeting smart, interesting people with something to say. Plus, big family gatherings are not exactly my element; the one-on-ones are what I'm really into. - Clara

5. Book club. On Thursday my mom and I went to the first meeting of a new book club with some really great women. I think this is going to be a lot of fun. - Clara

6. Watching wedding movies, looking at bridal mags, and drinking girly drinks. Now that I'm engaged, even though I'm not actively planning anything, I'm enjoying at least being able to talk about planning. I had a girlfriend over on Friday night who is also taking a slow engagement, and we just got to be typical together and it was fun. - Clara

7. Once Upon A Time. Now that we have Netflix we have been getting into this show. I've always liked fantasy-reality fusion and this is no exception. - Clara

8. Puns. I just love them. Buzzfeed put out a list of puns this week that definitely made me laugh out loud, and that was just one example of punny hilarity this week. - Clara

9. Getting back in the pool. I got out of my swimming routine back in October when I got a perforated eardrum, and went back for the first time this week. I'm definitely out of practice, but it still feels good... And the regulars remembered me and asked where I'd been. It was like old times :) - Clara

10. Puppy Bowl. I love this. So cute. I just left a house full of dog-lovers who were all over this show, which just makes it better. The kitty halftime show leaves something to be desired, but it has potential too.

Mainly I love even these commercialized holidays because they bring people together to laugh and eat and drink and be merry. I got a lot of hugs today, and ate so much good food. Talk about all good things!

* * * * * * *
Thank you, readers, for being with us tonight, and for giving me reasons to write, and things to write about.

And thanks for joining us every Sunday night! Join the Baby Steps on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheBabyStepsSaga for good things every day, and updates on new posts. Come back next week for another reminder of 10 more things to be thankful for!

Until then, be kind to each other, and find a reason to smile!

posted from Bloggeroid

soul food

You might remember my life-changing service event from The Gathering in the summer of 2012, where our group was served food by members of the New Orleans cooking school. Kevin, the man in charge, said, "We love our food here, but we know what's important. It's not what's on the table that matters, but who's at the table. It's about sharing a meal together."

That quote, and the experience of being served as a service project, changed my perspective on everything. On eating, which is a way I spend a lot of my time, and on service, and on sharing gifts with other people.

This past weekend was the ELCA Delaware-Maryland Synod's annual high school youth retreat, which last year got me thinking about reformation. This year, the theme was soul food.

And if I learned anything this weekend, it is that I am hungry.

Food, and eating, has been a major source of unrest since I left college. Maybe more than any other "figuring out" I've had to do, the eating, eating affordably, eating on time, eating healthy, and eating things that don't make me feel ill has been an almost constant obstacle course in this adult life.

So I am intimately familiar with the significance of food, and how closely it is tied to emotional and mental well-being. It is an apt and long-lived metaphor for spirituality.

At the retreat we talked about the different things we can be hungry for. We talked about food shortages, food deserts, and the host of social issues that tend to accompany hunger and poverty. We talked about satisfying our hunger, about the church's response to hunger in our communities, and about the different ways we can feed our own hunger, the different ways we find spiritual fulfillment and relief.

As an anthropologist I know that church plays an important social role for individuals and communities. And so it was this weekend.


I was dreading the trip because, until Thursday night, I had been planning on driving down to Ocean City alone after work on Friday. But on Thursday night I bit the bullet and called my friend Abby to see if she wanted to carpool. We were both happy for the company, and we got to reconnect after not seeing each other in months.

She told me how she found a new church in the city whose congregation is mostly made up of young people, like us. Every single thing we talked about had to do with our social needs, fulfilled and unfulfilled - what we are hungry for.

Through the course of the weekend I realized that I have been lonely. There is something I have been missing, something I realized sharply at the Ole wedding in Kansas in December. I am missing community, and I found it at Roadtrip, kind of.


In the fall or late summer, my dad gave a sermon about our demands as a congregation, about the point of worship and the ways in which we give back. It was a tough sermon, but I liked it. It was about commitment. And the point that changed everything for me was when he said Worship is not for us. It is for God. We are saying we don't get anything out of worship, but shouldn't we be worried about what we're putting into it? About what we're giving to God? Anyone brave enough to say Amen to that?

He's right. Worship should be about God, however we go about it. Praise and prayer are about our relationship with God, and relationships are a two-way street.


But if we are hungry, how can we feed anyone else?

My friend Audrey told a story about being a camp counselor sending kids down a river and pulling them back out again. Her job was to pull them out on the other end. And, she said, if she went in too deep, she would lose her footing and both she and the campers would go sailing down the river. If she lost her footing, she couldn't rescue anyone else.

But what about when we are fed by our own feeding of others? What about at Roadtrip, when we find our spirits filled in the process of offering ourselves and our gifts to others? What about when we share a meal together, when we serve the fruits of our labor to another person and take the first bite together? This is community, and this is what I'm hungry for.

Our dinner on Saturday night was called the Agape meal, a meal of love. It was like Communion, beginning with the breaking of bread and ending with the pouring of "wine" (in this case, grape juice). There is a church in New York City that hosts this kind of sit-down Eucharist weekly. I talked with my small group (13 inspiring 10th-graders) about the difference between sitting together and talking with other people, and eating together with other people. For a multitude of reasons, it brings us closer together.

And indeed, after the meal our group found its stride, a deeper level of trust and rapport.


J and I have our routines, the order of operations for holidays (whose parents' house we go to at what point in the day, and where we eat our different meals). We usually eat dinner at his parents' house on Sunday nights, and at my parents' house on Mondays. His family dinners begin with everyone crossing themselves and reciting the same prayer: Bless us O Lord, and these our gifts which we are about to receive... My family starts by holding hands, and singing. (If I reach for my neighbors' hands at his family dinners out of habit, he puts me on the spot and makes me sing.)

In college I dated a guy for awhile who always bowed his head before he began to eat. I rarely did. By senior year I often ate with friends who began a meal with a "pause for the universe." And after graduation, I got in the habit of "clinking" or "cheersing" or "toasting" the first bite or the first sip of everything with my eating companion before we start our meal.

That's what J and I do most of the time now. But last night, as I sat down to eat the dinner he had made, he took both my hands in an almost-joke. We just looked at each other for a minute, smiling, and then I said, "So... what do we do now?"

"I don't know," he laughed, but didn't let go. Instead, he looked at the shirt I was wearing, the shirt from this year's Roadtrip, and read it out loud. "Soul food. Patience. Goodness. Love. Peace. Joy. Faithfullness."

"Seems fitting," I said.

And then, at the same time, we said Amen.

a fitting snapchat i received while at roadtrip talking about soul food!

posted from Bloggeroid