Here's my latest realization: veg time is CRUCIAL. I don't have one single day off in a week, between my two jobs and then church on Sunday, and even when I get home after a day of work I rarely let myself do nothing, or sit around, or "waste time" in any sense of the term. Because I am a woman of action and the list of things to do is leagues long.
It makes me cranky. Sometimes I have been so good at living in the moment, but in all honesty I do tend to look toward the next thing. So I can't relax at all on Saturday knowing I have to go to work in the evening, even though work is not super stressful once I'm there. That's why I prefer to frontload my days, and why St. Olaf's small walkable campus was an ideal Pietri dish for my now stifled spontaneity.
Last night I pulled into the driveway after work as Delilah spoke to a girl who was madly, outrageously, disgustingly in love. I smiled a jaded smile, and then the first notes of Modern English's "Melt With You" overtook her gushing. I thought, "Aw, too bad I have to get out of the car now..." And then I realized I didn't actually have to. It was this profound, devastating realization as I just sat there, really sat there, leaned my head back on the headrest and felt so happy. I felt the song fill me up and felt my shoulders drop and it suddenly occurred to me, "I never do this."
Last night I pulled into the driveway after work as Delilah spoke to a girl who was madly, outrageously, disgustingly in love. I smiled a jaded smile, and then the first notes of Modern English's "Melt With You" overtook her gushing. I thought, "Aw, too bad I have to get out of the car now..." And then I realized I didn't actually have to. It was this profound, devastating realization as I just sat there, really sat there, leaned my head back on the headrest and felt so happy. I felt the song fill me up and felt my shoulders drop and it suddenly occurred to me, "I never do this."
This is why I decided not to take the paint off my cedar chest this afternoon, even though I'm anxious to have it done. Instead, I whined a lot and shuffled around acknowledging my dissatisfaction with the state of my life. Take two: now I am freshly showered, watching The Swan Princess with my sister and completely multitasking. Because I want to.
In the upcoming weeks I really need to figure out a way to work in "me-time" into my life -- beyond spending my lunch breaks making phone calls to far-flung friends and singing loudly and horribly on my way to and from work. I also, predictably, miss the social-ness of having a roommate, podmates, a housemate; living in smaller, more confined spaces -- because in this big house everyone just holes up in her own little corner. I always want to do my own thing with a bunch of other people in the same space.
So. Step one: veg the F out for a little while; it's good for you.
Also, eat your vegetables. Some suggestions: stirfry, omelettes, Chinese takeout...
Okay. We are on the same page. I did this last night. I went into my room at 7:00 last night to grab something and realized I didn't feel like leaving it. So I stayed in my bed from 7:00 last night until 11:00 this morning. It was pure bliss. And today, I woke up ten times more productive than I normally would have been. I'm even taking your suggestion of eating vegetables-- I ran to the farmer's market to buy a pumpkin and am in the midst of making a pumpkin pie from scratch!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to know we're living lives in parallel.
Love,
Audrey
I might veg too often.
ReplyDeleteUsually, down-time is something I don't have to worry about. I run myself as close to 100% as possible, and when my body needs a break it lets me know by crashing. The crash is usually brought on by a trigger, like a song as in your case. Other times it might be realizing how comfy my computer chair is.
But since I've had nothing going on in my life lately, there's no crashing to be done. Boring. That tells me I need to get back to capacity so I can say the phrase "Why do I keep hitting myself in the head with a hammer? Because it feels sooooo good when I stop".
I like this commenting thing that is going on here!
ReplyDeleteAudrey, I am so PUMPed about your PUMPkin pie!! Wish I was there helping you bake it :-/ Also, it is indeed nice to know we're living our lives in parallel -- we can figure things out together or apart <3
Andy-- you are an epic crasher, I always remember that about you if nothing else! ;-) I generally try to hit the midpoint between bored and crashing, or the midpoint in general -- everything in moderation! -- but I have a particular issue with getting into a rut one way or the other... I think it's kind of human...