i am not good at being a local

I am not good at being a local.

I'm not good at being from anywhere, and I'm not good at being a regular. I'm not good at showing interest in people I might get to know, even though disinterest couldn't be farther from the truth (at least in many cases).

This is probably a result of some stunted attachment mechanism as far as my social development goes, and on a deep-seated psychological level a result of a strange juxtaposition of fears: namely, the fear of perpetual insecurity confronted by the fear of perpetual routine.

I won't go into this too much, but to make a long story short I will venture that this Battle Clash of the Fears has been the driving force in my life on all sorts of different levels. It is what keeps me from stillness. It creates such energy in my core and as some of us managed not to hear until earlier this week at work, "things in motion stay in motion."

So, since I am simultaneously battling both nesting instincts and nomadic instincts, I am not good at being a local. Being a local requires staying in one place.

There may be hope for me yet, though, because staying in one place requires dedication to the idea of staying in one place long enough to become a community fixture. And although I still feel that irrepressible fight-or-flight urge from time to time, I am at least putting a lot of energy into fostering my commitment to staying somewhere.

This morning was a great testament to my efforts. I got up at the crack of 7:40 to take my car to my (formerly local) mechanic. D & J is located 5 minutes, if that, from my parents' house, and these guys have been taking stellar care of my car for over a year now. I always look forward to shooting the breeze when I go there: we've talked about beer, theater, traditions, friends, travel, and books, to name a few. These are strikingly well-balanced, two-sided conversations. I aspire to be as nonchalant about social interaction as these guys are. Plus, I'm fairly certain they are Car Whisperers.

Revved up the now-purring Bizz III and swung by to pick up my mom for Delaware Writers' monthly breakfast. It's at the Panera also 5 minutes from my parents' house, and less than 10 minutes from my house. I like Panera (they have pumpkin spice lattes to die for in the fall) but it's not technically a local business, so it doesn't get a real shoutout.

Yes, I am a bit discriminatory on this. You may know that the day after Black Friday has been named Small Business Saturday (by American Express, ironically). I don't know that I have ever actually celebrated this holiday; I avoid crowds and mainstream things at all costs. But I'm glad that it exists. Plus, I just learned this week about National Small Business Weekend: the first Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of every month. Hey...that's THIS weekend! I don't get the impression that it has really taken off, but it will be interesting to see how the whole thing unfolds.

I'm going to divulge one of my priceless secrets to all of you: Clara's Foolproof Method of Immersing Herself in Every New Place Ever. (And take my word on this, because this is one thing I excel at beyond all others.)

• Start doing everything you can think of to do, starting with touristy things if you have to. (For example, I started on the Visit Wilmington website.) It may be helpful to make a list (because I have already forgotten scores of places I meant to check out, that I haven't yet). If this list starts to grow at exponential rates, do not be alarmed; this is normal. The more places you go, the more places you find out about or stumble upon or notice that you also must add to your list. I warn you, this may be one list that never ends.
• Patronize local businesses. This will get you quickly up to speed with important local issues, with the way people know each other and the way people do business. Plus, you just get invested in the community where you now live, because you are putting your dollars into it. A third added benefit of this is that you can choose to become a regular patron of these places, and the people who own and work there start to recognize you and know you, and they start to trust you. It may not go beyond that, but it never hurts to build that cred and rapport.
• Join groups. You might stumble upon these groups at your favorite businesses, at the gym, at places you like. You can also do Twitter, Facebook, or web searches or try Meetup, which hasn't done a whole lot for me but has been a lifesaver for a lot of people I know.

OK, so it's not a grand, dangerous DaVinci Code-type secret. But still. I promise you, it works. And if I had to boil it down into one bite-sized, 3-syllable masterpiece it would be simply this:

Leave your house.

Easy peasy.

So, Mutti and I headed to Panera and sat down in the meeting room with other area writers. This is her third meeting, and my second, with this tirelessly interesting crowd, and we have met and spoken to different people every time. It's inspiring and incredibly motivational.

It is December 1, but it's 51 degrees and sunny. As usual, I walked here (to the library), and stopped at Papa's Italian Market around the corner from my house for a piece of tomato pie.

QUESTION: Is tomato pie a Delaware thing? Our informal poll at work says yes. This is the second, more widespread informal poll. Let me know in the comments if you eat it where you're from/where you are now.

So I am walking through my neighborhood to my local library (a phrase which always reminds me of PBS), eating tomato pie, and I get this sense of almost belonging. I savor this in moments since it seems to much to hope for to ever take that for granted: belonging.