I just read a post this week called "10 things that happen in the first year after college". From where I'm sitting, these 10 things don't seem revolutionary, or even 100% true... But I suspect that if I had read it in my first year after college I would have felt passionately that I had found a kindred spirit. They are, for the most part, very reminiscent of being a very recent graduate. Take #3: Meeting new people becomes way more difficult.
Look back to my first year of posts. It was a struggle. I was nearly convinced that every 20-something in the state was holed up somewhere, hiding from me.
I thought about starting an online dating profile, but I decided to try my hand offline first. At first I would catch rides with my family members when they had to go out somewhere, and sit at a bar with a book for an hour or two.
That didn't work too well, as far as meeting anyone, but it did get me out of the house...
Until I got two jobs almost simultaneously, so I met two sets of new coworkers, plus the regulars at the restaurant where I hostessed. It turns out working at a restaurant (or a coffee shop, as J and my sister can both testify) is a great way to meet people. I met quite a few interesting people while waiting tables in St. Croix Falls, plus my coworkers there, and a few suppliers of local produce (although those meetings were cemented when we met in other places, like at the Saturday farm market or the local watering hole). You go through crazy rushes with your coworkers and you have your regulars you get to know over time, and then you have random other people who might be just passing through but who you make an instant connection with and maybe become Facebook friends or start emailing back and forth. All of those things have happened to me and to people I know.
Picking up the story: for sanity's sake it is not a bad idea to have other friends outside of work. Which is what led me to Bishop's Cafe, which is where I met J. I was looking for a place I wanted to hang out, supposing I would meet other people who liked to hang out in the same place, because we had something in common. The rest is history.
While I was trying desperately to meet people, I also got a membership at the Y and started a borderline obsessive gym habit; went to church every week and became one of the youth leaders; hung out with my siblings a lot; invited neighbor families over for dinner; joined Meetup.com; went to networking events; looked up open mics and connected with local writers online; took frequent weekend trips to other cities to hang with college friends; hounded people I used to know who randomly ended up in the same area; and did some serious Facebook chatting with friends across the world.
If nothing had changed, I was getting ready to join the DSL (Delaware Sports League) and start volunteering. (Many of the things I tried were mentioned in an article I found today called "11 ways to make friends as an adult", plus one or two others that apply more to parents than young adults. The writer did mention, though, that the list could also be helpful to people moving into a new area.)
But then I got hooked up with the Delaware-Maryland Synod's young adult cohort, and went to an event where I met someone who ended up introducing me to a lot of the people I still hang out with to this day. And soon after that I started going out with J, and have met a lot of people in the process.
All this to say, it's not easy to meet people as an adult. I've been meaning to write this post literally for years, and it's funny that now is when I'm writing it, when I'm finally starting to feel secure in my local friend group.
Which brings me to another point: meeting people and cementing relationships are two totally different cans of worms. I've had to remind myself, over and over again, how long it took me to solidify friendships in college, and back even to high school and middle school. It's taken me this long, after a minor breakdown at a wedding in December, about the loss of the weird St. Olaf community, to feel like I have serious ties in this state. Even though I've known the people in my circle over two years at this point. And these friendships are different than the ones I made in college. The history is different, the context is different, the things we do together and the way we approach spending time together is different.
How do you meet new people, readers? How did you meet the people you spend the most time with now? And do you have any particularly excellent "how I met this person" stories?
Look back to my first year of posts. It was a struggle. I was nearly convinced that every 20-something in the state was holed up somewhere, hiding from me.
I thought about starting an online dating profile, but I decided to try my hand offline first. At first I would catch rides with my family members when they had to go out somewhere, and sit at a bar with a book for an hour or two.
That didn't work too well, as far as meeting anyone, but it did get me out of the house...
Until I got two jobs almost simultaneously, so I met two sets of new coworkers, plus the regulars at the restaurant where I hostessed. It turns out working at a restaurant (or a coffee shop, as J and my sister can both testify) is a great way to meet people. I met quite a few interesting people while waiting tables in St. Croix Falls, plus my coworkers there, and a few suppliers of local produce (although those meetings were cemented when we met in other places, like at the Saturday farm market or the local watering hole). You go through crazy rushes with your coworkers and you have your regulars you get to know over time, and then you have random other people who might be just passing through but who you make an instant connection with and maybe become Facebook friends or start emailing back and forth. All of those things have happened to me and to people I know.
Picking up the story: for sanity's sake it is not a bad idea to have other friends outside of work. Which is what led me to Bishop's Cafe, which is where I met J. I was looking for a place I wanted to hang out, supposing I would meet other people who liked to hang out in the same place, because we had something in common. The rest is history.
While I was trying desperately to meet people, I also got a membership at the Y and started a borderline obsessive gym habit; went to church every week and became one of the youth leaders; hung out with my siblings a lot; invited neighbor families over for dinner; joined Meetup.com; went to networking events; looked up open mics and connected with local writers online; took frequent weekend trips to other cities to hang with college friends; hounded people I used to know who randomly ended up in the same area; and did some serious Facebook chatting with friends across the world.
If nothing had changed, I was getting ready to join the DSL (Delaware Sports League) and start volunteering. (Many of the things I tried were mentioned in an article I found today called "11 ways to make friends as an adult", plus one or two others that apply more to parents than young adults. The writer did mention, though, that the list could also be helpful to people moving into a new area.)
But then I got hooked up with the Delaware-Maryland Synod's young adult cohort, and went to an event where I met someone who ended up introducing me to a lot of the people I still hang out with to this day. And soon after that I started going out with J, and have met a lot of people in the process.
All this to say, it's not easy to meet people as an adult. I've been meaning to write this post literally for years, and it's funny that now is when I'm writing it, when I'm finally starting to feel secure in my local friend group.
Which brings me to another point: meeting people and cementing relationships are two totally different cans of worms. I've had to remind myself, over and over again, how long it took me to solidify friendships in college, and back even to high school and middle school. It's taken me this long, after a minor breakdown at a wedding in December, about the loss of the weird St. Olaf community, to feel like I have serious ties in this state. Even though I've known the people in my circle over two years at this point. And these friendships are different than the ones I made in college. The history is different, the context is different, the things we do together and the way we approach spending time together is different.
How do you meet new people, readers? How did you meet the people you spend the most time with now? And do you have any particularly excellent "how I met this person" stories?
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