in relation to

So as you may have noticed I have hit another reluctant point on the writing cycle. This is mainly a direct result of the fact that I have hardly had time to breathe, let alone think, let alone sit down in front of the computer, in the past month or so. The cherry on top of this situation (perhaps not coincidentally) is that I also have about 1395756302 big things to think about in life at this moment. And no time, again, to think about them.

It all started with New Orleans. I mean, leading up to it I was totally swamped, I forget why, but I distinctly remember not packing until the evening before I left, because I just did not have time until then. I guess the weekend before that was the weekend Kristy and I went to the beach, and the weekend before that was Audrey's last weekend on the East Coast... So it makes sense. My week nights are all spoken for, consistently, filled with trips to the gym, to the gas station, to half-price nacho night on Main Street, to the couch to watch The Bachelorette (no longer! And happily ever after to Emily and one-F Jef!)

I was already starting to question the jam-packed-ness of my life before New Orleans. But then I experienced this amazing spiritual peace and fulfillment and inspiration on that trip, and returning home it was replaced by that ironic creeping anxiety of not being able to envision holding onto that peace upon returning to life as usual...

Service. That's something I didn't write about, that I wanted to write about after coming back from there. Service was a major element of the trip, with a full day set aside for service projects. Our service project? A historic walk to the New Orleans School of Cooking... to be served a traditional New Orleans meal.

Wait-- Our service project was to be served?

In the end, I felt we got far more out of the service day than most of the other groups, who spoke sometimes condescendingly about the "good work" they got to do "for the people of New Orleans." Maybe I just feel the need to justify how we spent that day, but to me it seemed they had completely missed the point. Service shouldn't be something we, as The Privileged, give to people who are "less well off" than we are; service should be a way of life, a social code, a way of conducting relationships. And it's not 100% selfless. How can we truly enjoy the food cooked for us if we eat it selflessly? How can we be sincerely, deeply grateful to the cooks if we have eaten too selflessly to enjoy, to taste what we are putting into our mouths? And how then can we hope to serve with any impact if we don't allow ourselves to know what being served feels like?

Honestly, I find it uncomfortable. And tapping into that discomfort, when I go to "pay it forward," is to me what makes service, on both the giving and receiving end, worth our while.

***

So this has been on my mind. Not that I had time to process it, seeing as I finished the week in a puddle, liquidized beneath the weight of too many things to do.

Kristy and Katy and I are looking at apartments, and hopefully moving into one by September 1st. We'll see what happens, as some really important things are thrown into cutting light. This brings into play finances; commitment; relationships; personality; taste; values. Some heavy shit.

More on that later. Right now I need to break down my weekend for you, so you can see how NUTS my life is. (Any tips on de-nutsing it, PLEASE let me know.)

This past weekend, I went to New York twice; slept in 2-3 hour chunks that did not total 8 hours in any 24-hour period; went to work on Saturday; and celebrated my sister's high school graduation. I know what you're thinking... There aren't enough hours in a weekend to fit all that stuff in.

Well, you're right. Fortunately I have the time turner.

Yeah, I don't really have that. But let's be real: What, out of those things, can I be expected to cut out? I went to New York on Friday with my family. And I had already committed to the work event, months earlier, not realizing it took place on a Saturday -- much less a particularly important Saturday for me to be out of town. It can be pretty critical to step up at work, to go above and beyond, especially for young professionals who are trying to establish themselves and show their commitment to a job and an organization. (The work-life line is a bit fuzzier, but I don't think I'm in any position right now to tackle that.)

But Saturday I went to New York to visit some old study abroad friends I haven't seen in seven years. It was a one-weekend deal. I pretty much had to go.

And it was so good to see them. It's strange. B's place, where we gathered, was a 5-story walk-up. Which I walked up, to discover B, Georgie the legendary Aussie in our group, and Gus, sitting on a terrace looking the same... But older.

We are adults now. We are doing adult things. Working. Going to med school. Buying houses. Looking for apartments. Traveling. Trying out things we could end up doing for the rest of our lives.

I laughed because all of Georgie's travel stories involved her either wingmanning some Swiss hostel-mate, or anti-wingmanning some Swiss hostel-mate. Gus is forging his way in a town void of denizens between the ages of 18 and 50, working in real estate, brewing beer at home, being responsible and eternally pleasant. Gus has always been nice to be around, at least that hasn't changed.

I was in awe of how closely B has stayed in touch with people in our class. She said, "I think I am better at long-distance relationships than in-person ones." And Georgie said, "I think I'm the opposite. I always say I'm like a bad cold. If I was friends with you, even just for a short amount of time, you're my friend for life. And I will most likely show up in your life 7 years down the line and say, what up!"

There are a lot of amazing people in my life, and I'm very, very lucky. I was so happy to touch base with these people, to connect. We are very different. I am very different. But there is something underneath that holds fast even after 7 years of falling out of orbit.

Speaking of amazing people in my life, I'm starting to dread the day, 3 or so weeks from now, when Thomas and Maria leave for Germany and St. Olaf, respectively. I think the family is starting to dread this day. Assuming my girls and me land an apartment, the house will be only half-full with my parents, Asha, and our Russian exchange student. Empty, in comparison to the usual household chaos.

Also amazing: my growing and morphing Delaware network. I just got back from our crew's biweekly half-price food Tuesday, and for the second or third week running we have a new person at the table! Scratch that -- tonight we had two! This is very exciting. And these people have been such a blessing and a windfall to me since November and counting.

It takes work, to maintain relationships after college, after we're not all housed within 10 minutes walking distance of each other anymore, or when my heart feels scattered across the nation. It takes work, and it takes patience, and there will be tears. But relationships, at least, are rarely not worth it.